I never loved my wife, and I told her so many times. It wasnt her faultwe got along just fine. She never made a fuss, never nagged me; she was always kind and affectionate. But the problem remained: there was no love.
Every morning, Id wake up wanting to leave. I dreamed of finding a woman I could truly love. But I never imagined fate would take such an unexpected turn.
With Emily, things were comfortable. Not only did she keep the house spotless, but she was stunning too. My mates envied me, baffled at how Id landed such a catch.
Honestly, I didnt get it either. Im just an ordinary bloke, nothing special to set me apart. And yet, she loved me How?
Her love and devotion haunted me. What tortured me most was the thought that if I left, someone else would take my placesomeone richer, better-looking, more successful.
The idea of her with another man drove me mad. She was mine, even though Id never loved her. That possessive feeling was stronger than reason. But can you spend your whole life with someone you dont love? I thought I could. I was wrong.
*»Tomorrow, Ill tell her everything,»* I decided before bed. Over breakfast, I finally mustered the courage.
*»Emily, sit down. We need to talk.»*
*»Of course, love. Im listening.»*
*»Imagine we get divorced. I leave, and we live apart»*
Emily laughed. *»What ridiculous idea is this? Is this a game?»*
*»Hear me out. Im serious.»*
*»Fine, Im imagining it. Now what?»*
*»Answer honestlywould you find someone else if I left?»*
*»Oliver, whats got into you? Why are you thinking of leaving?»*
*»Because I dont love you. I never have.»*
*»What? Are you joking? I dont understand.»*
*»I want to go, but I cant. The thought of you with someone else it eats at me.»*
Emily paused, then replied calmly, *»I wont find anyone better than you, so dont worry. GoI wont be with anyone else.»*
*»Promise?»*
*»Of course,»* she assured me.
*»Wait but where would I even go?»*
*»Youve nowhere in mind?»*
*»No, weve been together our whole lives. Id probably have to stay near you,»* I muttered gloomily.
*»Dont fret,»* Emily said. *»After the divorce, well swap the flat for two smaller ones.»*
*»Really? I didnt expect you to help me like this. Why?»*
*»Because I love you. When you love someone, you dont hold them against their will.»*
A few months passed, and we divorced. Soon after, I learned Emily hadnt kept her word. She found another man, and the flats she inherited from her gran? Never meant to share them. I was left with nothing.
How can I trust women now? Ive no clue. I sold what little I had left and moved to a tiny flat across town, where the walls smelled of damp and the radiator hissed like a warning. Every evening, I walked past her old flatnow theirswatching light spill through the curtains, hearing laughter that didnt belong to me. I told myself I was free, but freedom felt a lot like standing in the rain, waiting for a bus that never came. And sometimes, in the silence, I wondered if love wasnt about feeling it from the startbut about staying, even when you dont.
