The key clicked in the lock and, trying not to make a sound, I slipped into the flat. The hallway was dark, only a thin strip of light leaked from the kitchen. My parents were still awake even though it was well past midnight lately that had become the norm, long nighttime talks behind a closed door. Usually they were quiet, but sometimes they’d drift into a muffled quarrel.
I slipped off my shoes, set my laptop bag on the nightstand and crept down the corridor to my room. I didnt feel like explaining why I was late, even though the reason was legitimate a work project had stalled and the deadline was closing in.
Through the wall I could hear low voices.
No, Tom, I cant keep this up, my mum whispered, irritation clear in her tone. You promised last month.
Lucy, understand, now isnt the time, my dad replied, sounding like he was making another excuse.
I sighed wearily. Lately my parents seemed to argue about everything, though they pretended everything was fine when I was around. They were already in their fifties, I was an adult, but it still hurt to sense something wrong in their relationship.
I changed, washed up and crawled under the duvet, but sleep wouldnt come. My thoughts kept looping. My brother James lived apart, in another town, and only visited occasionally. If Mum and Dad decided to split who would get the flat? Who would end up where? And why were they hiding their problems?
The voices behind the wall didnt stop. I reached for the nightstand and felt my headphones I wanted to drown the secrets with music. My hand brushed the phone and it slipped onto the carpet. Picking it up, I accidentally opened the voice recorder. My finger hovered over the screen.
What if I recorded their conversation? Just to know what was happening instead of guessing. If I asked outright, theyd probably brush it off and say everything was fine.
A pang of conscience hit me. Eavesdropping was wrong, let alone recording. But they were my parents, my family. I had a right to know if something serious was going on.
Resolute, I switched the recorder on, placed the phone on the nightstand nearer the wall and pulled the duvet over my head.
The next morning, getting ready for work, I noticed both Mum and Dad looked exhausted. Over breakfast they barely spoke, exchanging only the usual polite phrases.
You got home late yesterday, Mum said, pouring tea. Stuck at work again?
Yes, the project ran over, I answered. Why didnt you sleep?
We were watching a film, Mum waved it off without looking at me.
Dad buried his face in the newspaper, pretending to be engrossed.
Dont expect me for dinner tonight, he muttered, not raising his eyes. Ive got client meetings, might be late.
Mum pursed her lips but said nothing.
All the way to the office I fought the urge to listen to the nights recording. The tube was too crowded, and it felt wrong. I told myself Id wait until evening.
The day dragged on. When I finally got home, Mum was gone a note said shed gone to a friends and would be back late. Dad was still at work, just as hed said. Perfect timing.
I flopped onto the sofa, wrapped a blanket around me and pressed play.
At first only fragments drifted through, then the words sharpened.
tell Emily? Dads voice sounded uneasy.
I dont know, Mum sighed. Im scared she wont understand. So many years have passed.
But she has a right to know.
Of course she does, but how do we explain why we kept silent all this time?
I froze. What were they hiding? What truth lay behind their whispers?
Remember how it all started? Dad asked, a faint smile in his tone.
Of course, Mum chuckled. I thought it would be shortlived, turned out to be for life.
What a life its become, Dad chuckled. Sometimes it was tough.
Especially after Emily arrived.
My heart clenched. Especially? Did they see me as an unwanted child? Or something else?
But we managed, Dad continued. She turned out wonderful.
Mums voice swelled with pride, and I relaxed a little. Now we need to decide what to do next. Im tired of this double life, Tom.
A double life? My mind raced an affair? Mutual betrayals? The thought made me sick.
Lucy, lets wait for James to come back. Well sort it all out together, as a family.
Alright, Mum agreed. No more postponements. Either we change everything or I dont know what then.
The recording cut off they must have left the kitchen or the phone stopped.
I sat stunned. What was happening to my family? Why wait for James to explain? A thousand questions, no answers. Should I record another conversation? That felt too invasive. Better to speak to James, maybe he knew more, or to Aunt Vera, Mums sister, whod always been straightforward with me.
I decided Id call James tomorrow and, on the weekend, pay Aunt Vera a visit.
James didnt answer all day; he finally called near evening.
Hey, Em, sorry, I was on site and left my phone in the van, he said, his voice as upbeat as ever.
When are you coming back? I asked straight away.
This weekend, I think. Whats up?
Mum and Dad have been acting strange lately. Theyve been whispering at night, pretending everythings fine. They mentioned some double life.
There was a pause.
James? I prompted.
Yeah, Im here, he cleared his throat. Listen, dont read too much into it. People have their secrets, even parents.
So you know whats going on?
He hesitated. I I suspect something, but if they dont bring it up themselves, theyre not ready. Give me until Saturday, alright? Ill be back and we can talk.
Fine, I said reluctantly. What about Aunt Vera?
No need, he replied quickly. Lets keep this between us.
After that call my anxiety only grew. He really did know something, and he seemed intent on shielding Vera. Could it be an affair? A family scandal?
That evening Mum returned from her friend, looking lighter, cheeks flushed.
Guess what, Em? Tom is selling the flat! He wants to move to the countryside, get away from the citys hustle.
I nodded, unsure how to react.
Would you like country life? I asked, surprising myself.
Mum paused, then answered cautiously.
I dont know sometimes it does sound nice. Fresh air, a garden
And Dad?
What about Dad? I asked.
Ask him yourself, Mum said, suddenly serious. Hell be home late, dont wait for him at dinner.
Dad arrived earlier than promised, the front door slamming shut. I called out, Dad, tea?
On my way, he called back, shedding his tie as he entered. Wheres Mum?
Shes in the living room watching a film, I replied, pouring another mug. Hows work?
All good, he sighed, sinking into a chair. The client finally agreed to our terms, so the projects moving forward.
I set the tea down. Is it true you and Mum have something important to tell me?
He stared at me, a flicker of surprise crossing his face.
Where did you hear that?
James mentioned youd be back this weekend and that youd explain everything, I lied, avoiding his gaze. He said youd tell me then.
David (Dad) furrowed his brow, then relaxed a little.
Yes, there is a conversation. But lets wait for James, okay? Itll be easier.
Is it something bad? Are you getting a divorce? I blurted.
What? No, of course not! he exclaimed, genuinely baffled. Why would you think that?
Youre always whispering, arguing. Mum talked about a double life.
Confusion flashed on his face, then a hint of relief.
Em, youve misunderstood, he sighed. No divorce. Actually, he trailed off, then steadied himself. Just wait till the weekend. I promise nothing terrible.
Really?
Absolutely, he said, squeezing my hand. Now have some tea before it gets cold.
That night I lay awake, trying to piece together the fragments. If not a divorce, then what? Illness? Money problems? A move? The thought that something big was about to change made my stomach churn. Id just started building my career here, had friends, loved the city.
A soft knock on my door roused me.
Cant sleep? Mum asked, peeking in.
No, I replied, propping myself up. Whats keeping you up?
Just thinking. What did you and Dad talk about?
Nothing special, I shrugged. Just work, James coming this weekend.
She nodded. He called earlier.
We fell silent.
Mum, are you and Dad okay? I finally asked.
She gave me an odd smile. Perfectly fine. Life just throws surprises at you, even at our age. We just have to decide what to do with them.
Good or bad surprises?
Both, she said, smoothing my hair as she had when I was a child. Dont worry too early, love. Youll find out soon enough.
She kissed my forehead and left, leaving me with even more questions.
The weekend arrived abruptly. James showed up Saturday around noon, tanned and loud, bearing gifts and an odd tension in his eyes.
So, family council time? he joked as we gathered in the lounge after lunch.
Dad and Mum exchanged a glance.
Yes, I think its about time, Dad said. Kids, we have news.
I held my breath.
Were moving, Mum announced.
Where to? I exhaled.
To a village, Dad replied. Specifically to Oakwood, about a hundred miles from here.
Why? I asked, turning from one parent to the other.
Because thats where our home really is, Mum said simply. Our real home.
It turned out theyd bought a cottage fifteen years ago. Initially it was just a weekend retreat, but over the last decade it became a fullblown passion gardening, a small orchard, even a beehive.
Beehive? I gasped. You keep bees?
Yes, Dad said proudly. We now have fifteen hives and the honeys excellent.
Chickens, goats? Mum added. Were even thinking of taking a cow this year.
So youre farmers? I asked, halfamused.
Seems so, Mum laughed. Do you know how many fruit trees we have? Apple, pear, plum, raspberry, blackcurrant
I raised a hand to stop the flood of information. When do you work there? I thought you were always at the office.
Work isnt just a desk, Dad said. Its both the city office and the countryside farm.
I turned to James.
Did you know?
Of course, he shrugged. Ive helped them with the extensions. The house is twostorey now.
And you never mentioned it? I snapped, my irritation flaring. Why?
Parents exchanged another glance.
Because you always said you hated the countryside, Mum said quietly. Remember when we took you to Grandmas? Youd cry and beg to go back. Whenever we suggested a weekend away, you found an excuse.
It was when I was a child! I protested. Im an adult now!
But you never asked where we were really going, Dad noted. It felt awkward to admit we had a whole farm hidden.
You hid it! I muttered.
Not at first, Mum replied. We just said we were going to the cottage. We never clarified it was a working farm. Over time it became our secret.
Double life, I murmured, recalling the recorded argument.
Exactly, Dad confirmed. In the city were office workers; out there were farmers. And were truly happy.
And you want to move there permanently? What about work?
Im retiring next month, Mum said. Dads arranged to go remote. Hell only come into the city once a week for meetings.
The flat?
Well leave it to you if you want, or sell it and split the proceeds. Your call.
I sank back onto the sofa, trying to digest everything.
So youve had a whole farm all this time and I knew nothing, I said bitterly. Brilliant.
Em, we didnt mean to keep you in the dark, Mum moved closer and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. It just happened. We didnt know how to tell you, then we got tangled up. Forgive us.
I stayed silent, the words sinking in. Then I asked, Can I come and see? Your house, the farm?
Of course! Dad beamed. Even tomorrow!
Tomorrow then, I agreed. Ill go with you.
That night sleep eluded me. Anger mixed with curiosity, irritation with excitement. How much had I missed while chasing my career, friends, this city life?
The next morning we piled into the car and drove away. The further we got from London, the livelier Dad and Mum became, chattering about neighbours, soil experiments, the sauna Dad built himself, and Mums new jam recipes.
When we turned onto a narrow lane, Mum faced me.
You know, we wanted to tell you for ages, especially once we decided to move for good. We were scared of how youd react.
Thought youd tease us, Dad added, city retirees playing farmers.
I wouldnt laugh, I replied softly.
We understand now, Mum smiled. Youre grown, we should have trusted you more.
The car stopped at the gate of a sizable plot, behind which stood a charming timber house.
Welcome to our true home, Dad said, turning off the engine. Ready to meet our secret life?
I nodded and opened the door. A fresh scent of grass and blossoms hit me. Somewhere in the distance a cow mooed, chickens clucked. James was already unloading bags from the boot.
I still cant believe you kept this whole life from me, I said, shaking my head. But you know what? I like it.
Mum squeezed my shoulders.
Weve even prepared a spare bedroom for you, just in case you want to visit on weekends.
Or even for the summer? Dad suggested.
I smiled.
Lets talk about that later. First, show me the bees. I want to know what made you trade the city for the countryside.
We walked the path to the house, and I felt that perhaps Id gained more than just an answer to a mystery a chance to glimpse an entirely different world, one I might now have a place in.
