Im not your mother any more, I tell her.
Youll have to sell the flat, Sam says, staring at the floor, not meeting her eyes, and the car too. These men wont leave us alone. It wont just be me who suffers; you and Milly will feel it as well.
We could go to the police
Which police? I owe them, Sam finally lifts his gaze, and every day the interest climbs so fast you could choke. Youll have to stay with my mother for a while.
And you?
I have to get out of here. I wont be able to pay any of the debts; the firms already been seized. Ill head up north. Temp workers are paid well now, and maybe things will settle there.
Natalie knows its coming when grim men with obvious criminal records start knocking on the door and dragging Sam out for a chat on the street. He returns looking lost, sometimes angry, shouting at Milly for the smallest mischiefs. Milly is only four; shes not a trained dog.
Sams business is murky. He runs an online shop selling computer hardware, but Natalie has no idea where the laptops and monitors magically appear. Most of the stock is probably counterfeit, because whole batches have to be pulled from sale from time to time. He constantly has to borrow more to stay afloat, and though hes managed to wriggle out of it a few times, this time he cant.
Natalie grew up in a village and could easily move back in with her parents if she needed a proper city flat. She doesnt want to quit her job, though shes the deputy headteacher at an elite private school that specialises in English, and the headteacher, Mrs. Anderson, has already announced shell retire in a year, leaving the directorship open. Walking away now would be foolish.
Living with her motherinlaw isnt a dream either. From the first meeting their relationship has been strained. At first Natalie was the unwanted daughterinlaw because you can see the village from a mile away. Later, after she graduated with honours and started teaching at the specialist school, she became the foreign fancy who cant cook a proper stew. Yet Sam always praised the borscht she made, saying it was delicious. The only problem was that the longday classes kept her at school until evening, leaving little time for home cooking.
Mrs. Anderson, delighted by her granddaughter, is less kind to Natalie:
Good wives dont run off to the North.
He didnt run away from me; he ran from his creditors. Hes buried in debt.
Where have you been looking? A good wife keeps the household finances in check. Your business is just a fancy word for housekeeping. You havent even managed a decent dinner for your daughter.
When I have time, I cook everything.
Then why dont you have time? What kind of school keeps you until night? Ill check on that. Youre probably already making a hobby of playing house instead of being a proper wife
One evening Mrs. Anderson decides to inspect the school herself. She finds more foreignlanguage signage than she can stand, and cats wandering everywhere a health hazard, a nonsense addition to a school, not a zoo. She declares that respectable women wont work in such chaos. She also eyes David Spencer, the lanky English teacher, looking at Natalie as if he were stripping her with his gaze.
David, also an English teacher, does seem to like Natalie, but he respects the fact that shes married.
The cats are part of a British educational method: keeping children close to animals is said to make them kinder, so the school lets a few Britishshorthair cats roam the classrooms, even hop onto desks during lessons. In practice the cats behave quite well.
Sam sends occasional emails, vague about his whereabouts, just enough to keep the curious visitors the same grim men from probing too deep. Then he goes silent. Natalie worries the creditors have found him, but Mrs. Anderson stays optimistic:
If theyd found him, theyd have stopped coming here.
Then why did he disappear?
You dont know. Hes a good lad; he wont stay lonely forever
A year later, at the end of the school term, Sam writes that hes met another woman and now lives with her. He doesnt see it as adultery; they never officially married. He says nothing about Milly, as if the child never existed. Mrs. Anderson instantly finds an excuse:
He must know Milly isnt his.
How? She was born while we were together.
With me, yes, but not his that can happen.
Mother, stop this!
Im not your mother any more. I might stay Millys grandmother, but from today Im Elizabeth Marlowe, or maybe nothing at all, which is better.
Now they must move out of the exmotherinlaws flat. Natalie cant picture a future: renting in the city is expensive, and she still has to raise Milly. She could try to scrape by, but why stay in a town where the only family left is a child she can barely afford? Her own parents, hearing of her troubles, invite her back to the village, promising a teaching post rural schools always need staff.
Mrs. Anderson puts the directorship on hold:
Youre not to overreact. I intend to keep the school running, and the board supports it.
Where will Milly and I live then?
Ill speak to the board. Perhaps theyll grant a housing allowance or a loan. In the meantime, you can stay at my cottage. The academic year is ending, its May, heating isnt needed. My husband only uses it on weekends, and you can take a holiday in the summer and head to your parents.
David Spencer offers to drive their belongings in his car. All they have left is a few sets of clothes and some dishes. On the way he asks:
Where will you stay in winter?
Mrs. Anderson promised to find a rental.
No need I have a spare onebedroom flat. I usually stay with my mum; shes ill and cooks for me, otherwise you cant survive on frozen dumplings and instant noodles forever.
Ill see. Im planning to move to the village with Milly this summer, maybe stay there permanently.
What about the school? Theyre still trying to set you up as head.
I was being matched for marriage before, now its a school. Theyre everywhere.
At the cottage Milly thrives. The fresh air brings colour back to her cheeks, and she bonds quickly with Mrs. Anderson and her husband, becoming like one big family.
Natalie thinks less often of her former life. It hurts, but perhaps its for the best Sam would have left her anyway; he never wanted to go to the registry office.
David drives them to the village. After a long day, Mrs. Anderson has laid out a farewell table. They arrive at dusk, unload, and David starts to head back, but Natalies mother wont let them go:
Stay for dinner; Ill fetch fresh milk.
Natalie follows, saying:
Mother, did you ever think of David as a husband for me?
Isnt that so?
No, theres nothing between us, and none will ever be.
You may not see it, but I do. Look how he looks at you. Milly could be with him
Natalie watches from a distance as David and Milly laugh together. Why not? Maybe something could happen.
A warmth settles over her, a calm she hadnt felt since childhood.
