«Didn’t they ever tell you as a kid that you can’t build happiness on someone else’s misery?» Annie gave me a slightly reproachful look.
«Oh, they did. Read about it in books too. But back then, it didnt matter. When youre a carefree kid, what do you even know about happiness or misery? How can you build something so vague on someone elses pain? All I dreamed about was sweets, ice cream, cartoons, and maybe catching a film at the cinema.
Honestly, all my aunts and uncles were on their second or third marriageswhere was I supposed to learn morals?
Annies my best mate, always the proper, principled one. She never judged me, though. Over a glass of wine, shed happily listen to my tangled love stories. She couldnt afford any slip-ups herselfbeing a lecturer at the university. Reputation and all that.
Her marriage? Rock-solid, at least on the surface. Back in the day, her husband, Dave, was a bit too fond of the bottlerowdy, tried cheating a few times. Annie had him coded for good. At parties, hed grumble about needing to unwind, and shed just say, «Dave, if you cant behave, dont bother.»
Hed shut up. Eventually, he settled for pouring drinks, keeping tabs on everyones glasses, and passing around snacks. Sometimes Annie took him to Spain or Greece, but even there, hed embarrass her.
«Can you believe it?» she fumed after their Barcelona trip. «While I was by the pool, this idiot was cozying up to some quick-witted tart at the bar. Smiling, sipping cocktailsher eyes all over him. I swear, when we got back to the room, I gave him hell.»
«Bet he denied everything?» I grinned.
«Of course! Said I was imagining things,» Annie scoffed.
«And you?»
«Eh, let him dream. Wheres he gonna go? Whod want him with his measly salary? Even if some lonely widow picked him up, shed kick him out in a month. All hes got is that twinkle in his eyenothing else to offer.»
When Mark came into my married life, I knew it was trouble. He had a wife, two sons. I fought the feelings, but they hit like an avalanche. Love like thatsharp, dangerousfelt like a knife at your throat.
My conscience whispered, «Stop. Dont grab the hot iron. Youve got your own family. Why chase a married man? Youll regret it. Youll cry rivers.»
But I charged ahead, reckless. Couldnt go a day without him. We were obsessed, drowning in each other. Thenall barriers broken. Just us and this toxic passion, going in circles.
Six months in, it was clear we had nothing in common. But we kept pretending the love was alive. I revived it so many times.
Mark drank like a fish, lied shamelessly, even raised his hand to me. We were from different worlds. I kicked him out, took the keys, blocked his number, gave him the silent treatment. Hed vanish for weeks, then come back with flowers and burning passion.
I took him backevery time. I was in too deep. He drained me, turned me inside out. So I jumped into something newa rebound, really. Wanted to hurt him like hed hurt me. Misery loves company.
After another fight, Mark «disappeared.» So I called an old flame, James. Every womans got a backup, right?
James was Marks oppositecalm, polite, teetotal. At first, it was nice. But within a month? Dull. No fire, just a flatline. I missed the chaos, the rollercoaster. I regretted letting him close. Not my type. He kept calling, but eventually got the hint.
Alone again. Free. Exhausted from the drama. A month of peacethen Mark called. «Laura, lets meet.»
I ran to him, still hopelessly in love.
«Lets end this,» he said, avoiding my eyes. «Well destroy each other. This intensityits too much.»
«Youre right,» I said, heart sinking. «We cant make it work. Were walking a razors edge.»
We parted ways. For three whole days. Thenknock at the door. Mark, with champagne, roses, that fiery look.
The night burned. We tangled together, breathless, soaring. But I knew morning would bring nothing good. Too perfect, too much.
Turns out, all my past suffering was just the warm-up. Mark confessed he owed serious moneygambling debts. «Pay up, or else.»
We sold his flat, his carfinally cleared the debt. After that, my passion for him faded fast. That debt? The last straw.
Now? Total indifference. Were like distant cousinschat, laugh, sleep in separate beds. Just drifting. Nothing stirs me. I drank the bitter cup dry.
No happiness built.
Loved out, burned out.
