15April2025
Its been a strange few years, and I feel the need to set the record straight, even if it means staring at the past with a cold, analytical eye.
Two weeks after Victor and I placed Megans coffin in the churchyard, he turned to me, his voice steady as a church bell. I think Emily should stay with us, he declared. She had been living under our roof ever since we signed the temporary guardianship papers before Megans friend left the country. The arrangement was due to end in a month, and we still had to decide what to do with her.
Victors firmness irritated me more than I expected. Is it because shes your daughter? I snapped, feeling the last of my patience snap like a dry twig. Admit it! I cant bear this any longer!
His eyebrows rose. What are you supposed to endure, Jane? he asked, genuinely bewildered.
Megan and I have known each other since we were babes in the hospital nursery. Our mothers shared a ward, and later we discovered our families lived on adjoining streets and spent afternoons in the same park. Naturally our girls became inseparable, went to the same nursery, the same primary school, and later enrolled in the same university. Their resemblance was uncannyboth in looks and temperamentthough Megan was a touch more headstrong, while I was, as my mother liked to say, overly gentle.
They rarely quarreled; rather, they helped each other through thick and thin. My mother used to sigh, Its wonderful you have such a friend; shell be like a sister. Megans mother would add, Such a friendship is worth protecting.
When Paula arrived at university, we didnt immediately welcome her into our little circle. She was tenacious, trailing us like a shadow, and eventually we found ourselves a trio. Still, after a while Megan and I drifted back to our old rhythm, leaving Paula feeling a little excluded. She fell out of the group for a spell when I married and moved away, but she returned and the bond was mended.
I married at twentyfive to a promising civil engineer, four years my senior. Victor and I wanted children; there were no medical warnings, yet nothing seemed to happen. Then, after three years of marriage, Megan announced she was pregnant. She refused to name the father, but I guessed it was Daniel, a man shed been seeing for a year before he vanished after a bitter argument.
Megan declared proudly, Ill manage on my own! Mother never lived to see a grandchild, but I have enough for a baby and a nanny. I cheered, Of course, Megan, well help you. Paula rolled her eyes, reminding us a child needs a father and that responsibility is huge. Its easier for her to have a child with her husband, she muttered. Megan and I exchanged amused glancesshe could be a bit of a bore, but thats just her.
When Emilyour goddaughterstarted visiting, Victor loved playing with her, and for a while we even forgot our own infertility woes. Six years after Emilys birth, Megan met Aaron, a man who seemed to have it all: intelligent, goodlooking, kind, and caring.
It just isnt meant to be, she sighed when I asked why. Hes probably married, Paula guessed slyly. Or his mother is a hawk-eyed, talonsharp lady.
Megan defended him fiercely: Hes divorced, actually. Theyve barely spoken in years. His mother, Elizabethshes a wonderful lady.
The point? I asked.
Hes off on a work assignment abroadcrucial for his career, Megan said, sighing. So Im losing him.
Paula snorted, Consider him lost, then. I shot her a scornful look. Doesnt he invite you along? I turned to Megan. He does, but we cant take Emily with us. Shed have to start school there, but she doesnt speak the language, knows nothing
Paulas sarcasm peaked. So youll trade your daughter for a man? she jabbed.
Megans sigh was weary. No.
The next day I sat Victor down, urging him to consider taking Emily in permanently. We cant let Megan lose this chance, I pleaded. Emily is like our own child.
Victor chuckled, Im all for it, love. Does Megan agree?
She hesitated, then whispered, I dont know yet, but youre the best husband a woman could ask for, and clung to him tightly.
Megan was initially startled by the proposal, then after some backandforth, she accepted. Dont worry about moneyIll send it, she told me.
Dont be silly, Victor waved it off.
We said goodbye with tears, promising daily video calls. Emily quickly grew accustomed to life with her godmother, while her mother prepared to return. One such call featured Paula, who had turned up at my door with a bottle of red wine and complaints about a new boyfriend who refused to commit.
You treat her like a sack of potatoes, helping her, and she just laughs, Paula slurred, a little tipsy.
What are you on about? I asked, genuinely confused.
Shes a sly one, that Megan, she muttered. Shes my friend, but shes scheming.
I warned her to quiet down, and she stormed out, proclaiming, Ill go, but I wont change the truth!
Victor, tucking Emily into bed, heard the tail end of the argument and asked why Paula left so abruptly. I explained that sometimes people need less wine.
Victor sighed, Someone needs to cut back on the booze. Honestly, Paulas just a third wheeljealous and shortsighted. I dont get how we became friends with her.
His assessment of Paula was the first time hed spoken so bluntly about her, and I believed him, though a tiny worm of doubt began to crawl inside me. Memories of Victors secret meetings with Megan without my knowledge resurfaced, and I felt a sting of betrayal.
Megan noticed my mood shift, but I tried to act normal. Paula never provided any proof beyond her words, and she refused to discuss it again, saying, Ive told you everything. Open your eyes.
I started watching Emily more closely; she had Victors eyes, his laugh, even his way of holding a spoon. She also loved chocolate with nuts, just like him. The resemblance nagged at me, and I found myself growing increasingly uneasy whenever Victor and Emily were together.
Soon Victor and I were arguing over trivial things. He could not comprehend what was happening and, in a moment of frustration, suggested I see a doctor. We didnt speak for three days. Then the worst news arrived: Megan and Aaron were involved in a car crash. Aaron suffered severe injuries, and Megan was killed instantly.
Victor and I spent a small fortune and countless sleepless nights arranging for Megans burial back in England. In those dark days I almost forgot my suspicions, but once the raw grief softened, they crept back.
Two weeks after the funeral, Victor repeated his earlier stance: I think Emily should stay with us. She had been living with us all this time under the temporary guardianship, which was now about to expire.
His tone again set my nerves on edge. Is it because shes your daughter? I shouted, Admit it! I cant bear this any longer!
What am I supposed to endure, Jane? Victor asked, bewildered. Did you really believe that Paula? I snapped, I thought you were a sensible woman, not this nonsense!
No, there was never anything between Megan and me, and there could never have been! I screamed.
Youll have to prove it, Victor hissed. Ill decide only after a DNA test.
Victor, surprisingly, agreed to the test, which confirmed he was not Emilys father. The shame that flooded me never left. I was grateful I never voiced those accusations directly to Megan. Yet now, I must keep asking forgiveness in my mind for the rest of my days.
Emily stayed with us. I cut off all contact with Paula, laying bare all my thoughts about her in a harsh final message. Victor pretended nothing had happened. Why dwell on the past when, finally, Im pregnant?
