I never loved my wife, and I told her so many times. It wasnt her faultwe lived quite comfortably. She never made a scene, never reproached me for anything; she was always kind and affectionate. But the problem remained: there was no love.
Every morning, I woke up wanting to leave. I dreamed of finding a woman I could truly love. But I never imagined how fate would take such an unexpected turn.
With Emily, I felt at ease. Not only did she keep the house spotless, but she was also stunning. My friends envied me, baffled at how Id been so lucky with my wife.
I couldnt even understand what Id done to deserve her love. Im an ordinary man, nothing special to set me apart from anyone else. And yet, she loved me How was that possible?
Her devotion haunted me. What tormented me most was the thought that if I left, someone else would take my placesomeone richer, more attractive, more successful.
The idea of her with another man drove me mad. She was mine, even though Id never loved her. That sense of possession overruled reason. But can you spend your whole life with someone you dont love? I thought I could, but I was wrong.
«Ill tell her everything tomorrow,» I decided as I went to bed.
The next morning over breakfast, I gathered my courage.
«Emily, sit down. We need to talk.»
«Of course, darling. Im listening.»
«Imagine if we divorced. I leave, and we live separately»
Emily laughed.
«What a strange thought! Is this a game?»
«Hear me out. This is serious.»
«Fine, Im imagining it. What then?»
«Answer honestlywould you find someone else if I left?»
«William, whats gotten into you? Why are you thinking of leaving?»
«Because I dont love you. I never have.»
«What? Are you joking? I dont understand.»
«I want to leave, but I cant. The thought of you with someone else eats at me.»
Emily paused, then answered calmly.
«I wont find anyone better than you, so dont worry. GoI wont be with anyone else.»
«You promise?»
«Of course,» she assured me.
«Wait but where would I even go?»
«You dont have anywhere?»
«No, weve been together our whole lives. Id probably have to stay close to you,» I said miserably.
«Dont worry,» Emily replied. «After the divorce, well swap the flat for two smaller ones.»
«Really? I didnt expect you to help me like this. Why would you?»
«Because I love you. When you love someone, you cant hold them against their will.»
Months passed, and we divorced. Soon after, I learned Emily hadnt kept her promise. She found another man, and the flats she inherited from her grandmother? She never intended to share them. I ended up with nothing.
How can I trust women now? I havent a clue. I sit alone in the rented room, staring at the ceiling, wondering if love was ever real or just a story I failed to understand. The truth is, I didnt lose her because she stopped loving meI lost her because I never saw her love for what it was until it was gone. And now, in the silence, I hear only my own regret.
