July 12th, 2023
I never loved my wife, and I told her so many times. It wasnt her faultwe got on well enough. She never made a scene, never threw past mistakes in my face. Always kind, always caring. Yet the problem remained: there was no love.
Every morning, I woke up wanting to leave. I dreamed of finding a woman I could truly love. But I couldnt begin to imagine how fate would turn everything upside down.
With Sophie, I was comfortable. Not only did she keep the house impeccably, but she was stunning. My mates envied me, baffled at how Id landed such a catch.
Even I didnt understand why she loved me. Im just an ordinary bloke, nothing special. Yet there she was, devoted to me. How?
Her love gnawed at me. Worse was the thought that if I left, someone else would take my placesomeone richer, handsomer, more successful. Imagining her with another man drove me mad. She was *mine*, even if I didnt love her. That sense of possession overruled reason. But could I spend a lifetime with someone I didnt love? I thought I could. I was wrong.
*Ill tell her tomorrow,* I decided before bed. Over breakfast, I steeled myself.
«Sophie, sit down. We need to talk.»
«Of course, love. What is it?»
«Imagine were getting divorced. I move out, we live separately»
She laughed. «What sort of game is this?»
«Listen. This is serious.»
«Fine. Ill play along. What then?»
«Answer honestlywould you find someone else if I left?»
«Matthew, whats got into you? Why are you even thinking of leaving?»
«Because I dont love you. I never have.»
«What? Is this a joke? I dont understand.»
«I want to go, but I cant. The thought of you with someone else eats at me.»
Sophie paused, then replied calmly, «I wont find anyone better, so dont fret. Go. I wont be with anyone else.»
«Promise?»
«Of course,» she said.
«Waitbut where would I go?»
«Youve nowhere?»
«No. Weve always been together. I suppose Id have to stay close,» I admitted glumly.
«Dont worry,» Sophie said. «After the divorce, well trade the flat for two smaller ones.»
«Really? I never expected youd help me like this. Why?»
«Because I love you. When you love someone, you dont keep them against their will.»
Months passed, and we divorced. Soon, I learned Sophie hadnt kept her word. Shed found another manand the flat she inherited from her grandmother? Never meant to share it. I was left with nothing.
Now, how am I meant to trust women? Ive no idea.
What a fool I was. Wanting freedom but clinging to control. Lesson learned: you cant have both.
