Paula and her husband Andrew had been together for twentysix years. Theyd met at university, married right after graduating, and two years later their son James was born. Nothing out of the ordinary a typical British family.
When James grew up, got married and moved to London with his wife, Paula and Andrews world suddenly felt a lot quieter. After all the years of knowing each other insideout, they now found there was hardly anything to talk about, and frankly, they didnt miss the chatter. A few halfsentences and a sideways glance was enough to get through a day.
When Paula first started working after university, there was a woman in her department who was about fortyfive. To Paula she seemed ancient, even though she was still relatively young. The woman liked to take her holidays in winter and always returned with a perfectly even tan. Her short, boyish blonde haircut only highlighted the weatherbeaten lines on her face.
Must be a solarium fanatic, whispered a freshface colleague, Lucy.
One day Paula could no longer contain her curiosity and asked the older woman how she managed such a bronzed look in the dead of winter.
We spent the holidays at a ski resort with our husbands, the woman replied.
What? At your age? Paula gasped.
The woman burst out laughing.
Your age? Im only fortyfive. When you reach my years youll realise this is genuine youth not foolishness, but a mature kind of liveliness. Remember, dear, boredom is the biggest enemy of a marriage. All the affairs and divorces start there. Once the kids are grown, life settles into a calm routine, and thats when men start losing their minds. We women have no time to be bored. We work, look after the children, and somehow manage the endless house chores while the man plops on the sofa, rests after work and wonders how to use his spare energy. Some drink, some look for new thrills, as the saying goes they go hunting for a new lady.
I was naïve, thinking my husband was just tired after a long day, that a bit of TV wasnt a crime, and I kept buzzing around the house like a windup toy. Then one day he told me hed fallen for another woman, that I was boring him, and he left. Can you imagine?
When I married again, I changed my approach completely. I made him pitch in at home, we always escaped to the countryside on weekends, went skiing in the winter, and never let him have a moment to lounge. We still live together, the kids are grown, and we tour the UK whenever we can. It isnt for everyone, but theres a lesson in it.
Paula never forgot the older womans advice. She began to notice that after a hearty dinner Andrew would shuffle off to the sofa and stare at the telly, and it got harder to coax him out. Once he used to join hiking trips, raft down rivers, and pull off surprise birthday stunts.
Paula tried to rouse Andrew, buying theatre tickets, even a threedeck river cruise on the Thames for a Golden Circle tour.
At the theatre Andrew dozed off; at a friends house he yawned after a couple of glasses of wine and hurried back to his beloved sofa. On the boat he complained about the cramped cabin. And skiing? He refused outright; his growing belly made him dread any active sport.
When Paula suggested a night at the cinema, he looked at her with mournful eyes and said, Where are you trying to drag me? I just want a quiet weekend, a proper nights sleep. Go with the girls.
In the early days of their marriage Andrew used to go camping with his mates. Theyd formed a tightknit crew, loved rafting down fast rivers with rapids, and Andrew could play the guitar and sing a decent tune.
Paula never joined them work, pregnancy, and then a toddler always got in the way.
Dont give him that freedom, warned Paulas mother. Hell find a hobby buddy and youll be left out.
People dont need a trek to cheat, Paula replied. I trust Andrew, Ill wait for him to bring his stories home.
She really did trust him and waited for his camping tales. Eventually the group leader settled down, got a family, and the outings stopped.
One lazy Sunday Paula plopped onto the sofa with a photo album. At first she was reluctant, but soon she was leafing through pictures and smiling.
Dont you ever feel like reliving the old days, remembering our youth? she asked.
No, and with whom? Everyones got their own business, grandkids and all.
With me. Ive never been on your trips. Show some initiative, call your old mates, maybe someone will say yes.
Youre joking, right? Back then we were reckless youths, now
Now were just too clever? Paula replied with a sardonic grin. Then lets hit the theatre this weekend, have a cultured night, she said, slamming the album shut and sending a puff of dust into the air.
Andrew thought about it. Later, over dinner, he said, I chatted with Tom the other day. He promised a route, still has his old tent. We could rent a raft from the sports centre. Paula noticed his eyes light up, and that made her happy.
Finally he showed a spark for an adventure, talking only about the upcoming trek.
Youll have to think, Paula. Youre a newbie; it wont be easy. Therell be river rapids, mosquitoes, sleeping on the ground in sleeping bags, no showers, no proper toilets, and youll have to crawl under bushes. Youll probably want to go home on day one, Andrew warned.
I wont quit, Paula promised.
Fine then, Andrew said, eyeing her manicured nails, plush house slippers, and a cosy robe adorned with colourful birds. Youll need proper gear, not highheeled shoes.
They went shopping together, and he wouldnt let her leave his side.
I know youll buy swimsuits and dresses, but for a trek you need warm clothes and sturdy boots.
Paula obeyed, and soon their backpacks were packed.
Put it on, lets see how youre prepared, Andrew instructed.
Lugging the heavy pack, Paula groaned and bent under its weight, realizing shed have to trek over uneven ground, gullies and brambles.
Take it off, lets see what youve got inside, he said. She relieved herself of the load.
Andrew pulled out hair curlers, a makeup case, a hair dryer, several jars of cream, shampoos and a stack of summer dresses all perfect for the garden, none for the hills.
Youll be swarmed by mosquitoes, he concluded. Maybe youd rather stay home? he said with a hint of pity.
Paula stared, bewildered.
After a sigh, Andrew stripped the bag of everything unnecessary, leaving only the essentials. The pack became much lighter.
I can manage, Paula declared, feeling a surge of confidence.
She remembered how shed tried to drag Andrew into theatre nights and art galleries, pushing her own interests onto him. Hed initially gone along. Now, as a supportive partner, she felt she should stand by him through both rough patches and sunny stretches.
The nearer they got to departure, the more doubts gnawed at Paula. Standing on the platform, waiting for the train that would whisk them away from civilised comforts, they were joined by three other men and one woman.
Are the rest of your friends divorced? Paula asked quietly.
No, their wives are with the grandkids.
The train ride was lively; the men swapped funny anecdotes, Andrew strummed a few chords on the guitar hed rescued from the loft. Paula decided that if it went on like this, shed survive and even enjoy herself.
But once theyd left the station and walked a few miles, Paulas back ached from the pack, her legs trembled, and sweat poured down her face. She felt ashamed to complain while the men carried sleeping bags, tents and a deflated canoe.
The countryside was beautiful, but Paulas focus was on not tripping, not falling, not breaking a leg. When they finally reached the river, she just wanted to lie on the grass and never move again. The men quickly built a fire and pitched their tents as if they hadnt been trekking all day.
Give it time, encouraged Tanya, the wife of one of the men. Lets fetch water, we need to cook dinner.
She wanted to be home, under a warm shower and a soft bed.
Then the music began. Andrew played the guitar by the fire, his voice richer than shed heard in years. He seemed a different man lively, animated, the very Andrew shed fallen for once upon a time.
The next day he asked, eyetwinkling at the callouses on her hands, Thinking of making a run for it?
No, Paula answered firmly.
At the rapids she hesitated. The water roared, sharp stones jutted out. She wanted to suggest staying on the bank, but seeing Andrews mischievous grin, she kept quiet, clinging to the rafts side, suppressing the urge to paddle, fearing a plunge into the icy flow.
When the rapids finally passed, Paula exhaled a huge sigh and shouted with joy louder than anyone else.
A week later they trudged back home, exhausted but thrilled, their heads full of new memories. Paula realised she would miss the fresh air, the crackle of the fire, the spontaneous songs, the sense of space.
After a warm shower and a hearty dinner, they sat sidebyside at the kitchen table, scrolling through photos on the laptop, teasing each other about the mishaps. It had been ages since theyd just chatted like that. The trek had brought them back together; they now shared a hobby again. They fell asleep in each others arms, just as they had in their younger days.
Will we go on another trek next year? Paula whispered, snuggling close to Andrews familiar side.
You liked it, didnt you? he chuckled. Its not a West End show or a fancy restaurant. Its life.
Ill be better prepared next time, you wont be embarrassed by me, she promised.
You werent embarrassed at all. For a rookie you did brilliantly. I didnt expect it, you surprised me.
Paula blushed at his praise.
When their son called, she gushed about the adventure.
Sounds like a whirlwind, I thought youd be bored and missing each other, he said.
Were missing you, Paula replied. How are things on your end?
Were waiting for a baby a son or a daughter, he announced.
After her holiday, Paula returned to work beaming, eyes alight, a beaded friendship bracelet on her wrist.
Did you go south? You dont look tanned, a colleague remarked, pointing at the bracelet. Nice piece.
Its a talisman. A shaman gave it to me.
So, if you want to revive the spark in a longterm relationship, dont just sit around the sofa. Find something you can share, even if its a bit extreme. It wont suit everyone, but theres always an activity to try. As some writer once said, Never regret the effort you make to save love. Because love isnt found in grand gestures or perfect moments, but in the muddy, breathless, laughter-filled climbs back to each other. And sometimes, it takes a rickety raft, a sore back, and a mosquito bite to remind you how alive you can feeltogether.
