**Diary Entry A Life Gone By**
Aunt Zoe, where’s Mikey?
«What do you want him for?»
«We were supposed to go berry picking this morning.»
«Hes gone. Went off with the lads.»
«Gone?» The girls lips trembled. «But he promised…»
«Listen, Tamsin, why dyou cling to that boy, eh? Soon enough youll be chasing after men, and here you are, still trailing after a lad. Go onspend time with the girls, leave Mikey alone, for goodness’ sake.»
Zoe couldnt stand this wide-mouthed, long-legged girl, like a heron in the marshes. The sight of her twisted Zoes stomachjust a child, yet so unbearable. Tamsins lips shook, tears welling in her big eyes.
Ugh, what a mess of a girl. Zoe shrugged and walked deeper into the yard. That one wouldnt leave the poor boy alone.
Just then, her son Mikey darted out from the shed.
«Where to?»
«The woods.»
«Did you clean the pigsty?»
«Done it, Mum.»
«Straw for the chickens?»
«Already did.»
«The coop needs»
«Mum, Ive been working since dawn. Its my holiday! We planned thisthats why I got up early. The lads are waiting.»
«Which lads?»
«Mum, really? The usualBilly, Vinnie, Stevie, Pete, and Geoff.»
«Forgot anyone?»
«No, Mum. Ive got to go.»
«And that wide-mouthed oneshe going with you? A girl tagging along with boys?»
«Mum, enough, alright? Whats Tamsin ever done? Shes my friend.»
«Friend, my foot.» Zoe grabbed his shoulder and hissed, «Stay away from her, son. Shell wrap you around her finger, mark my words. Dont go looking for trouble.»
«Mum, whatre you on about?» The boy wrenched free and bolted, leaping onto his bike without a glance back.
«Tamsin! Tamsin!» Zoe heard his bright voice call. She sank down and wept. Why was that girl so fixated on him? What did she want? A few more years, and hed be courtingthen hed drag this wide-mouthed creature home, saying, «Mum, Dad, this is my wifelove her, wont you?» No. Never.
Zoe wiped her tears, stood firm, and marched to the gate. She hesitated, then strode off down the lane.
By the fence, kids played in a heap of yellow sand. Zoe called to onea tousle-haired, big-headed lad.
«Andy, your mum home?»
«Yeah,» he said, digging intently.
«Fetch her.»
«Mum!» he bellowed.
Blimey. Couldve gone himself, but nohad to shout. Just like his lot.
«Oi!» came the reply from beyond the fence.
«Come here! Aunty wants you.»
Out waddled VeraAndys mum, freckled and wide-mouthed, just as long-legged as her daughter.
«Annie, come here.»
«Alright, Zoe. Whats happened? The kids alright?» She wiped her hands on her apron, worried.
«Nothings happenedknock on wood. But it might. Rein in that Tamsin of yours. Shes a girl, after all»
«What?»
«Shadows the boys, wont leave my Mikey be.»
«Zoe, youve lost the plot. Theyre just kids! Running aboutremember yourself! We did the samemushroom picking, berries, fetching corn for the rabbits, clearing the orchard»
«You mightve. I didnt.»
«Oh, listen to you! Who was it trailing after my brother Jack? Your own mum chased you off with a switch. I rememberIm only four years younger. Sneaking smokes behind the shed, giggling over dirty pictures, sneaking off fishing, snogging behind the barnor did none of that happen?»
«Ive said my piece. Keep that girl in check, or shell end up in trouble.»
«You didnt, did you? Or is our Jack Paws real dad?»
«Stupid cow. What do I want with your lot? My kids are my husbands. But youyouve dragged in every stray.»
«Me? What nonsense! Ive got a man who loves me, thank you. Yours? Stuck with you out of fear. You snatched the first bloke whod have youbecause my Jack dumped you.»
Zoe knew Annie had a sharp tongue. Most women avoided herbut Zoe wasnt one to back down.
Meanwhile, the kids, berries gathered, raced to the stream. Stripping as they ran, clothes flung aside, they splashed, shrieking and laughing, indistinguishableboys, girls, it didnt matter.
Children dont carry the filth adults do. Theyre pureuntil life shapes them. Now, they scampered in vests and knickers (the little ones bare), unashamed, sprawled on the sand afterwards, bums to the sun, chatting and dreaming.
«Pete, whatll you be when you grow up?»
«Like my dada mechanic.»
«Tamsin? A singer?»
«Why a singer?»
«All girls want to be actresses. ‘Fiiive minutes, fiiive minutes!'» Geoff teased.
Tamsin snorted. «You do it, then. Ill be a pilot or a scientist.»
«Ha! Girls dont do that.»
«They do,» said serious Stevie.
Zoe fought to pry Mikey away from that wide-mouthed girl. She sighed in relief when he left for the army. If she saw Tamsin, she turned away.
Once, Tamsin came running, tearful.
«Aunt Zoe, has Mikey written?»
«Course he has. The postie brought one yesterday.»
«Not to me.» Her lips trembled.
«Well, maybe he doesnt want to.»
«But he always did! Why now?»
«What dyou want from me?»
The girl hunched and left.
«Hes got another girl there… in the army,» Zoe muttered after her.
A wedding! Such joy! The groom was GeoffMikeys mate, Tamsins childhood shadow. Hed never dared hope shed choose him. Shed always been with Mikeywept for days when he left for the army. Geoff, rejected from service (bad health), stayed by her side.
Zoe rejoicedfinally, her boy was free.
Mikeys letters asked why Tamsin never wrote. Zoe replied she saw her daily, fine and healthywhy wouldnt she write?
Zoe knew why.
She wrote.
But the postie, Sally, owed Zoeso for part of the debt, she handed Mikeys letters for Tamsin to Zoe instead. And the ones Tamsin sent? Zoe took those too.
A mother knows best.
Mikey returned from the army. No Tamsin.
«Where is she?»
«Gone. Married Geoff. Moved to the city.»
Zoe had a girl in mindNadias daughter, Lucy. Respectable family, factory manager father. Hed set Mikey up nicely.
«Mum… I dont love her.»
«Pfft. Love? Look where that got you.»
The wedding was merryexcept for the groom, stiff as a statue.
Never mind. Love grows, Zoe thought. And the house theyd live in! The father-in-laws connectionsitd all work out.
Time passes. They say it heals.
No. It dulls pain, piles on chorespushes things aside.
Ten years flew like a moment.
Mikey visited with his family; Tamsin and Geoff came to hers. They met by chance, exchanged greetingsshouldve parted, but couldnt.
«Off for a smoke. Might see Stevie,» Mikey said that evening.
«Where?» Zoe blocked the door. «Youre not going.»
«Mum, what?»
«Lucy, go with him. No man wanders alone.»
«No, Zoe. Hes seeing a friendwhy would I?»
«To her? That doe-eyed one? Watch yourself, Mikey.»
His feet led him to the riverbank. The next day, too. On the third, as he turned to leave, a silhouette appeared.
She came.
No recriminations. Just standing beneath their favourite cherry tree, holding each other, unhappy and in love. Even the moon hid behind cloudsnot to intrude.
Another ten years. Then twenty.
Never once did they cross the line.
Was it love? Yes. And responsibilityfor those beside them.
Mikey stood by his wifes grave now, three years a widower. Hed visited his parents. His mother confessedhow shed kept him from Tamsin.
He forgave. The ache remained.
«Mikey?» He turned. Tamsin stood therestill slight, a scarf at her neck. She sat beside him on the bench. They talked.
«Lifes gone by, Mikey.»
«Gone past us, Tam.»
«Why past? Not being together? Maybe thats how it was meant. Dont blame Geoffhe pulled me from despair. And then… I loved him.»
«Out of gratitude?» Mikey smirked.
«No. For his gentle soul. For loving meputting up with me. I loved you, Mikey. But all those years, side by side… I wanted to askdont hold it against him. Support him.»
She left before he could ask how.
That evening, his son called. Phone for him.
«Geoff? You crying?»
«Tams… gone.»
«Where?» He understood. «Ill come.»
Two old friends sat side by side.
«Shed been ill. Told no one. Your wife?»
«Three years gone.»
«Hard.»
«Hard, mate. A lifetime together.»
«Lets stick together. Whos left of our lot?»
«Stevie. And Tony.»
Life had flownlike a single day. Yet when you looked back? No. Years. Just yesterday, they were bare-bottomed kids splashing in the stream.
«Maybe Mum knew something,» Mikey thought. «No point judging now.»
*Lifes not a field to cross
It has its rises, falls,
The weight of past mistakes,
Like stones along the way.*
Good day, my dears. Sending warmth and light. Always yours.
