I never loved my wife, and I told her so countless times. It wasnt her faultwe lived comfortably enough. She never made scenes, never accused me of anything; always kind, always tender. But the problem remained: there was no love.
Every morning, I woke with the urge to leave. I dreamed of finding a woman I could truly love. But I never imagined fate would twist so cruelly.
With Emily, I was at ease. Not only did she keep our home immaculate, but she was radiant. My mates envied me, baffled by how Id landed such a wife.
I didnt understand it myself. Im an ordinary blokenothing to set me apart. And yet, she loved me How?
Her devotion haunted me. What tormented me most was the thought that if I left, another man would take my place. Someone wealthier, handsomer, more successful.
The image of her with someone else drove me mad. She was mine, even if Id never loved her. That possessiveness outweighed reason. But can you spend a lifetime with someone you dont love? I thought I could. I was wrong.
«Tomorrow, Ill tell her everything,» I decided before bed. By breakfast, Id mustered my courage.
«Emily, sit down. We need to talk.»
«Of course, love. Im listening.»
«Imagine we divorce. I leave, and we live apart»
Emily laughed. «What sort of daft idea is that? Is this a game?»
«Hear me out. This is serious.»
«Fine, Im imagining it. What then?»
«Answer honestlywould you find someone else if I went?»
«James, whats got into you? Why are you thinking of leaving?»
«Because I dont love you. I never have.»
«What? Are you joking? I dont understand.»
«I want to go, but I cant. The thought of you with another man its eating me alive.»
Emily paused, then answered calmly.
«Theres no one better than you, so dont fret. Go. I wont be with anyone else.»
«You promise?»
«Of course,» she assured me.
«Waitbut where would I even go?»
«Youve nowhere to go?»
«No. Weve been together all our lives. I suppose Id have to stay close.»
«Dont worry,» Emily said. «After the divorce, well trade the flat for two smaller ones.»
«Really? I never expected youd help me like this. Why?»
«Because I love you. When you love someone, you dont cage them.»
Months passed, and we divorced. Soon after, I learned Emily hadnt kept her promise. She found another man, and the flats she inherited from her grandmother? Shed never meant to share. I was left with nothing.
How can I trust women now? Ive no bloody clue. I sit here in a rented room, the rain tapping against the glass, wondering if I ever knew her at all. She was kind, yes, but kind in the way a knife is sharpprecise, inevitable. I wanted freedom, but not this ache, not this hollow where certainty used to be. Love, Ive learned too late, isnt the cage. Its the key. And I threw it away.
