HOW I HATED HER
A slightly crumpled sheet of paper lay in her desk drawer, tucked beside her resignation letter. I picked it up, and something whispered to methis was meant for my eyes. Suddenly, an old childhood game flickered in my memory. Back then, my mates and I played spies, passing secret notes written in lemon juice or milk, scratching messages with toothpicks or cotton buds. Wed hold the paper over a gas flame to reveal the hidden words. Even sheEmilyhad once laughed about those childish games with me.
I barely waited for lunch break before rushing home. Hands trembling, heart pounding like a lovesick schoolboy, I held the paper over the stove.
I was right. Of course I was rightit *was* her letter. She was as mad as me.
*»If you’re reading this, I guessed correctlyyou knew what to do with this paper. Things could have been different. But humiliating me killed everything I ever felt for you. I think you even enjoyed it. Maybe thats all youre capable of. Just because you were hurt once doesnt mean you get to mock those who wont retaliate. Did you think I couldnt have paid you back? But then I wouldnt be me. You can win a battle and lose the war. Dont look for me. Goodbye.»*
*Why?* The question clawed at me, over and over*why had I despised her so violently?*
Then she walked in, and it was like she carried sunlight, moonlight, the salt of the sea, and the crash of waves all in one breath. Birds burst into impossible, fantastical songs. Roses, tulips, peoniesall bloomed at once. Im no romantic, but I *felt* it.
The room stifled me. My skin burned.
Emily wasnt classically beautiful, but she had *something*something that unravelled me. I couldnt even name it.
Think I hadnt seen beautiful women before?
Wrong. Id known plenty*too* many. Blondes, brunettes, redheads. Though I preferred brunettes with short hair. Flowers, chocolates, perfumes, datesId had it all. Id loved and been loved. I burned fast, and if rejected, I walked away without a glance, finding someone more willing.
My first love? A messy breakup. I suffered. Then I learnedbetter to command than beg.
But with her? I wanted to bury my face in the warmth of her lap, trace her soft, porcelain skin, twist my fingers in her chestnut curls, breathe her inlimitless, timeless, unrestrained.
Emily worked under me. Not my best employee, but the one I relied onevery task done on time, every difficult project flawless.
I shouted at her. Watched her flinch. Reveled in my power. *Why?* Shed shrink, so fragile, and Id crave breaking her further. But she never broke. If only shed cried*that* wouldve been my victory. Id have wiped her tears, comforted her. Maybe then Id have changed.
I tried everything to seize her attention. Chocolates, compliments, lingering stares. I wanted to touch hernot just physically. I *ached* to read her thoughts. And I nearly didI *knew* she felt something for me.
When she was near, my blood turned to fire.
Once, I pulled her into an embrace. She shoved me away. Just looked me in the eyes, silent.
*How dare she?*
She was my equal, though I refused to see it. No*worse*. She was *mine*, and yet she wasnt. That fury nearly choked me.
Watching her navigate life fascinated me. She solved every problem.
My mates smirked, licking their lips, assuming I had her hooked. They wanted her too. It gutted mebecause it wasnt true.
She was untouchable.
Id flirt with other women on the phone in front of her, stoking jealousy. Laughing, making plans. She wouldnt even glance my way. Just silence.
I *knew* she obsessed over mefelt it in my bones. She *had* to. I didnt just believe itI *knew*.
She needed this job. Shed never leave. Shed endure until she knelt at my feet, and *then* Id drown her in devotion.
But pride doesnt just shatter wallsit obliterates *everything*.
On Friday, she didnt come. Her phone was dead, her email locked. That bloody minx left the project unfinished. Shed betrayed me.
She vanished like mist. And she *was* mistthere one second, gone the next, just out of reach.
I thought it couldnt happen.
How wrong I was.
It *does* happen.
