**Diary Entry 4th March, 2024**
*»He married you out of pity,»* my sister said before walking out of the kitchen.
*»Kates school called again,»* Marina set her teacup down so sharply the liquid sloshed over the rim. *»Her teacher says shes stopped paying attention in class. She just sits there like a ghost.»*
I flinched, setting aside the knife Id been using to peel potatoes. Marina stood in the doorway, arms crossed, wearing that expression Id known since childhoodthe one that always meant something unpleasant was coming.
*»Maybe shes just tired?»* I said quietly, picking up another potato. *»The curriculums tough these days.»*
*»Tired?»* Marina scoffed. *»Whats she got to be tired from? Edward spoils her rotten, you bend over backward for herand whats the result? Failing marks and notes in her diary.»*
I stayed silent. It was trueKate had changed since Edward and I married. Shed become withdrawn, quiet. Before, she was lively, chattyteachers praised her, classmates adored her. Now?
*»You know what I think?»* Marina pulled out a chair, sitting across from me. *»Kate understands more than you realise. Children sense falsehoods better than adults.»*
*»What are you on about?»* I looked up.
*»That this marriage of yours is one big lie,»* she said coolly, though her voice had an edge. *»You think she doesnt notice how you and Edward act? Like two strangers sharing a roof.»*
My throat tightened. The potato slipped from my fingers, splashing into the water.
*»We get along fine.»*
*»Oh, come off it!»* Marina rolled her eyes. *»You dont even argue properlyjust coexist. Edward comes home, eats dinner, watches telly. You cook, clean, tidy up. Like flatmates, not spouses.»*
*»Not every couple needs to bicker,»* I said evenly. *»Maybe were just peaceful.»*
She shook her head.
*»Lena, stop lying to yourself. Youve seen how Edward looks at youor rather, how he doesnt. When you walk into a room, he doesnt even glance up from his paper.»*
That much was true. Id noticed long ago but buried the thought. Edward barely acknowledged mea nod in the morning, a muttered *»Whats for dinner?»* in the evening. No warmth, no smilesjust polite indifference.
*»Remember how he looked at Olivia?»* Marina pressed. *»Before she passed?»*
I stiffened. She rarely mentioned Edwards first wife.
*»Dont.»*
*»I will,»* she insisted. *»You remember them together. How he doted on her when she was illcouldnt take his eyes off her. Hands shaking when the doctor spoke. Now? If you fell ill, he wouldnt so much as fetch you an aspirin.»*
I stood, walking to the window. Rain tapped against the glass, grey streaks running down. I remembered the day Edward proposedsix months after Olivias funeral. Wed been drinking tea in silence when he suddenly said:
*»Lena will you marry me? Kate needs a mother. And I I cant do this alone.»*
No declaration of love. Just a practical solution to a lonely mans problem.
*»He married you out of pity,»* Marina said before leaving the kitchen.
The words echoed in my head. *Out of pity.* Was it true? Had he pitied mea woman in her thirties, alone, childless? And had I pitied hima widower with a little girl? Now look at us: a family without love, without warmth. And Katecaught in the middlewas the one suffering most.
I returned to the table, hands trembling. That night Id agreed, Id told myself love might come later. That being needed was enough.
Two years had passed. Nothing changed. Edward remained polite, gratefulbut cold. Sometimes Id catch him staring at Olivias photo in the parlour, his face softening in a way it never did for me.
The front door clicked. Kate was home from school. She didnt call out like she used tojust vanished into her room.
I followed. She sat at her desk, hunched over a textbookbut her eyes were glazed, unfocused.
*»Sweetheart, how was school?»*
*»Fine.»* She didnt look up.
*»Need help with homework?»*
*»No.»*
I perched on her bed. *»You barely talk to me anymore.»*
Finally, she lifted her gazeher eyes far too old for a childs. *»Whats the point?»* she whispered. *»Youll leave soon anyway.»*
*»Why would I leave?»*
*»Because Dad doesnt love you,»* she said simply, as if stating the weather. *»He only loved Mum. He just puts up with you.»*
My breath caught. She *knew.* And shed been carrying it aloneafraid of losing another person.
*»Kate, I wont leave you. I promised.»*
*»But youre unhappy,»* she murmured. *»I hear you crying at night.»*
I had no answer. Lately, the tears came oftennot from anger, but the crushing weight of living someone elses life.
That evening, after Edward returned from work, I waited until Kate had retreated to her room.
*»We need to talk,»* I said.
He muted the telly, frowning. *»Whats wrong?»*
*»Kates failing school. But its not about gradesshes miserable. She senses this family isnt real.»*
*»Dont be absurd,»* he said flatly. *»Shes fed, clothed, cared for»*
*»But she doesnt have happy parents,»* I cut in. *»Children feel that.»*
He turned to the window, jaw tight. *»What do you want me to say?»*
*»The truth. Why did you marry me?»*
Silence. Just the tick of the clock, the hum of the fridge.
*»Kate needed a mother,»* he finally said. *»I needed someone to manage the house. Youre good at that.»*
*»And love?»*
His gaze held something like regret. *»Lena, I never promised you love. I said why I needed a wife.»*
Fair. He hadnt. Id just hoped.
*»If Olivia were alivewould you have married me?»*
His face changedsoftened in a way it never did for me. *»No,»* he said simply.
There it was. The truth Id feared: Id always be second. A placeholder.
*»What if I left?»*
He blinked. *»Why? This arrangement works.»*
*»For you. Not for me. Or Kate.»*
*»Shes just at a difficult age»*
*»Shes *hurting,* Edward.»*
He paced, frustration tightening his shoulders. *»What do you want? For me to force feelings? Thats not how it works.»*
*»I dont want forced love. I want to find someone who *chooses* me. And I want you to let me go.»*
*»And Kate?»*
*»She stays with you. But she needs a father who lives in the presentnot the past.»*
A long silence. Then he sank into his chair. *»Where will you go?»*
*»Marinas. Until I sort things out.»*
*»I wont file for divorce.»*
*»I will.»*
Another pause.
*»What do I tell Kate?»*
*»The truth. That adults make mistakes. That well always care for herjust not as husband and wife.»*
He nodded. *»Alright. Maybe youre right.»*
That night, I lay awake, terrified of starting overbut more terrified of wasting my life as a substitute.
In the morning, I found Kate before school.
*»Sweetheart, Im leaving. Not because I dont love youbut because adults sometimes realise theyve made the wrong choice.»*
She studied me warily.
*»Youll stay with Dad. Ill be nearby. You can call anytime. Visit whenever.»*
*»What about Dad?»* she whispered.
*»Hell be okay. He needs time too.»*
Suddenly, she hugged me tight. *»Lena will you find a nice man? One who loves you properly?»*
*»Ill try, sweetheart.»*
*»Good,»* she mumbled into my shoulder. *»I hated when you cried.»*
I packed light. Edward walked me to the door.
*»Lena,»* he said awkwardly. *»Youre a good woman. Youll find better than me.»*
*»And I hope you learn to live in the now,»* I replied.
Marina hugged me without a word. *»Better late than never.»*
That evening, Kate called.
*»Dad took Mums photo down,»* she said, voice tentative. *»Said it was time. Andhe booked me a therapist. Said I need to talk about everything.»*
*»Thats good, sweetheart.»*
*»He also said youre brave. That hes proud to have known you.»*
For the first time in years, I smiledreally smiled.
Maybe Marina was right. Maybe Edward *had* married me out of pity.
But I didnt need pity anymore.
I needed love.
And for the first time, I dared to believe I might find it.
**Lesson learned:** Staying for comfort is just another kind of loneliness. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is walk awayeven when it breaks your heart.
