Shell regret this!
Thats what Oliver thought when his wife, Emily, suddenly announced she was filing for divorce. Just yesterday, everything had been fineshed been washing his socks, ironing his shirtsand now, out of nowhere, divorce papers! No reason at all! Oliver had worked hard, never raised a hand to her, hardly ever stayed out late, and drank in moderation.
«What more did the bloody woman want?!» he fumed. «Found herself some other bloke, did she? The cow! Shell regret this! Shell be crawling back in tears! Ill show her! Just you wait! Shell understand, but itll be too late!»
While he stewed in curses, Emily was saying the same things shed been repeating for years:
«Im exhausted, carrying everything alone! I work, I clean, I cook, I look after the kids. Im tired! I ran the numbersyou eat more than you bring into this house! When you disappeared for three days last month, I realised life was easier without you! The house stays clean, its peaceful, I dont have to cook for youme and little Tommy dont need fried steak every night! Without you, even the stove stays spotlessI make a stew that lasts two days, and no one gobbles it down in one sitting! I want a life thats easier. Im sick of turning into some haggered woman with shopping bags! I dont even like myself when youre around! With you, its shame, expense, and misery!»
«When was the last time you read Tommy a book? Never? When did you take him out? Bathe him? What does he hear from you besides ‘Go away, Im tired’? Do you even know what school I enrolled him in? His teachers name? When his prep classes are? Youve never cared! You live under the same roof but dont even speak to him! All he sees is a drunken father sprawled on the sofa with a beer, or a sleeping one with a beer bottle still in hand! What kind of example is that? What use are you? Do you even remember his birthday? No? Then whats the point of you? I wont live like this anymore!»
«Does she ever get tired of the same old tune?» Oliver had wondered just yesterday. Emily had been reciting this hysterical monologue nearly every evening while he ate straight from the frying panwhatever shed cooked. «Just typical nagging,» he dismissed it. «Making a fuss out of boredom.»
Life had been fine! And now thisdivorce! Out of the blue!
«Shell regret it! Thinks some other bloke will want her? A washed-up thirty-year-old? Watch me walk outshell be begging me back in two days! And Ill decide if I even want to return!»
«Ive packed your things. I cant stand the sight of you anymore. Get out.»
«Fine!» Oliver chewed on a sausage. «Ill go! But whether I come backthats another question!»
He gave her one last chance to change her mindlingering by the door, shuffling his bags, taking forever to tie his shoes. But she didnt budge. «Stubborn cow,» he muttered, wishing hed eaten another sausage before storming out of what used to be his home.
He had to crash at his mums. She, too, started up with the same old wailingWhat happened? Whyd she throw you out? What did you do? It cant be for no reason!
«Oh, but it can! She can kick me out for no bloody reason!» Oliver argued. «I did everything for this family! Worked my fingers to the bone! Brought money home! But it was never enough for her! Always whinging about shoes, coatswants a rich man, does she? Probably already found one! Thats why she booted me out! Got bored! Wanted more attention!»
His mum threw up her hands and rang Emily, but the call clearly went nowhereno one summoned Oliver back.
«Fine! Shell regret it! Wheres she going to find a better man? Whod want her with a kid in tow?» Oliver reasoned as he picked out discounted beer at the shop.
At the first court hearing, Emily had dolled herself upnew hairstyle, makeup. She looked good. Smiling. Answered questions terselyno family left for years, no help, no support. The usual womanly exaggerations, Oliver scoffed, trying to steady his shaking hands. He needed a drink but held off before court.
The judgea woman, of coursesneered:
«Do you abuse alcohol?»
«I hardly drink!» Oliver shot back. «Two beers after work, max! Right now, Imthis is stress! My wife left me!»
«Right,» she said.
Then she gave them three months to reconcile. Oliver glanced at his almost-ex: still no regret?
«God, are you ever sober?» she wrinkled her nose at him. Probably still not regretting it.
«Fine, Ill wait,» Oliver decided. «Lets see how she sings in three months. Without a man? Shell crawl back!» He loved imagining Emily begging him to returnonly for him to refuse. Or maybe take her back, but on his terms!
But for three whole months, Emily made no effort to reconcilecourt orders meant nothing to her! No calls, no texts. Acted like Oliver didnt exist!
«Shes definitely got another man!» But cautious checks with mutual friends and social media turned up nothing. No one new.
So after three months, Oliver prepared for his triumphnow shed surely realised how awful life was without him.
«Shell be sobbing!» he dreamed. Even told his mum:
«Shell withdraw the petition, mark my words! Shes seen her mistake now!»
And sure enough, at the next hearing, Emily wasnt smiling. Focused. Serious. Answered curtly. But she didnt back down. «Waiting for me to beg,» Oliver guessed. «Not happening!»
Somehow, just like that, they were divorced. Oliver didnt even object. There was one awkward bit, though. The judge asked about custody, any requests. Emily piped up:
«Our son stays with me. His fathers never shown interest. Ask him when his sons birthday is.»
«Oliver James, when is your sons birthday?» the judge smirked.
Oliver reached for the paperssurely it was written somewhere.
«No peeking!» The judge grinned. What else did he expect from a woman? A male judge wouldnt play these games.
«Third of June!» Oliver blurted.
«That was today! Todays Tommys birthday!» Emily scoffed. «You dont even remember! Its the sixth of June! He turned seven!»
«Did you at least wish him happy birthday on the third?» the judge smirked.
Bloody matriarchy, letting women into power! Oliver stayed silent.
«Any objections to custody arrangements?»
«No!» Oliver snapped.
Of course, the court left the boy with his ex. «Probably slap me with child support too,» Oliver thought bitterly. But then he perked upnow Emily would crack. Her life was over! A divorced single mum? No one would want her!
But then he saw her outside, chatting with some woman on the courthouse steps:
«Tanya! What are you doing here?»
«Oh, just some legal thing. You?»
«Freshly divorced! Free woman now,» she laughed.
Laughed! Oliver couldnt believe his eyes. Her life had just crumbled, and she was giggling like a schoolgirl! «Women have no brains. No sane creature laughs on a day like this! She needs a psychiatric evaluation!» He stormed over.
«Thought youd be in tears, but you dont even care?!» Oliver exploded. «Youll regret this! Ill sue you! The house! Tommy! Youll see!»
«The house was my grandmothers,» Emily said calmly. «And since when do you care about Tommy? Whats got into you?»
«Whats got into me?!» Oliver ranted for agesshed ruined the family, robbed their son of a father, stolen from him, kicked him out, probably had another man, would die alone with forty cats. Emily listened, hands in her coat pockets, the winter wind tugging at her new haircut. Then she smiledsmall, sad, and utterly free. You really dont get it, do you? she said. Im not losing anything. Im finally breathing. She turned and walked away, not looking back, while Oliver stood frozen, his anger crumbling in the silence she left behind.
