Paula and her husband Andrew have been together for twentysix years. They met at university, married after graduation, and two years later their son James was born. It was a typical British family.
James grew up, got married and moved to London with his wife. When he left, Paulas life with Andrew changes almost overnight. Suddenly theres nothing to chat about, and they dont even feel the need to. They know each other inside out, finish each others sentences with a glance, and then sit in silence.
When Paula first started working after university, there was a woman in her department who looked about fortyfive. To Paula she seemed old, even though she was only in her midforties. She always took winter holidays and returned with a flawless tan. Her short, boyish cut of ashblond hair highlighted the warm tone of her skin.
Must be using a solarium, whispered the new junior colleague.
One day Paula could no longer hold back and asked the woman how she managed to get such a glow in the middle of winter.
We went to a ski resort in the Alps with our husbands, the woman replied.
Really? At your age? Paula gasped.
The woman laughed loudly.
At my age? Im only fortyfive. When you reach my years you realise that this is genuine youth not foolishness, but a mature sort of spring. Remember, darling, boredom is the biggest enemy of a marriage. All affairs and divorces start from boredom. When the kids grow up you get a quiet, steady life, and thats when men start to feel trapped. Women dont have time to be bored. We work, we look after the children, and the endless housework lands on our shoulders. Meanwhile the man lies on the sofa, rests after work and wonders what to do with his unused energy. Some drink, some chase new thrills. As the saying goes, they start looking for another woman.
I was naive. I thought my husband was just tired, that it was fine for him to sit in front of the telly, not drink, and be content. I was buzzing around the house like a livewire. Then one day he told me hed fallen in love with someone else, that he was bored with me, that everything was over, and he left. Can you imagine?
When I married again I behaved differently. I forced my husband to pitch in with the chores, we always took weekend trips out of town, went to the countryside, and in winter we hit the slopes. I never gave him a minute to relax on the sofa. Were still together, the children are grown, and we travel around the country. It works for us. It may not suit everyone, but take a lesson from it.
Paula remembers those words well. She notices Andrew, after a hearty dinner, heading straight for the couch and the TV. It becomes harder and harder to coax him out of the house. He used to go hiking, canoeing down fast rivers with rapids. He used to surprise her with elaborate birthday plans!
Paula tries to stir him up. She pulls out theatre tickets, a cruise on a threedeck riverboat around the Cotswolds.
At the theatre Andrew dozes off, at a friends house he yawns after a couple of glasses of wine, and on the boat he complains about the cramped cabin. Talking about skiing is pointless now his growing belly makes him resist any vigorous sport.
When Paula suggests a cinema trip, Andrew looks at her with weary eyes and says, Where are you dragging me? I just want a quiet weekend, a proper sleep. Go with your friends.
In the early years of their marriage Andrew used to go on weekend hikes with his mates. They formed a small crew of outdoor enthusiasts, loved whitewater rafting and kayaking, and Andrew played guitar and sang fairly well.
Paula never joined them work never gave her leave, she was pregnant, then she stayed home with James.
Dont let him off the leash, warned Paulas mother. Hell find a hobbyist girlfriend out there.
For an affair you dont need a hike. You can find someone right here. I trust Andrew, Paula replied.
She really trusted him and hoped the outings would keep him close.
Eventually the hiking crew settled down, got families, and their adventures faded.
One lazy Saturday Paula climbs onto the sofa beside Andrew with an old photo album. At first shes reluctant, then she gets drawn in, flipping through pictures as Andrew watches.
Wouldnt you like to relive a bit of the old days? she asks.
No, who would I be with? Everyones busy, the grandkids, he mutters.
Just with me. Ive never been on your trips. Show some initiative, call up your old mates, maybe someone will say yes.
Are you kidding? We were reckless youngsters, now were?
Too clever? Paula smiles sarcastically. Then lets go to the theatre this weekend, have a cultured night, she says, slamming the album shut and sending a puff of dust into the air.
Andrew thinks it over. Later at dinner he says, I talked to Tom over a pint. Hell plot a route, he still has his old tents. We can rent a raft from the sports centre, Paula notes the spark in his eyes, which makes her happy.
He finally shows interest in a new activity, only talking about the upcoming trek.
You know, Paula, youre a beginner. Itll be tough at first. Therell be rivers, rapids, mosquitos. Well sleep on the ground in sleeping bags, no showers, no proper loo, well have to duck behind bushes. Youll probably want to turn back on day one, Andrew warns.
I wont quit, Paula promises.
Fine then, Andrew says, eyeing her with a skeptical glance. Youll need proper gear not stilettos, but sturdy boots and warm clothes.
They go shopping together; he never lets her out of sight.
I know youll buy swimsuits and dresses, but for a trek you need a warm jacket and sensible shoes.
Paula follows his lead, obediently, and the planning consumes her too. Soon the backpacks are packed.
Put it on, lets see how you handle it, Andrew orders.
Grimacing, Paula hoists the heavy pack, nearly collapsing under the weight. She realises shell have to trek over uneven ground, through gullies and brambles.
Take it off, Andrew says. Lets see what youve got inside.
She sighs in relief as she empties the load.
Andrew pulls out hair curlers, a makeup bag, a hair dryer, dozens of creams, shampoos, and a pile of clothing suitable for a summer garden party, not a mountain trek.
Youll be swarmed by mosquitos, he jokes. Maybe you should stay home? he says with a hint of pity.
Paula looks bewildered. After a deep breath, Andrew discards everything unnecessary, leaving only the essentials. The pack becomes much lighter.
I can manage, Paula declares, feeling a surge of confidence.
She remembers how she once pushed Andrew into the theatre, tried to share her love of art, and he eventually gave in. Now she sees herself as his battleready partner, ready for both hardship and joy.
As the departure day draws nearer, doubts creep in. At the railway platform they wait for the train that will take them far from the comforts of civilisation. Besides the two of them sit three other men and a woman.
Are your other friends divorced? Paula asks quietly.
No, their wives are at home with the grandchildren, Andrew replies.
The train ride is lively; the men swap funny stories, Andrew pulls out his guitar from the overhead shelf and strums a few chords. Paula decides that if things continue like this shell manage fine and have a great time.
When they finally step off the carriage and walk a few miles from the station, Paulas back aches from the pack, her legs tremble, sweat drips down her face. She feels ashamed to complain, because the men are lugging sleeping bags, tents and a deflated inflatable boat.
The countryside is beautiful, but Paula sees nothing but the path ahead, trying not to stumble, not to fall, not to break a bone. When they reach the river, she just wants to lie on the grass and never move again. The men quickly light a fire and pitch their tents as if they werent exhausted.
Soon youll get used to it, encourages Tanya, a woman whose husband is among the group. Lets fetch water, we need to cook dinner.
Tears swell she longs for a warm shower and a soft bed.
Then the music starts. Andrew plays the guitar by the fire, his voice rich and lively. She forgets how handsome his face is, how spirited he sounds. In that moment he feels like the young Andrew she fell for in university.
Thinking of running off? he asks the next morning, noticing the blisters on her hands from the river raft.
No, Paula answers firmly.
At the rapids she freezes. The river roars, sharp stones jut out of the water. She wants to suggest walking along the bank, but seeing Andrews teasing grin she bites her tongue and clings to the rafts edge, ignoring the oars, terrified of plunging into the cold.
When the rapids pass, she exhales a huge sigh and shouts with joy louder than anyone else.
They return home after a week, exhausted but thrilled and full of stories. Paula realises she will miss the new friends, the songs around the fire, the open air and the silence.
After a shower and a hearty homecooked dinner they sit sidebyside at the laptop, scrolling through photos, teasing each other, laughing like they havent done in ages. The trek has brought them closer; they now share a common interest again. They fall asleep wrapped in each others arms, just as in their early days.
Shall we plan another trek next year? Paula asks, pressing close to Andrews warm side.
You liked it, did you? he chuckles. Its not a night at the West End. Its real life.
Ill be better prepared next time. You wont be embarrassed for me, she promises.
Never was I embarrassed. You were brilliant for a rookie. You surprised me, he replies.
Paula blushes at the praise.
Their son calls, and she bursts with stories about the adventure.
Your life sounds wild, I thought youd be bored, lonely, he jokes.
Were not bored. How are you? Paula asks.
Were waiting for a baby girl, he announces happily.
Back at work after her holiday Paula arrives glowing, eyes bright, a woven bracelet of beads on her wrist.
Did you get some sunshine down south? You look radiant, a colleague says, pointing at the bracelet.
Its a talisman. A shaman gave it to me, Paula replies.
So, if you want to revive the spark in a longterm relationship, dont stay stuck at home; try sharing your partners interests. Extreme adventure might not be for everyone, but theres always something else to try. As one writer once said, Never regret the effort you put into saving love. And sometimes, the greatest adventures arent found in distant mountains or rushing rivers, but in the quiet courage of starting againtogether.
