I’m staying with you, Alice begged, Im sorry, I swear Ill never speak to her again. Ill change jobs if you want. Shall we leave? Please dont abandon me
***
September greeted Alice with a cool, gentle sun. Yellow leaves swirled at her feet, the air smelled of damp earth and an approaching autumn. She was hurriedly stuffing suitcases. Ahead lay a long trek to the Lake District, where her mother, suddenly taken ill, waited.
At first it seemed a simple cold, but a knot deep in Alices chest grew each day. The doctors delivered a grim diagnosis that hit her like a cold shower. Her husband, Kevin, stayed behind; he couldnt accompany her. Alice had to make the only sensible choice: grab their son and fly to her mum straight away. Thus began their harsh, exhausting race against precious time
The first three months whizzed by in endless doctor visits, lab tests, and frantic searches for a decent specialist. Whenever a sliver of free time appeared, Alice returned home, yet a feeling that something had shifted lingered. The house was still tidy, the garden still tidy, Kevin still tried to keep the routine, but Alices thoughts were stuck in the Lake District. Home wasnt abandoned Kevin kept the kettle humming and the fire warm but Alices focus had been pulled elsewhere.
Just as her mum steadied a little, Alice was forced to pack again. Their son, a bit weary from flights and hospital corridors but obedient, went with her. More planes, more doctors, more hope that flickered then dimmed. By March there was a brief lull: mum felt a touch better and Alice allowed herself a short breather, heading home for a couple of weeks.
During that brief calm, truth, like a stubborn weed, pushed through. Kevin complained that his phone had taken a dive into the bathtub. Alice remembered a lifehack from a womens magazine pop the device into a bowl of rice.
***
Alice fished the smartphone out, switched it on. The screen lit up with a new message. Kevin was dozing peacefully on the sofa.
Kevin, look, your phones alive, Alice said, handing it over.
He lazily took it, scrolled, and suddenly froze.
Whats this? Alice leaned in, noting his stiff posture. Im falling for you more and more. What does that mean?
Kevin coughed, trying to appear nonchalant, though his hands trembled a touch.
Sweetheart, youve got it wrong, he blurted, its just a joke, a mate from work was pulling my leg. Were always having a laugh
A joke? Alice crossed her arms, feeling a chill despite the cosy flat. Youre joking?
Im being honest, its nonsense. We just work together, nothing personal.
Are you sure? Because messages like that arent usually signed just a colleague, Alice retorted, studying his face for any hint of deceit.
Im certain as the sun on a midsummer day. Youre overthinking it because of Mums illness. Lets leave this, go for a walk. The suns out, we could use some fresh air.
His eagerness to change the subject made Alice, exhausted from three months of nonstop stress, back down. She gave him the benefit of the doubt, chalking it up to nerves and fatigue. They went for a stroll, but the peace was shortlived.
No sooner had they returned than another message from the same coworker popped up, even more forward. A pang of jealousy rose in Alice, but she chose to speak to Kevin first, not stage a scene.
Kevin, look at what she sent now. This isnt a joke.
He grabbed the phone, his face going pale.
Its a mistake. Ill ask her to stop.
Youll write to her? Or should I? Alices voice quivered.
Alice, I love only you. Lets not make a mountain out of a molehill.
Soon another flight loomed. Back to mum, doctors, tests, hospital wards. Their son remained the only steady thing in the whirlwind. Mums condition eased a bit, and Alice finally exhaled, earning another brief respite.
***
March came again. Mum was a little stronger, and Alice managed another trip home, hoping to find some balance. Balance, however, remained elusive. A quick glance at her SMS thread that day kept nagging at her. She couldnt simply forget those words.
Alice decided not to wait for another excuse; she would ask Kevin directly.
Kevin, I need the truth. I cant live with your vague explanations.
Darling, Ive explained everything! It was just a badtimed joke. I dont see why youre bringing it up again.
Because it makes me uneasy, Alice replied firmly.
Kevin tensed.
Alice, why are you making a mountain out of a molehill? Everythings already complicated enough
I spoke to your colleague, Alice said, her voice turning icecold, and she reached out herself.
Kevin froze.
She wrote, Alice continued, staring straight into his eyes, Yes, I love you. Yes, it happened. What do you have to say to that, Kevin?
He was silent, his face turning ashen.
Leave, Alices voice trembled with heldin emotion, pack your things and go.
No, he whispered, youre making a huge mistake! I never did anything with her. She made it up, and you believed some lunatic!
I dont believe you! Alice snapped, flashing the screenshot of the conversation where the other woman confessed everything, Look! Your joke!
Kevin bowed his head. An eternity of silence stretched. When he finally lifted his gaze, guilt and desperation mingled in his eyes.
Alright. I slipped. I love only you, Alice. Its true.
Slipped? Alice laughed bitterly, Three years of lies in my face! How do you think one respects a person enough to do that?
Its not a lie, I truly love you! Its just that you werent around much, and I»
Not around? Only a coward would behave like that! Alice shouted, stepping back, Youre a coward!
But I didnt leave you, Alice, I didnt abandon you! he tried to grab her hand, Were together
Alice withdrew her hand. Whether he left or stayed didnt matter now; the pain he caused eclipsed everything else.
So you didnt abandon me? she asked, bitter, Youve been torn between us, but you didnt walk away
I couldnt! I love you!
You love? Alice shook her head, No, you stayed because it was convenient, not because you loved me. Im done dissecting your motives. I have to go. Mums getting worse.
Another flight. Another dash to the Lake District, doctors, wards. This time Alice carried not just her mothers illness but the weight of Kevins betrayal
***
Mum passed away in August. By New Years, Alice drifted, going through the motions mechanically. The house she once called a fortress now felt foreign. Her son was her anchor, the only thing keeping her from dissolving into perpetual grey.
When the first months of despair faded, she slowly woke up, but never truly recovered. Every glance at Kevin burned. She couldnt look at him, hear his voice, see his face. Yet she held on her duty to her son, who seemed to sense her turmoil.
Kevin, realizing the depth of his wrongdoing, tried to mend things. He stayed close, offered help, begged forgiveness, pleaded for a fresh start.
Alice, please, lets try again. I made a terrible mistake. I know. I didnt run off when you went to mum. Isnt that proof of my love?
Her mind replayed the SMS snippets shed stumbled upon while cleaning her phone. The words shed missed in her panic now resurfaced starkly.
Youre my everything, hed written to the other woman.
And her reply, etched in her memory:
Did I tell your wife everything right? Someone had to push her. Any other woman would have left, but you a rag!
Alice watched her son building with blocks in the corner, his concentration reminding her of her own childhood. He didnt deserve a home where his mother was haunted by a fathers lies.
Kevin entered, two mugs of tea in hand.
Here, a nice herbal brew. Have a sip.
Alice took the mug but didnt drink.
I cant, Kevin
Alice, we agreed time heals. Give us time. Ill do anything to earn your forgiveness.
Time? she smiled wryly, Time showed youre a master liar. You stayed because leaving got inconvenient, not because you loved me. Her words prove it. She told you to say the right thing to me, didnt she?
That was stupid of her! I told her it was over!
You didnt forbid her, Kevin. You chose the line that suited you at the moment, so I wouldnt fall apart.
Alice inhaled deeply.
I cant forgive. Not now. Maybe never. But I must live, and my son must live. Well stay apart for a while. Ill send him to his aunt for a couple of weeks, and Ill crash at a friends until I figure out what I want next.
Kevins face went pallid. He understood this wasnt a pause; it was a real chance of losing everything.
Alice, dont do this. Please. Ill see a therapist, any specialist. Ill quit my job if I have to. Just dont leave.
Im not leaving you, Kevin. Im leaving the lies, Alice said softly, I cant love you now, and I wont live a lie any longer. Well talk when Im back. If I ever return
***
Alice never returned. For two months the couple lived apart, and then she decided the family wouldnt survive not even for the sake of their son. Kevin changed jobs, cut ties with the other woman. Still, Alice knew that young woman would forever linger in his and her memory, and she wasnt ready to make peace with that. Never.
