How could she come to my house and frighten my children? I screamed at her, «GET OUT!»
My mother had only one eye. I despised her for ither appearance filled me with shame. To put food on the table, she worked as a dinner lady at a school. One day, when I was in primary school, she came to visit me. The ground vanished beneath my feet. How could she do this to me? Hot shame burned through me. I pretended not to see her, glared with loathing, then ran. The next day, a classmate sneered, «Oi, didnt know your mum was a cyclops!» I wished the earth would swallow me whole. I wished she would vanish. That evening, I spat at her, «Why dont you just die so you stop embarrassing me?»
She said nothing. I didnt careI was too furious to think, too proud to pity her. I didnt want her in my life. I worked relentlessly, left for university in London, built a career. I married, bought a house in Manchester, had children. Life was good. Then, one evening, she appeared at my doorstep. Years had passedshed never met her grandchildren. The moment they saw her, they shrieked with laughter. How dare she come here and scare them? I bellowed, «GET OUT!»
Softly, she whispered, «Forgive me. I must have the wrong house,» and disappeared into the night.
Years later, an invitation arriveda school reunion in Sheffield. I told my wife it was a business trip. After the event, curiosity led me back to my childhood terrace. The neighbours said my mother had died. I felt nothing. They handed me a letter shed left:
*»My dearest son, Ive thought of you every day. Im so sorry for coming to Manchester and frightening your children. When I heard you were returning for the reunion, my heart leaptbut I was too ill to rise from my bed. I regret the shame I caused you as a boy. But do you remember, my love, when you were small, the accident that took your eye? I couldnt bear the thought of you growing up like me. So I gave you mine. Now, wherever you look, I see the world through you. With all my love, Mum. I collapsed to my knees, the letter trembling in my hands. The world blurred, not from one eye, but from the weight of a truth I could never undo. I had spent a lifetime running from her face, only to find my own reflection in it now. The silence that followed was vast, but within it, I finally heard her love.
