Who do you need?
Max, please, let me go We tried to build a life together, but it fell apart. Why keep hurting each other? Lets just get divorced.
Yes, right now! Max sneered, Youre dreaming. Im not letting you walk away. Youre my wife, Im your husband, were a family. Are you sick of life? Or have you fallen out of love? Or is there someone else? Answer when I ask!
Eleanor Whitaker perched on the edge of the sofa, fingers twisting the hem of the blanket. After the latest shouting match with her husband, she wanted to evaporate, to vanish forever from his world. She could file for divorce but she lacked the courage to sign the papers. Two years of marriage now felt like a nightmarish sleep, especially the last six months, when Max had turned into a ruthless household tyrant, inventing fresh reasons to criticize her each day.
This mornings trouble began with something harmless. Eleanor had ordered a new facial cream.
Again spending money on nonsense? Maxs voice rang when she walked in with the parcel.
She tried to explain, but Max wasnt listening.
Do you ever think about us? Or only about yourself, darling? That cream was a waste! Youd be better off buying something useful, like helping my parents.
Max, why jump straight to that? I work, I have my own money. I always help your parents, you know that.
What are you doing? Sending them pennies! They need real help. Youre selfish, Eleanor. You spend almost everything you earn on face salves and lint rollers! His voice cracked, his eyes flashing lightning. Eleanor broke down, tears spilling. Max slammed the door, leaving her alone with her sobs and a crushing sense of helplessness. He always did thatpress his point home, then disappear.
Eleanor remembered how it had started. Max had seemed perfect: attentive, caring, loving. Yet something changed over time. Or perhaps she had never seen the real Max at all.
That evening Max returned. Eleanor sat at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of tea.
Crying again? he asked, not looking up.
No you just hurt me
I hurt you? Youre the one at fault. Think about what youre doing.
What am I doing wrong? Eleanor whispered.
Everything! I work all day, Im exhausted, and you? You spend half the day typing, half the day lounging at home!
I work too, and not less than you, she retorted, then regretted it instantly.
Whats your job? You earn pennies while I provide for the family. You should be grateful, Eleanor. Ive never heard a single thank you from you in all these years, even though Ive earned it!
Im grateful, Max but that doesnt give you the right to talk to me like that.
How am I supposed to talk to you? Youre always dissatisfied, you whine, you drown me in tears! Why do you paint me as a monster?
Max youre constantly unhappy. Im scared to speak, scared to buy anything, scared even to rest in the afternoon. I cant lie down after lunch! If you find out, youll scream at me straight away! My mind isnt steel; I cant control myself any longer
Stop whining! Youre always playing the victim. It makes me sick! The disgust in his voice made Eleanors chest ache.
I dont understand whats happening, she whispered, why are you like this?
Just behave, dont anger me, and everything will be fine.
Eleanor looked at him. The warmth and love had vanished from his eyes, leaving only irritation.
Maybe we should talk to someone? she suggested. A family counsellor?
A counsellor? You need a counsellor, youre the one whos crazy, Max cut in. You invent problems out of thin air.
Those words cemented Eleanors resolve. Max hurried a snack, slumped in front of the TV, while she pulled out an old notebook and started mapping her escape. Everything had to be planned meticulously.
The next morning Eleanor slipped out earlier than usual. She decided to hide in a café, to sit in silence and sort her thoughts. Over a steaming cup of coffee she opened the notebook and wrote:
Step one: find parttime work. Need more money than now. Step two: rent a small flat or room. Step three: pack belongings. Step four
Eleanor? a familiar voice called. She lifted her eyes to see her former schoolmate, Beatrice Clarke.
Eleanor! What a coincidence!
Its been ages, Beatrice smiled, What are you up to? Working here?
No, just needed a moment to think, Eleanor replied evasively.
Something wrong? You dont look well. Are you ill?
Eleanor hadnt heard supportive words in years. She hadnt told her parents, didnt want to upset them, and Max had quietly pushed everyone away. Overwhelmed, she broke down:
Bea, everythings terrible. Max is tormenting me, constantly criticizing, humiliating me. I cant take it any longer. Im scared hell lose his temper for real during a fight
Beatrice listened without interruption.
I want to leave him, Bea! I really want to, but Im terrified. I dont know where to start. How will I survive?
Run, Eleanor! I wont let you face this alone. Come stay with me. Do you remember my address? And there are free counselling services for women escaping abusive partners.
I didnt know about those, Eleanor admitted.
Now you do. Most of all, believe in yourself. Youre strong; youll get through this.
After work they met again, and a twohour conversation left Eleanor feeling transformed.
That evening, when she returned home, Max was waiting in his armchair, eyes glued to the television.
Where have you been? he asked without turning.
Out, she replied.
Youre out a lot these days. Got a lover?
Cold dread washed over her.
What are you saying? she snapped.
What? I wouldnt be surprised if youve been seeing someone. Youre quite the flirt.
Max, enough, she said, exhausted, I cant hear this any longer.
What do you want to hear? Compliments? Youll have to manage without them.
Eleanor inhaled deeply, forcing calm.
Max, we need to talk.
About what? My infidelities?
No, about us. Our marriage.
And what do you have to say?
I want a divorce.
Max stared, bewildered.
What did you just say?
I said I want a divorce. I cant live like this. You humiliate me, criticize me. Im miserable beside you.
Youve gone mad! Divorce? Who will you be without me? No one! You should be grateful I still keep you around.
I owe no one anything. I want to be happy.
Happy? You think youll be happy without me? Youre wrong. Youre useless. Got it?
Eleanor fell silent. She no longer wanted to argue; her decision was made.
Im leaving tomorrow, she said evenly.
Where will you go? Youre broke! Max shouted.
Thats none of your business. Ill figure it out.
I wont let you live! Ill find you and make you regret ever being born! Youre a sham! I gave you everything, I raised you, and you
She turned without a word and fled to the bedroom, determined to gather her things.
Max spent the night on the couch. Eleanor lay awake, staring at the ceiling, thoughts racing. Fear of the future, fear of solitude, fear of never finding happiness plagued her. Most of all, she feared staying with Max.
At dawn she rose, washed, dressed, and headed to the kitchen. Max was already at the table, coffee in hand.
Youre not going anywhere, he growled. Dont even think about escaping while Im at work!
Ive already decided, Eleanor said.
I wont let you!
Enough, Max
You dont understand what Im saying!
Max rose and lunged at her. Eleanor shrank back.
Dont come near me, she pleaded, Max, stay away!
He shoved her against the wall. Her head slammed, she crumpled to the floor. The man she once loved raised his fist. Eleanor closed her eyes, bracing for the worst.
A police patrol, drawn by frantic cries from neighbours who heard the earlymorning screaming, burst in. Officers dragged Max away, and paramedics rushed Eleanor to the hospital. Once discharged, she filed for divorce immediatelyher marital life shattered beyond repair.
