**Diary Entry 15th March**
I found my daughters journal today, and it broke me.
*»Look at you! Back late again! And what on earth is that in your nose?»*
Emily stood in the hallway, arms folded. Her voice, usually so gentle, was sharp with anger. My sixteen-year-old, Lily, slowly untied her trainers, avoiding eye contact. A tiny stud glinted in her nostril like a defiant spark.
*»It’s a nose piercing, Mum. Everyone has them.»*
*»Everyone? Whos ‘everyone’? That new friend of yours, Chloe, with the dozen earrings? Is that who?»*
*»Chloes fine! You dont even know her!»* Lily finally looked up, her eyes glistening with angry tears. *»And I didnt ask your permission. Its my body.»*
*»Your body?»* Emily stepped closer. *»While you live under my roof, on my money, your body is my concern! Do you have any idea the risks? Tetanus, infectionsdid you do this in some filthy basement?»*
*»I went to a proper studio! Everything was sterile! Why do you always assume the worst?»*
*»Because I waited up half the night! You didnt answer your phoneI was ringing hospitals! And you were off getting a bloody piercing! Take it out. Now.»*
*»No!»* Lily squared her shoulders, nearly as tall as her mother now. *»Its my life. My choices. You hate everything I likemy music, my friends, my clothes!»*
*»Because those things lead nowhere!»* Emilys voice cracked. *»You should be studying, aiming for university, not ruining yourself!»*
Lily shoved past her, slamming her bedroom door so hard the china in the display cabinet rattled.
*»I hate you!»*
The words echoed in the silent hallway. Emily leaned against the wall, legs shaky. *Hate.* After everythingthe double shifts to afford nice clothes, the tutors, the summers at the seaside. Shed given up her own life when her husband left, dedicating herself entirely to Lily. And this was her reward.
She made tea on autopilot, hands trembling. Memories flashed: Lily as a toddler with ribboned pigtails, as a beaming first-grader clutching gladioli, whispering, *»Mummy, youre the best.»* Where had that girl gone? When had she become this prickly, furious stranger?
The next morning, Lily stayed locked in her room. Emily cleaned obsessively, needing an excuse to breach the icy silence.
*»Lily, Im mopping the floors. Open up.»*
The door cracked open. Lily had her back turned, headphones on. Emily spotted something beneath the beda pink diary with a tiny lock. Shed bought it last birthday, and Lily had laughed. *»Who keeps diaries anymore?»* Apparently, she did.
Guilt clawed at her. This was wrong. But that hissed *»I hate you»* burned too fiercely. She *had* to understand.
Later, when Lily left to meet Chloe, Emily crept in. The lock gave way to a paperclip.
The entries were ordinary at firstschool rants, band lyrics. Then, last weeks page:
*»Aunt Sarah visited today. Again with the Emily, youre a saint raising Lily alone! And Lily, such a perfect daughter! I smiled like an idiot. But inside? Im just Mums project. Her trophy. Do I get to want anything? Or am I just here to fulfil her dreams?»*
Emilys fingers went cold. Shed *never* thought
Further back:
*»Mum screamed at me for being an hour late, then cried about how alone she is. Classic guilt trip. Like I owe her my life for raising me.»*
Each page was a knife twist. Her advice, warped into criticism. Her love, smothering as a straitjacket.
Then, yesterdays entry:
*»I HATE HER. She suffocates me. Controls every step. This piercing was *my* choice, and she ruined it. I wish I could escape. Just*anywhere*.»*
Emilys world crumbled. She wasnt a loving mother. She was a jailer.
That night, Lily found her crying on the sofa.
*»Mum?»*
*»Just a headache,»* Emily lied.
She called her oldest friend, Martha, the next morning.
*»You *do* smother her,»* Martha said gently. *»Remember when we dyed our hair blue and snuck to punk gigs? Lilys just like us. She doesnt hate *you*. She hates the cage.»*
So Emily tried. Bit by bit.
She didnt scold about the piercingjust reminded Lily to clean it. Asked about her music (though the screaming vocals made her wince). Complimented her sketchbook of edgy fashion designs.
Weeks passed. One evening, over tea, Lily hesitated.
*»Mum Ive been looking at fashion colleges. For costume design.»*
Old Emily wouldve scoffed. *»Proper degrees only!»* New Emily swallowed hard.
*»That sounds exciting. What do you need to apply?»*
Lilys eyes widened. *»Youyoure okay with it?»*
*»I want you to be happy. Truly happy.»*
Lily hugged her thenproperly, for the first time in years.
That pink diary had shattered Emilys perfect illusion. But it also saved them. Taught her to love Lily for who she wasnot who shed forced her to be.
**Lesson learned:** Love shouldnt be a chain. Sometimes, the hardest thing to give is freedom.
