«Jenny! Jen, what are you standing there like a statue for? Hurry up, or well miss the film! We still need to grab popcorn,» called out her friend Sophie.
Jenny blinked, startled, her heart suddenly pounding. «Huh?»
«Whats wrong with you? Come on, the lads are already waiting!» Sophie said, a hint of irritation in her voice.
«Soph, listen, I really dont feel well. You go aheadIm heading back to the halls,» Jenny replied.
«Should I call an ambulance? Youve gone completely pale,» Sophie fretted.
«No, no Just apologise to Dave for me, alright?» Jenny tried to keep her voice steady, but it wavered.
«Fine, then. Go lie down. Maybe its the stress from exams?» Sophie suggested.
«Yeah, probably,» Jenny forced a weak smile.
Sophie left, glancing back a few times. Jenny sank onto a bench, pulled out a water bottle, took a few sips, and wiped her face. The tightness in her chest eased slightly.
She hadnt told Sophie what had shaken her. It wasnt the exams. A few minutes earlier, a pregnant woman with a pram and two toddlers had walked past. Sophie likely hadnt noticed, but Jenny had. Rubbing her cheeks, Jenny was dragged back ten years
—
«Jenny, whats taking so long with the dishes? Hurry up. I still need you to fetch nappies,» her mother snapped, striding into the kitchen.
Jenny dropped the plate. It clattered loudly into the sink. From the next room, baby Lukes wails pierced the air.
«Clumsy girl! Now go and settle himI just got him down!» her mother shouted. «Cant you do anything right?»
«Coming» Jenny mumbled hoarsely, shuffling toward the cot.
Jenny was the eldest in a family where her father had left before she turned two. Her mother cycled through boyfriends, having a child with each. Jenny shouldered the chores and childcare for her younger siblings: Emily, Grace, Tommy, and Luke.
«Has he gone back to sleep?» Natalie asked, cracking open a jar of jam.
«Yeah» Jenny whispered, turning back to the dishes.
«Leave thosego get the nappies. You can finish later after school,» Natalie ordered.
«Mum, Ill be late. The form teachers already on my case,» Jenny protested.
«Ten minutes wont kill you. I skipped school all the time, and lookIm fine,» Natalie said dismissively.
On her way back with the nappies, Jenny bumped into classmates licking ice creams.
«Oh, lookits our little mum!» one of the girls sneered.
The nickname had stuck ever since Jenny was seen pushing the pram. She longed to be like the othershanging out, going to the cinema, reading books, gossiping about boysnot lugging nappies. She didnt hate her siblings, but she resented her mother…
At eighteen, Jenny dreamed of freedom: university, moving to London. After Lukes maternity leave, her mother went back to work.
One May morning, Jenny found her mother pale and queasy.
«Mum, are you ill?»
«Yeah. Feel rotten. Fry some eggs for breakfast. The thought of food makes me heave,» Natalie croaked.
«Whats wrong?» Jennys voice trembled.
«Dont be daft. Im pregnant. Me and Uncle Steve are having another,» Natalie said bluntly.
«Why, Mum? Youre forty»
«Like I had a choice? Steve insisted. Hes moving in soon, so well have to squeeze in. Now fry those eggs.»
That day, Jenny vowed to leave. In August, she aced her exams and fled amid screaming rows.
In the city, a new life began. She found part-time work, made friends, and swore shed never have childrenonly live for herself.
—
«Miss? Can you hear me?» A mans voice snapped her back to the present.
«Sorry, what?»
«You looked unwell.»
«Just tired, I suppose…»
«Fancy a coffee to perk up? Theres a nice café nearby,» he offered warmly.
Jenny agreed. The stranger, Daniel, quickly became her boyfriend. But as their relationship deepened, so did her inexplicable dread. She mightve wanted marriage, but the thought of children terrified her.
One evening, Daniel took her to a restaurant. She sensed a proposal and resolved to say no.
At the table, he slid open a velvet ring box.
«Jen, I love you. I want you to be my wife. But before you answer, theres something you should know,» he began.
«And whats that?» Her vision blurred with tears.
«I cant have children. If you marry me, therell be no kidsbiological or adopted. I need you to be sure.»
«Im sure,» Jenny choked out.
«Really?»
«I dont want children. Never have. Never will.»
They married and moved away. Her mother and siblings didnt even know where she lived. She cut all ties, finally happy with Daniel.
Some might call it an odd sort of happiness, but it was hers. Their cozy home was peacefulDaniel worked at a firm, Jenny ran the art studio shed always wanted. Evenings were spent on the balcony with tea, talking quietly. No drama, no upheavals.
Occasionally, childhood memories surfaced, but they no longer hurt. They were just steps that led her hereto Daniels smile, to contentment. Shed made the right choice.
