The bloke Id been dreaming about up until university finally split with his wife for me, and I never imagined how the whole thing would end. Id already been a fan of him back in college a classic, blindfolded, naïve sort of love. When he finally gave me a proper look, I went completely off the rails. To be honest, it happened a few years after we both graduated, and we ended up working for the same firm in Manchester. We shared the same specialty, which was hardly unusual, but I liked to think it was fate.
He seemed like the man Id always pictured. At the time, I didnt mind that he was already married. Id never been hitched myself, so I had no clue what it felt like to watch a marriage crumble. Thats why I felt no shame when Graham decided to abandon his wife for me. Who could have guessed it would bring me so much heartache? As the saying goes, you cant build your happiness on someone elses misery.
When he chose me, I was on cloud nine and ready to forgive anything. Yet in daytoday life, he wasnt the charming prince he pretended to be at the office. His belongings were scattered all over our flat, and he flatout refused to wash the dishes. The whole domestic load fell on my shoulders, but back then I didnt give a toss.
He soon forgot his previous marriage. They hadnt had any children, and it turned out his parents had pushed him into the wedding. With me, he kept telling me things would be different.
My bliss was shortlived, because everything shifted when I discovered I was pregnant. At first, Graham was thrilled about the baby. We even threw a big family gathering to mark the news, and everyone showered us with wishes for love and good health for the soontobe little one.
That evening remains one of my fondest memories, and I have no regrets about it. Yet from that point on, my blind love started to dim.
The bigger my belly got, the less often I saw Graham. I was on maternity leave, so our meetings were limited to latenight catchups. He stayed late at the office more often and attended countless corporate afterhours events. It didnt bother me at first, but soon it wore me out. Household chores became a mountain, especially when I could no longer just bend over to pick up his socks littered around the flat.
I began to wonder whether wed rushed into having a child.
I knew feelings could fade, but I hadnt expected it to happen so quickly. Graham still brought me flowers and chocolates, yet all I wanted then was his presence.
It didnt take long for his frequent outings to look suspect. A coworker mentioned in passing that a new junior employee had just joined our department. We were already shortstaffed, and when I went on maternity leave the staffing crisis worsened. The irony was not lost on me.
I wasnt certain it was her, but it was clear Graham had someone else, because he never had a free minute. Either it was work, a meeting, or another company function he simply couldnt miss. One day I found a scrap of paper in his jacket pocket with initials I didnt recognise. I dont know why I slipped it back in, but I pretended not to have seen it.
Being alone in my seventh month of pregnancy was terrifying, and Graham kept complaining that Id become too nervous. Every argument ended with a sigh of disappointment from him. Somehow I realised that if I raised the issue, Id end up on my own. The fear of losing him was so strong I could think of nothing else. As the old proverb warns, fear can become a selffulfilling prophecy.
No matter how smoothly Graham had courted me, he was no gentleman. The worst words I ever heard were, Im not ready for a child, and, Ive got someone else. I cant even recall exactly how he said them, but at that moment I thought I was losing my mind.
I never imagined I could summon the courage to ask for a divorce. He seemed as surprised as I was that I wouldnt put up with his behaviour any longer. The next day I threw all his stuff out of the flat. I was actually relieved we were renting at least we didnt have to share the place with his belongings.
And the baby? What will you do about him?
Ill sort it out. I can work from home, and my parents have always offered help. Mum warned me he was a bit of a philanderer I should have listened.
It was probably my responsibility to my unborn son that gave me the backbone to leave. Alone, I never would have had the nerve to walk away.
I also realised I didnt want to raise a child with a father like that. His betrayal was so cowardly that I wanted nothing more to do with him. It was as if a veil lifted from my eyes.
The first months after the divorce, including the delivery, were rough. I moved back in with my parents in Sheffield, much to my grandparents delight they were over the moon to have a grandson. I cant say I didnt miss Graham at all, but I tried not to dwell on it. Deep down I was convinced Id made the right choice and that I could give my son everything he needed.
Then, out of the blue, he resurfaced.
Turns out Graham is full of remorse and wants to meet his son. But do I want that? Maybe its time to move to a different city entirely.
