Youve forgotten to ask me! Take the guests, and dont be cheeky! declared the motherinlaw to her daughterinlaw. This time she got what she deserved.
How is that it doesnt concern me? What are you talking about? I live here, this is my flat too, so Im telling you no! Nell stood in the hallway, trying to keep her motherinlaw and the strangers out.
Youve forgotten to ask who were putting up and where! retorted Claudia Steadman, her tone brash. Take the guests, and dont be cheeky. Come in, Lottie, Peter, she jokes.
With those words the woman forced a false smile on the arriving people, slipped inside herself and dragged an elderly couple behind her.
No, why should I fight you? Nell asked, her voice trembling.
Theres no need to fight anyone, dear, the motherinlaw said again, a sour grin on her face. If Matthew were home now you wouldnt have dared say a word against our kin. My son is hospitable and respects his family. You could learn a thing or two from him, if you werent so uncouth.
Five minutes earlier Claudia had rung the buzzer downstairs. Standing by the entrance she begged her daughterinlaw to let her in. Nell, without a second thought, pressed the intercom button and let the motherinlaw pass, though she scarcely understood why she should be here while her husband, Matthew, lay in the hospital with an appendix flareup.
When Nell finally opened the flats door she was stunned and irritated. Beside her motherinlaw stood a man and a woman shed never seen, each clutching a travel bag.
Meet my cousin Lottie and her husband, said Claudia. Theyve come to see the family.
Hello, Nell replied curtly, baffled by their sudden appearance and their luggage.
Ive brought guests for you. Theyll be staying with you and Matthew, Claudia announced as if the decision were already settled. Id put them up at my place, but my old friend Zinnia from Brighton lives there with her grandson. So, Nell, welcome them. Lottie and Peter have kindly agreed to stay with you.
Now, with these strangers practically flooding Nells flat, she didnt know what to do. Call the local constable to evict them, or first ring her husband in the ward?
Meanwhile the uninvited guests, eyes flicking over the room, began to unpack their bags.
Cosy here, very spacious. Tell me, Nell, is the tube far? Wed like to go into the centre tomorrow, wander about, admire the monuments and historic buildings, asked Lottie.
Nell hadnt opened her mouth to answer when the everpresent motherinlaw beat her to it.
Not far at all. Ten minutes walk, nice and easy. We helped pick this flat for our son, thinking of the park, the tube, the shops and the school, boasted Claudia.
Well done, Claudia! Youve secured education and a home for our son, Lottie chimed, talking as if Nell werent there.
Im calling Matthew. Its outrageous how you behave! Nell fumed, unable to smile at the intrusion of complete strangers.
Call him. Let my boy be glad his aunt and uncle, whom he hasnt seen for ages, have arrived. Shame Matthew cant receive them properly now, the motherinlaw snapped, eyes flashing at her daughterinlaw.
While the newcomers chatted, Nell actually dialed her husband, whod had surgery two days before.
Matthew didnt answer, probably still under the effects of painkillers. Nell didnt try again, deciding to call later.
It wasnt hard for her to host her husbands relatives, had the motherinlaw asked politely beforehand. Instead she stormed in, belittling Nell.
Claudia seemed to think the purchase of the flat by Nell and Matthew was entirely her and her husbands doing. The flat had been bought on a mortgage, the first deposit covered by loans from both sets of parents. Everyone had contributed, yet Claudia lifted herself above the rest, insisting her role was paramount.
Nell, who never liked her motherinlaw, believed her son could have found a better match. She never hid her disdain, confident the daughterinlaw could not give her a proper rebuff.
Nells nerves frayed. She tried the husbands mobile again; only a long, mournful ring. She didnt persist after all, he was in a hospital, not a spa.
Alright, my dears, Im off. My house is full of guests, and they need my attention too. Make yourselves at home, rest, and tomorrow well arrange a meeting, Claudia sang as she left, leaving Nell alone with her unexpected house guests.
Facing no clear exit, Nell realised she would have to let the strangers stay the night. Throwing them out was easy, but she feared how Matthew would react, and she didnt want to argue with him while he lay ill.
Dont worry, weve already dined. Just put us up for the night, thats all, the guests said.
At last Matthew called back, asking how his wife was faring.
Its a nightmare! Nell whispered from the balcony, shutting the door behind her so the guests couldnt hear, tears barely held back. Your mother has done it again! Im in shock!
What happened, love? Dont scare meIm not feeling great either, Matthew replied.
She brought some distant relatives to my flat!
Brought? As guests?
Yes, she brought them to live with us! Her cousin and husband from some backwater village. She barged them in, called me names, shoved them past me, then left. Ive never seen them before, Matthew! I tried to stop her, but she shoved them in, slamming the door.
Hold on, Im not following. Im still a bit dazed after the operation. She brought Aunt Lottie and Uncle Peter? She told me weeks ago they were coming to visit, but why here?
Exactly, Im trying to work it out! Perhaps she didnt want to bother with guests cooking, attention so she dumped it on me!
Ill call her now and tell her to take them back. Theyre useless here, strangers. But its probably too late for tonight; let them stay and leave tomorrow, Ill warn her not to cause a scene, Matthew tried to soothe.
I cant just leave them overnight, but fine, Ill let them stay, theyre your kin, Nell replied reluctantly.
Lottie and Peter had to remain.
The next morning, as Nell left for work, she told Matthews relatives that the front door could simply be shut when she left.
You wont give us the keys? they asked, bewildered. How will we get back in? Or should we wait at the stairwell for you to return from work?
You wont be coming back. You wont be living here, Nell answered curtly and walked away, refusing to hear further complaints.
What did you think of? Claudia called immediately. Why didnt you give Lottie and Peter the keys? You said theyd live with us, then you disobey again?
Did Matthew call you? Nell asked.
He did, but I told him its your duty to welcome guests, especially relatives. Dont irritate him with your whims. Let him heal! You wont break a thing, just set the table a few times for my kin, the motherinlaw snapped.
Nell switched off, hoping the unwanted relatives would never manage to reenter her flat again. She swore she would never open the door to anyone else.
That evening, she returned home to a disturbing scene.
Peter and Lottie were at the kitchen table, surrounded by slices of ham, cheese, and other food theyd scavenged from the fridge. The most outraging thing was that the guests had been drinking a mysterious brew for hours.
Oh, Nells finally here! slurred Lottie. Cook us something quick, were famished, and we still cant work out your fancy new stove. Weve been poking at every button, no luck.
Yeah, weve been stuck here all day thanks to your kindness, nowhere to go, no keys, Peter added, his words thick with alcohol.
Nell fled the kitchen, dialed the police, and reported strangers refusing to leave her flat.
Claudia Steadman, fetch your drunken kin before the police take them, Nell demanded. If you saw what theyve turned my kitchen into, youll owe me money for cleaning it all day.
Oh, the cheek! You called the police? the motherinlaw gasped.
Not yet, I was told to call the local officer first. If you dont collect your shameless relatives within half an hour, theyll be booked for a night in a cell.
When the flat was finally cleared, Nell exhaled with relief. She tried not to replay the harsh words flung at her by her husbands mother.
Ungrateful, selfish! We took her into the family and she behaves like the last selfish soul! Claudia shouted.
Alone, Nell thought it over. She decided she would not let the matter slide; she would revenge the motherinlaw properly, and make her remember for a long time.
She called her own mother.
Mum, hello! Hows Dad? All good? Could you give me the number of our countryside relatives from Thornbury?
Why do you need them? Theyre probably still yapping about their garden gnomes. What would you say to them? her mother asked, puzzled.
Its perfect they love their gin, just wonderful! I want to invite them over, Nell declared.
Her mother tried to dissuade her.
Darling, maybe dont go that far?
No, Mum. It has to be done.
A few days later, a knock sounded on Claudias door. When she opened it, she found Nell surrounded by a ragged bunch of people who smelled of cheap lager and looked like theyd marched out of a forest glade.
Good day, they greeted politely, a lingering whiff of spirits hanging about them.
Nell pushed the bewildered motherinlaw aside and ushered her own kin into the flat.
Come in, dont be shy. These are my relatives, straight from the village. A bit rough, but hardworking, right?
Yes, we love a good bit of graft, they agreed in chorus.
Theyll stay a few days.
What? Who did you bring? Claudia sneered.
Im off on a work trip, Matthews in hospital. As you put it, greeting guestsespecially relativesis your precise duty. So on we go!
Nell stepped out, leaving her family in Claudias care. For fifteen minutes she called repeatedly, then let the line fall silent.
All sorted. Or perhaps theyve been fed enough gin. Judging by the wellstocked bundles, they brought plenty of fuel, Nell muttered with satisfaction.
She explained the situation to her own relatives, asking them to play along.
If things get messy, dont wait for the policejust clear out yourselves, she warned.
No worries, weve never been beaten down. No ones resisted our brand, they laughed.
The next day Matthew called from the ward, saying his mother was furious with Nell and would no longer speak to her, demanding that she not return to their flat.
Brilliant! Nell replied, a grin spreading. Thats exactly what I wanted. Let that be a lesson for the future.
Ill make her respect me, she thought, smiling.
And so her own kin lingered at the motherinlaws house for a whole day, while the surreal dream of an overcrowded flat finally settled into an uneasy peace.
