14October2025
Today Milly turned up at my flat in Manchester, expecting a warm welcome and a proper meal. Shed travelled up from Bristol, where my sister Susan lives, to sort out the paperwork for her place at the University of Manchester. The university is a few miles away, and shell be moving into a hall of residence soon, but for now shes staying with me for a couple of weeks while she deals with exams and the enrolment formalities. Susan and I had agreed that Milly could lodge here temporarily.
We never really talked about who would provide the food. When I asked her what she needed, she simply sat in the living room, arms folded, and said shed assumed Id feed her. I snapped back, Im not going to be your personal chef, Milly. Ive got a hectic schedule and need to get out soon. Call your mother and have her transfer some money to your account, then pop down to the supermarket, pick up a packet of biscuits, a loaf of bread, maybe some cheese, and a cuppa. Im out of tea, so youll have to buy that too. Youre 18 now, you can manage that yourself.
Helen, Millys mother, hasnt spoken to me in ages. She doesnt know that ever since the kids left the nest, my wife vanished for a while and I threw myself into work. My days are packed, Im hardly home, and the energy I once had for household chores has simply evaporated. All I want is a decent nights sleep, and a proper one at that.
Seeing Milly was genuinely pleasant. Shes grown into a graceful young woman, but Im no longer the carefree Auntlike figure I once imagined myself to be. I cant spend hours preparing meals like I once did. I told her plainly that shell need to do her own shopping, slice her own vegetables, and cook for herself. Better still, she could pick up something readymade so I dont have to worry about the stove or a mess in the flat.
She took the comment badly, fell silent, and now seems to be stewing in her own thoughts each day. I guess shed hoped for a full board and a mothers pampering. Its hard to drop that role suddenly after years of being the easygoing, helpful relative. I even consulted a therapist for advice on how to explain gently that Im not as functional as I used to be. The bottom line is: she must lower her expectations of me.
Lesson learned: setting clear boundaries may feel harsh, but it protects both yours and others peace of mind.
