I never loved my wife, and I told her so many times. It wasnt her faultwe lived quite comfortably. She never made a scene, never reproached me for anything; she was always kind and affectionate. But the problem remained: there was no love.
Every morning, I woke with the urge to leave. I dreamed of finding a woman I could truly love. But I never imagined fate would take such an unexpected turn.
With Emily, I felt at ease. Not only did she keep the house immaculate, but she was also dazzling. My friends envied me, baffled at how Id been so lucky with my wife.
I didnt even understand what Id done to deserve her love. Im an ordinary man, nothing special to set me apart. And yet, she loved me How was that possible?
Her devotion gnawed at me. What tormented me most was the thought that if I left, someone else would take my placesomeone richer, handsomer, more successful.
The image of her with another man drove me mad. She was mine, even if Id never loved her. That possessive feeling defied reason. But can you spend a lifetime with someone you dont love? I thought I could. I was wrong.
«Tomorrow, Ill tell her everything,» I decided as I climbed into bed. At breakfast, I gathered my courage.
«Emily, sit down. We need to talk.»
«Of course, darling. Im listening.»
«Imagine we divorce. I leave, and we live separately»
Emily laughed. «What a strange idea! Is this a game?»
«Hear me out. This is serious.»
«Fine, Im imagining it. And then?»
«Answer honestlywould you find someone else if I left?»
«Oliver, whats gotten into you? Why are you thinking of leaving?»
«Because I dont love you. I never have.»
«What? Youre joking. I dont understand.»
«I want to go, but I cant. The thought of you with another man wont leave me alone.»
Emily considered this, then replied calmly, «I wont find anyone better than you, so dont worry. GoI wont be with anyone else.»
«You promise?»
«Of course,» she assured me.
«Wait but where would I even go?»
«Dont you have anywhere?»
«No. Weve been together our whole lives. Id probably have to stay near you,» I said gloomily.
«Dont worry,» Emily said. «After the divorce, well swap the flat for two smaller ones.»
«Really? I didnt expect you to help me like this. Why would you?»
«Because I love you. When you love someone, you cant keep them against their will.»
Months passed, and we divorced. Not long after, I learned Emily hadnt kept her promise. She found another man, and the flats she inherited from her grandmother? She never intended to share them. I was left with nothing.
How can I trust women now? Ive no idea. But late one rainy evening, as I sat alone in my cramped rental, a letter arrivedher handwriting on the envelope. I opened it with trembling hands. She wrote that the man meant nothing, that the flats were hers alone because shed wanted to teach me what it felt like to lose everything without cause. «Love shouldnt be owned,» she wrote, «but I couldnt bear you leaving for someone else. Now I know neither of us is free. I still love you. And Im sorry.» I read it again and again, the rain tapping like ghosts at the window, and realized I didnt want to be free anymore.
