«Mum, meet someone,» Tom said, nudging a young woman forward. «This is Emily. My fiancée.»
Anna nearly collapsed onto the chair behind herthankfully, it was right where she needed it. Her boy, her little Tommy, looked like a schoolboy next to his bride-to-be, who stood there chewing gum, hands stuffed in her jeans pockets, like she owned the place.
«Hi,» Emily said, barely moving her jaw.
«Hello,» Anna managed, too stunned to say more. «How did you two When?»
«Mum, relax! Its all good,» Tom said, kicking off his shoes and nodding for Emily to do the same. «Were moving in together at Emilys place. Right, Em?»
«Uh-huh,» she replied, still chewing.
«Tom, a word?» Anna stood and headed to the kitchen.
«Say whatever you want in front of me,» Emily announced, plopping onto the sofa and grabbing the TV remote. «Tommy and I dont keep secrets. Right, bunny?»
«Right, Mum,» Tom mumbled, turning red.
«Fine,» Anna steadied herself. «Tom, are you sure about this? Shes at least ten years older than you.»
«Eight!» Emily corrected. «And it doesnt matter. Got a problem with that? Im a successful, independent woman»
«Exactly! A *woman*! My boys barely twenty!» Anna clutched her head.
«Well, *someone* has to turn him into a proper man, since no one bothered till now,» Emily smirked.
Anna gaped like a fish out of water.
«Mum,» Tom finally spoke up, «we came to ask for money. For the wedding.»
«And why should *I* pay?» Anna scoffed, stunned by the audacity.
«Why *wouldnt* you?» Emily frowned. «Traditionally, the grooms family covers the wedding. Mine agrees.»
«Oh, brilliant,» Anna threw her hands up. «Marry off your leftover and demand cash for it? *I* should be paid for handing my boy over to an old crow. Not a penny!»
Emily stood, smirking, and stepped nose-to-nose with Anna. «Suit yourself, love. Come on, bunny, well manage without.»
She strode to the door, yanking it open. Tom hesitated, glancing at his mummaybe shed cavebut she turned away.
«Why bunny?» Anna called after them.
«His ears stick out,» Emily shouted from the hallway before shoving Tom out.
«Bye, Mum!» was all he got out before the door slammed.
«Lord, what did I do to deserve this?» Anna sobbed into a packet of digestives at the kitchen table. Her sweet, gentle boy, trapped by that vulture.
«His ears are *fine*,» she wailed belatedly at the door.
Outside, Emily scratched her head. «What now? We cant afford a venue, a DJ, or a proper spread. My parents wont chip in either.»
«What about our cottage? Then we could honeymoon after,» Tom suggested hopefully. Hed only just started workingbarely saved a thing.
«Why didnt you say sooner?» Emily clapped his shoulder. «Go beg your mum for the keys. Ill wait herewouldnt want to traumatise the old dear with my modern charm.»
Anna had just calmed down when the doorbell rang again.
«Now what?» She yanked the door open to find Tom alone.
«Did she ditch you?» Anna brightened.
«Mum, *please*,» he groaned. «We love each other.»
«Then what dyou want?» She turned toward the kettle.
«Can we use the cottage for the wedding?»
«Over my dead body!» Anna snapped. «Youll trash the place!»
«Well clean up, swear! Everyone will help!» Tom pressed. «Dont you want me happy?»
Anna choked on her tea. «I *do* want you happyjust not with *her*!»
«Emilys amazing, Mum.»
«Couldve fooled me,» she muttered.
With a sigh, Anna fetched the keys. «Fine. But it better be spotless.»
«Youre the best!» Tom kissed her cheek and bolted.
Emily spat out her gum and planted a smacker on him. «See? You *can* be persuasive.»
Anna was invitedmuch to her shock.
«How am I supposed to smile through this?» she moaned to her neighbour. «Id rather drown her in the punch bowl!»
«Relax,» the neighbour waved. «Kids these days change partners like socks. My daughters on husband number three. Just pray they dont breed.»
«Whats the point of marriage without kids?» Anna cried.
«Each to their own,» the neighbour shrugged.
The wedding day was sunnylucky, given the forecast. Thirty guests showed, including Emilys parents, who strutted in like peacocks. Her mother whined about bugs, while her dad, after a few whiskeys, flirted shamelessly with the bridesmaids.
«What does she see in him?» Emilys mum sniffed to Anna.
«Trust me, Im no fan of your daughter either,» Anna snapped, moving away before she ruined the day.
The garden was a warzone. Guests trampled the veggie patch, raided the herb garden, and burned Annas carefully stacked firewood in the BBQ pits.
«The loos *there*!» Anna barked at men relieving themselves by the apple trees.
«Cheers, Mum!» they laughed, zipping up.
By midnight, the lawn was fertilised with half-digested kebabs and champagne. At dawn, Anna surveyed the damagebottles, trash, and a couple snoring in the greenhouse. Silk scarves fluttered from branches like surrender flags.
Tom emerged, stretching. «Mum, whatre you doing?»
«Waiting to see wholl clean this mess!»
«Theyll pitch in when they wake,» he said, splashing his face from the rain barrel.
Anna gaped as the newlyweds lugged suitcases out.
«Where are you going?» she blocked the path.
«Honeymoon, Mum! Were late!» Tom dodged past her.
«And the *guests*?»
«Theyve got legs,» Emily said, dragging Tom toward the taxi. «This dumps all yours.»
Annas jaw dropped. «*Dump*?!»
The guests slunk off by noonno one lifted a finger. Emilys dad, reeking of booze, mumbled an apology before wobbling away with his dishevelled wife.
Alone, Anna counted the cash left behind in an envelopeenough to hire cleaners.
«Safe travels, kids,» she smirked, dialling the number. Then she settled in with tea and biscuits, watching the cleanup crew arrive.
