Immy, why on earth do we need a baby? my wife kept saying, Were fine as we are, love. Kids just bring chaos sleepless nights, endless nappies, and Ill end up looking like a cow after a calf. Do we really want that? Lets push the idea back another six years.
Wed been married for five years, and at first everything felt like a fairytale. Then Harry started nudging me towards motherhood. I tried to stall, but eventually I flatout told him I didnt want to hear about kids any more. Our relationship got rocky, we started snapping at each other. I even resorted to petty blackmail, and Immy kept going on about:
Harry, whats the point of a little bundle of drool and mucus? Sleepless nights, those gigantic onesies, a body that looks like its been through a birthing barn, and constant fatigue. Ive listed the worst of it already! I dont want to bury my youth for that. Lets wait a bit longer!
Before we were married, Immy dreamed of a big family and kept reassuring me:
Sure, love, well have loads of kids at least three! But not right away, okay? Lets settle in first, get a proper home, then think about babies.
Five years later she suddenly says shes not ready for kids. Ive always wanted an heir, so I tried to persuade her that the time was long overdue:
Immy, weve been together eight years, five of them married. Dont you think its time to think about starting a family? Weve got a flat in Camden, a decent car, a solid savings pot in pounds for maternity leave and everything the baby will need. What are we waiting for?
She snapped, How do you know its the right moment? I still have my own plans I want to travel, hit the gym, see the world. A baby just doesnt fit in. Arent we fine as a couple? Weve got everything! Why do we need a third person?
I asked, What do you mean third person? Are you talking about a baby like its a stranger? She cried, Its easy for you to say! You dont have nine months of morning sickness, you dont have to fight the extra weight. Ive been at the gym for five years! And now you expect me to give that up? I wont lose my shape or my lifestyle. Having a baby would mean Id miss out on friends, shopping, my normal life for at least five years. Why would I want that?
I tried to soothe her, Everyone goes through it, love. The baby will grow, and youll get back to your hobbies. Ill help with everything. She replied, Lets revisit this in five or six years, okay? Im not ready now. I dont want to argue, just understand my point of view. Its my body, and I get to decide what to do with it. Im not going to ruin myself.
At first I tried all the usual tricks cute movies about happy families, long walks past playgrounds, even taking her to see my cousins newborn fourth child. She never showed any excitement; she actually seemed uncomfortable around the baby. It was like the maternal instinct just wasnt there.
After exhausting every avenue, I put the issue on the line:
If you dont want kids, Immy, were simply not meant for each other. Lets call it quits. Youll find someone who shares your outlook, and I wont be left alone.
She panicked. She worked from home, and I helped her with the business. A split would mean shed have to find a new job and a new flat.
Wait, Harry! What are you saying? Divorce? Over this? she begged. I cant lose everything weve built.
Its not nonsense, I said. I grew up in a full family brothers, sisters. I believe a childless marriage is a wasted life. Were losing time. You kept saying you wanted kids before we married, and now youre backing out because youre scared of gaining a few pounds. Its ridiculous.
She retorted, But why cant we just enjoy ourselves? A baby costs a fortune. Id have to give up my travel, my shopping sprees, my freedom. Id be stuck at home 24/7, sleepless and exhausted. Im just not prepared for that.
I shouted, Ill hire a nanny, a housekeeper, our parents can pitch in! The only problem is your attitude youve got no tenderness for a child. Tell me what you really want, what you see for our future.
She couldnt admit that she never wanted children. She wanted to live for herself, splash out on holidays and designer things, and she needed a husband to foot the bill. Even though she still cared for me, finances were a huge factor.
My aunt stepped in, Immy, youre behaving disgracefully! Youve forgotten youre married. Youre out hopping between pubs while Harry works! Stop embarrassing the family!
I tried to defend myself, Auntie, what am I doing? Harry knows where I go. Its not every day Im out. Come weekends Im home, locked in. Give us advice instead of scolding. We argue about kids all the time. He wants them, I dont. Can you talk to him? He respects you.
She snapped back, I wont talk to him! Hes right you should have a baby by now. Then youll finally be sensible.
Immy stuck to her principles. In the end, she said, Its my body, I decide. To keep me off my back, she pretended to agree, shouting, Fine, Harry, Ill have a baby but a nanny will raise it, and Ill keep doing my thing! I believed her. She kept taking birthcontrol pills in secret and, to keep me clueless, took us to a friendly doctor who kept telling us to relax, Just forget about the baby for a while. Ive seen couples who waited for years and it worked out naturally.
Six months later the surprise I dreaded finally hit: the pregnancy test showed two lines. Immy froze what now? Give birth? Ruin the life shed built?
Harry popped into the bathroom unexpectedly. Immy tried to hide the test, but it was too late.
Whats that? he asked, stepping closer. She stayed silent, head down. He snatched the test from her hands.
Immy! Youre pregnant? Oh my God, Im going to be a dad! He lifted her into his arms, spun her around the bathroom, shouting, Thank you, love! This is the happiest day of my life!
She forced a smile, wondering how to deal with this new reality.
We celebrated at a nice restaurant in Shoreditch. A fresh ring glinted on her finger, and Harry, in a crisp suit, kept beaming, repeating, Well be the best parents ever! Ill make sure you never lack anything! Thanks, love!
That night Immy tossed and turned. Harrys happy face kept flashing in her mind, and dark thoughts crept in: Maybe a child will actually improve our life? Maybe Im just scared of change. I could lose weight, stay fit women manage it. And its my partners child, after all. For the first time in years, her heart fluttered with a strange new feeling. Perhaps shed made the right choice after all?
Nine months flew by. Harry doted on her, fulfilled her every whim, chose the hospital, and we attended parenttobe classes together. Immy tried to stay supportive, but the fear of labour and motherhood never left her.
When the due date arrived, Immy gave birth to a healthy little boy. When the midwife placed him on her chest, she saw his tiny, wrinkled face uncannily like Harrys, letting out a funny little wail. All her worries melted away.
My, she whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks.
We named him Sam. From day one, Immy threw herself into motherhood feeding him, singing lullabies, strolling in Hyde Park. She even got jealous when Harry held Sam. She stopped caring about gym routines, stopped scrolling through travel blogs, stopped needing validation from old friends who never had kids. Harry watched in quiet amazement as she changed, not just her body, but her soulsofter, fuller, alive in a way hed never seen. One evening, as she rocked Sam to sleep, humming a tune he didnt know, she looked up and smiled. I didnt know I could love anyone this much, she said. And in that moment, he knew they were no longer just a couple. They were a family.
