I loved Emily with a fierce devotion, so fierce that I forgave her almost everything.
We married when Emily was still a girl, barely nineteen. Shed been chasing James since she was sixteen, even trying to act older than her years. At first he barely noticed her; she was just a little thing to him. Then she grew up, became a beauty, and James thought, why turn away from something thats practically falling into my lap?
James was twentyfour then, Emily eighteen. Their relationship began odd, crooked, offkilter.
James could vanish for days, ignore his phone and forget to answer messages. Hed simply wander somewhere. Then hed reappear as if nothing had happened, and Emily would always be waiting. There were tears, of course, but James kept telling her he loved only her. He claimed he was a free spirit, never fully satisfied.
Emily clung to the hope that one day hed change, that hed love her as deeply as she loved him.
Emily had a childhood friend, Daniel. Theyd grown up together in the same block, gone to the same primary school and later the same secondary school.
Daniel had been secretly in love with Emily for years, but he knew she saw him only as a mate. It hurt him that she didnt value herself, that she didnt realise she deserved the very best.
He knew that if Emily ever returned his feelings, he would move heaven and earth for her. Yet he understood that wouldnt happen. She was smitten with James, as if hed cast a spell on her. So Daniel kept his distance, hovering just out of sight.
Whenever James disappeared again or started a pointless argument, Emily would burst into tears and turn to Daniel.
Why does he treat me like this? I love him so much shed sob.
Maybe you should stop loving him, Daniel would snap.
I cant, you dont get it shed plead.
Daniel understood perfectly. He, too, would gladly give up his love for Emily if he could, but he didnt want to argue. He simply knew what she felt.
James grew more out of control. He began drinking heavily and flirting openly with other women. Emily, desperate to cling to something, made the biggest mistake a lovesick girl could make she got pregnant, naively thinking a child would fix everything. She believed James would finally mature, take responsibility, cherish her, and love their baby.
She fell pregnant at nineteen and told James, only to find no joy in his eyes.
We ought to get married, I suppose, she whispered, embarrassed, before anyone can see the baby bump.
Probably, James muttered, frowning.
Why James finally agreed to tie the knot was a mystery. Perhaps he thought something might come of it, or simply didnt realize he could walk away.
Emily was the happiest bride. For Daniel, however, that day felt like a funeral. He watched her, radiant with hope, and wished he could whisk her away, lock her up, keep her until she saw that he was far better than James. He never acted on it, though he feigned goodwill toward her future husband while drowning his own sorrows in drink.
Emily and James welcomed a son, Aaron. At first James tried to be a decent father and husband. He stopped disappearing, cut back on latenight outings, helped with the baby, and didnt argue with Emily.
But soon he realised that domestic life wasnt his cup of tea. When Aaron turned one, James fell back into his old habits. He vanished for three days, leaving Emily frantic. She called every morgue and hospital, even the friends of James, in a desperate search.
Daniel was there again, looking after Aaron while Emily scoured every shady corner for her husband. She even managed to file a police report before James finally staggered back.
Emily screamed, sobbed, demanded answers.
Im not obliged to answer you, James snapped, marching into the kitchen. Aaron began to cry, but his father was too hungover to notice.
From that point on James stopped pretending. Hed come and go, and each time Emily welcomed him, clinging to the hope that hed finally change.
When Aaron turned three, James left for good. At first he disappeared briefly, and Emily assumed hed just been out again. But when she picked Aaron up from nursery after work, she found the house empty of Jamess belongings.
She was still trying to make sense of it when a message pinged on her phone:
Im filing for divorce myself, dont wait for me.
Emily was devastated, screaming into the night, not wanting to live. Daniel rushed over the moment he heard what had happened. He spent an entire day with her, looking after Aaron, making sure she didnt do anything reckless.
When Emily finally steadied herself, Daniel made his move.
So, Ill be your husband now. And Aarons dad.
Emily looked at her old friend, shook her head.
Im sorry, but I dont love you that way. I love you as a friend and Im grateful for everything youve done, but as a man I cant see you that way.
I know, Daniel said flatly. But I love you more than just a friend. I wont let you suffer any longer
Daniel could barely find the words. Emily was shattered, but she gave a small nod, letting him stay.
Daniel didnt push. He stayed by Emilys side, caring for Aaron as if he were his own son. Emily watched Daniel and realised there was no better option. No one else would love her child like her friend, no one else would look after her as Daniel did.
She surrendered, not out of love, but out of sheer hopelessness.
Daniel was over the moon when Emily agreed to marry him. The first time Aaron called him dad, Daniel even wept.
Life settled into a happy, enviable family routine. Sometimes Daniel thought Emily might love him as a man, not just a friend. Other times he feared James would appear, that Emily might abandon everything and return to her wayward exhusband.
He lived caught between two flames, rejoicing in their happiness one moment, waking in terror of nightmares the next.
Then a nightmare became reality. Aarons sixth birthday arrived. Emily and Daniel had planned a spectacular celebration. Aaron and his friends first bounced in a trampoline park, then came home to cake and presents.
Just as Aaron was about to blow out his candles, there was a knock at the door.
Someone else here to wish him happy birthday? Emily smiled.
Ill get it, Daniel said.
He didnt look through the peephole; he simply opened the door. A cold dread slithered into his chest as James stood there, clutching a strange stuffed rabbit.
Seeing Daniel, James sneered.
Still hanging around, huh? Wheres my son? I came to wish him a happy birthday.
Whos there, Dan? Emily shouted from the kitchen, turning pale as James stepped in, followed by a trembling Aaron.
Hey, birthday boy! James grinned. Happy birthday, son!
Aaron stared first at James, then at Daniel.
Dad, whos this? he asked Daniel.
Jamess face darkened; he hadnt expected this.
Dad, then he muttered.
Daniel, take Aaron away, Emily snapped, her voice hoarse.
Emily please
The look in Jamess eyes was the same that had haunted them before. Daniel had always known this moment could come. He swore hed never hand Aaron over. He was Aarons father now, not some careless mistake.
Daniel played with Aaron in the living room, surrounded by gifts. Yet his mind raced, waiting for Emily to step in and tell him it was time to leave. He waited, terrified.
Emily entered, her hands shaking, her smile forced.
So, hows everything? she asked.
Were playing! Aaron shouted. Did Uncle leave?
He left. Weve already blown out the candles, but we havent even touched the cake yet!
Yes! the birthday boy yelled, sprinting to the kitchen. Daniel grabbed Emilys elbow, staring at her.
Whats wrong? Emily asked, trying to smile. Lets get Aaron before he crushes the whole cake. Otherwise well end up at the dentist later.
Emily she began, but stopped.
She wrapped her arms around Daniel and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
He wont come back. Aaron doesnt need him; he has a real father.
And you? he asked.
Me? All I need is you.
Daniel smiled, then led Emily into the kitchen.
Perhaps that wild, reckless love never truly died. Perhaps a fragment of it lingered in Emilys heart. But youthful folly had yielded to wisdom, and Daniels steady love thawed the ice around the naïve girls heart. Emily now knew she was happier than ever, and that mad passion of her past was best left behind, for it had never brought her anything good.
