Listen, said Daves fatherinlaw in a tone that could chill a summers day, we took you into the family, were treating you like a proper human being, and you turn down our modest requests? Not very neighbourly, soninlaw! You ought to respect your wifes parents. When you need a hand, who will you be knocking on?
***
Sophie was born the moment her mother turned nineteen. The early motherhood threw a spanner in the young couples plans, so for the first few years the baby was looked after by her grandmother, Nellie. While the parents chased their degrees, Nellie became Sophies first and most reliable anchor.
The wedding took place after the daughters birth, but the family really settled down only when Sophie turned six. That was when her parents finally whisked her away to a flat in Birmingham and enrolled her in Year1.
The new household never clicked from the start. Her father, a respectable middlemanager, showed a complete lack of interest in both his wife and his daughter. His life was a carousel of latenight outings, infidelities and endless pints. Her mother, meanwhile, disappeared into work until the small hours. Left to her own devices, Sophie spent most of her days roaming the streets. Sporadic, often cold meals left her with chronic gastritis. When the condition flared, her mother would ferry her from one NHS clinic to another, turning her visits into a convenient lever of control.
In that house the notion of personal boundaries or the right to an opinion simply didnt exist. Any wish Sophie voiced was smothered on the spot. If she tried to stand her ground, it inevitably exploded into a scandal and a torrent of accusations. Her mother would openly label her an ungrateful little brat.
Im doing my best for you, and you cant even muster a crumb of thanks! Only the Good Lord knows how much misery youve caused me, the mother would wail, get out of my sight!
The tension peaked over a seemingly trivial dispute when teenage Sophie refused to take part in an evening photosession with her parents and their guests. Her mother erupted:
Shameless! How dare you disgrace me in front of people? Change your clothes at once and get out! This very instant!
Mum, Im not going to be photographed, Sophie snapped, I want to sleep! I need to get up early tomorrow.
Her mother lunged at her with clenched fists, her father stepped in to separate them, then calmly told Sophie they were hoping for another child but, for some reason, couldnt have one.
If I could, Id throw you out of the house this very second, he snarled, a pity we cant have any other children! If there were even one chance, Id ship you straight to a care home!
***
Sophie never had the right to say no. Her mother increasingly called her useless and ungrateful. It wasnt until Sophie turned sixteen and a foster sister arrived that her mother softened a development that only added a fresh layer of stress for Sophie.
Youre still our golden girl, her mother sighed, watching the foster girl fling plates about because she wasnt allowed a computer like everyone else, you never gave us any trouble! We listened to your father, agreed to the adoption now therell be no more problems with this
No one knew that at school Sophie was regularly bullied, locked in cupboards, and treated like the class outcast. She never complained; she simply saw no point in whining when nobody would stand up for her.
She chose a career in law because her parents pushed for it, hoping it would finally earn their approval. That backfired spectacularly they now accused her of still not finding her place.
Why study law? her father sneered, youll end up on the factory floor anyway. Youre talentless! Maybe theyll finally take you somewhere
Sophie endured in silence, dreaming of shedding the shackles her parents had so lovingly forged. She was exhausted.
***
When Sophie married, her parents staged a prewedding showdown, accusing her of selfishness, ruining their plans, and even stealing money. In truth, she had borrowed a modest sum she simply wanted to chip in to the big day. Meanwhile, her mother never missed a chance to dump her own woes on Sophie.
Do you realise how much effort weve poured into you? her mother demanded when Sophie tried to decline another favour.
I get it, Mum, but Dave and I are trying to stand on our own two feet, we have our own worries, Sophie replied gently, sorry, no time for all that!
What worries? Your worries are our worries! Your husband should understand that, her father interjected, and is it really that much to ask? Pick up some groceries, drop them at the restaurant, mind the younger cousin while were at the wedding.
Dad, Dave works late and has an important meeting tomorrow, Sophie attempted to object.
A meeting? More important than family? Have you forgotten how hard we had it raising you? Your illnesses, your terrible character! her mothers voice rose.
Mum, you talk about my ailments that appeared while you were busy with work and other things. I dont recall you ever actually raising me, Sophie answered with a bitter edge.
Ungrateful! You have no idea what it means to be a parent! If it werent for us, youd be on the streets! she shouted, living off your gran in poverty!
Mum, Im grateful, but Im not obligated to devote my entire life to you! All we ask is a sliver of personal space, Sophie sighed.
Personal space? You just got married and youre already thinking of yourself! We gave you a home, we raised you! her father persisted, and now you dare turn us down?
Mum, you have no claim over our flat, Sophie retorted, hinting that the couples apartment was mortgagefinanced and they were paying it together.
If youre so independent, why cant you land a decent job, and why are you hanging around shady contracts? And most of all, why havent you repaid us for your education? her father jabbed, delivering a lowblow, we funded you. A little gratitude, at least?
Sophie finally turned to her father:
Dad, could you maybe stop backing her in this farce?
Sophie, dont start, her father said calmly but firmly, Mums right. Were just asking for a little. Your husband should know his place. Nothing will happen to him if he drives us around. Were your family.
Dave isnt our taxi! Sophies voice cracked with exasperation.
Have you gone mad? How dare you raise your voice at your father? her mother stepped forward.
Dave, who had been silent until then, had had enough:
Enough! Stop shouting at her! I married your daughter, Ive taken responsibility for her. Im not your servant!
Who do you think you are, telling us what to do? his father roared, we took our daughter into the family, and out of gratitude you should be helping us!
I love Sophie and I want her happy. Since the wedding youve given us no peace, Dave said firmly, either we live our own lives, or shell have no contact with you!
Sophie looked at Dave, then at her parents.
Sophie, you cant! Youll betray us! her mother hissed, youre our daughter! Weve done so much for you
I remember, Mum, Sophie whispered, clenching her fists, I remember everything you did to humiliate me, the beatings, the wish for another child. I remember
Ungrateful! her mothers voice rang.
No, Mum. Im an adult with my own family. Daves right: well live our own life. You can stop calling us until you learn to respect our choices.
The first few days of this socalled freedom were tense. The parents called, threatened, tried to blackmail with silence, but Sophie and Dave held fast. Sophie also decided to deprive her father of the one lever he still had she intended to pay back the money they claimed for her education. The couple scrimped on everything to clear the debt quickly.
The hardest part was weathering Sophies own breakdowns. Defending her right to a normal life meant confronting years of psychological pressure. Dave was her rock, her steady cliff.
Well get through this, love. Well make it, I promise!
And they did. It took a year to settle the parents bill, which they had inflated to £250,000 even though the actual tuition was half that. Once the money was paid, Sophie cut off contact. Her parents, still nursing a bruised ego, made no move to reconcile with their ungrateful daughter.
