«Shell regret this!»
Thats what Edward thought when his wife, Eleanor, announced out of the blue that she was filing for divorce. Just yesterday, everything had been fineshed been washing his socks, ironing his shirtsand now, suddenly, divorce papers! And for no reason at all! Edward worked hard, never raised a hand to her, rarely went out, and drank in moderation.
«What more did the stupid woman want?!» he fumed. «Found herself some other bloke, has she? Well, shell be sorry! Shell come crawling back in tears! Ill show her! Shell understandbut itll be too late!»
While he stewed in his anger, Eleanor was saying the same things shed been saying for the past two years:
«Im exhausted, carrying everything on my back! I work, I wash, I clean, I cook, I look after our son. Im tired! Ive done the sumsyou cost more than you bring in! When you disappeared for three days last month, I realised life was easier without you! The house is cleaner, quieter. I dont have to cook for youOliver and I dont need fried meat every night! Without you, even the stove stays spotlessI make a stew that lasts two days, and no one wolfs it all down in one go! I just want things to be easier. Im worn out. Ive turned into some hag dragging shopping bags around. I dont even like myself when youre here. You make me feel ashamed, broke, and miserable!»
«When was the last time you read to Oliver? Never? When did you take him out? Bathe him? What does he hear from you besides Go away, Im tired? Do you even know which school Ive enrolled him in? His teachers name? When he started school prep? You dont care about him at all! You live under the same roof but never talk to him! He sees either a drunk father sprawled on the sofa with a beer or a sleeping one doing the same. What kind of example is that? Why does he need a father like you? Do you remember his birthday? No? Then whats the point of you? I wont live like this anymore!»
«Doesnt she get bored of saying the same thing?» Edward had wondered just yesterday. This hysterical rant was her nightly routine while he shoveled down whatever shed cooked straight from the pan. «Typical womans nagging,» hed always thought. «Shes just making a scene out of boredom.»
Everything had been fine! And now thisdivorce, just like that!
«Shell regret it! Thinks some other bloke will want her? A worn-out thirty-year-old? Shell beg me back in two days! And then Ill decide if I even want her!»
«Ive packed your things,» she said coldly. «I cant stand the sight of you anymore. Get out.»
«Fine!» Edward mumbled through a mouthful of sausage. «Ill go! But whether Ill come backthats another question!»
He gave her one last chance to change her mindlingering over his shoes, rustling his bags, hovering by the door. But she didnt relent. «Stubborn cow,» he thought bitterly, regretting not grabbing a few more sausages before leaving his wifes flat.
He had to move back in with his mother. She started in with the same tiresome questionswhat happened, why did she throw you out, what did you do, it cant be for no reason
«Oh, but it can! She threw me out for nothing!» Edward insisted. «I did everything for that family! Worked my fingers to the bone! Brought money home! And it was never enough! Always whinging for boots, for coats! Wants a rich man, does she? Probably already found one! Thats why she kicked me out! Bored, was she? Didnt get enough attention!»
His mother wrung her hands and called Eleanor, but the conversation clearly went nowhereno one came begging for Edwards return.
«Fine! Shell regret it! Wheres she going to find another man like me? Whod want her with a kid?» Edward reasoned, picking out discount beer at the shop.
At the first court hearing, Eleanor looked well put-togethernew hair, maybe, or makeup. She smiled nervously, telling the judge there hadnt been a real marriage for years. She did everything alone, no help, no support. Never lifted a finger for their son. «Typical womans lies,» Edward muttered, trying to steady his trembling hands. He needed a drink badly but held off before court.
The judgea woman, of coursesmirked and asked, «Do you drink excessively?»
«I barely touch the stuff!» Edward snapped. «A couple of beers after work, thats it! Right now, Im justits the stress! My wife left me!»
«Right,» she said dryly, granting them three months to reconcile. Edward glared at his almost-ex-wife. Still not sorry?
«God, are you ever sober?» she grimaced, catching his stare. Clearly not.
«Fine, Ill wait,» he decided. «Lets see how shes singing in three months! Without a man? Shell be on her knees!» He loved imagining Eleanor pleading for him backonly for him to refuse. Or maybe return, but on his terms.
But for three whole months, Eleanor made no effort to reconciledefying the court! No calls, no messages. As if he didnt exist.
«Shes definitely found someone else!» Though cautious checks with mutual friends and her social media turned up nothing. No new man in sight.
So, by the next hearing, Edward braced for triumphshed surely realised how awful life was without him.
«Shell be in tears!» he daydreamed. Even told his mother, «Shell withdraw the petition, mark my words. Shes seen her mistake now!»
But at court, Eleanor wasnt smiling. Just serious, clipped. Still wanted the divorce. «Waiting for me to beg,» Edward guessed. «Not happening.»
And just like that, they were divorced. Edward didnt objectthough there was one awkward moment. The judge asked about custody, any requests. Eleanor spoke up:
«Oliver stays with me. His fathers never shown interest. Ask him when his sons birthday is.»
«Edward William, when is your sons birthday?» the judge asked, smirking.
Edward fumbled for his paperssurely it was written somewhere.
«No peeking!» the judge scoffed. Bloody woman. A male judge wouldnt have humiliated him like this.
«Third of June!» Edward blurted.
«Today! Its Olivers birthday today!» Eleanor scoffed. «You dont even remember! Its the sixth of June! Hes seven!»
«Did you even wish him happy birthday on the third?» the judge smirked.
Why did women get these jobs? Damned matriarchy. Edward stayed silent.
«Any objections to custody arrangements?»
«No!» Edward spat.
Naturally, the court left Oliver with Eleanor. «And now theyll slap me with child support,» Edward thought bitterlybut then perked up. Any second now, Eleanor would break down. Her life was over! A divorced single mumno one would want her!
But then he saw her on the courthouse steps, chatting with a friend:
«Tessa! What are you doing here?»
«Just some paperwork. You?»
«Just got divorced! Free woman now,» she laughed.
Laughed! Edward couldnt believe it. Her life had just crumbled, and she was laughing! «Women have no brains! No sane person laughs on a day like this! Her lifes in ruins, and shes nattering away! She needs a psych eval!»
He stormed over.
«cant celebrate today, its Olivers birthday,» Eleanor was saying, but Edward cut in:
«I thought youd be crying, but you dont even care?!» he exploded. «Youll regret this! Ill sue you! The flat! Oliver! Youll see!»
«The flat was my grandmothers,» she said calmly. «And since when do you care about Oliver? Whats the matter?»
«Whats the matter?!» Edward ranted for ageshow shed ruined their family, stolen his son, thrown him out, probably had another man, would die alone with forty cats.
Long after Eleanor had left, he kept muttering, «Shell regret this. He stood on the sidewalk, fists clenched, the courthouse echo fading behind him. Traffic hummed, people passed, no one looking, no one caring. He bought a warm beer from a vending machine, drank it standing under a bus stop, watching pigeons peck at crumbs. That night, he called her numberjust to hear her voice on the recordingbut hung up before it finished. Weeks passed. Months. He saw her once, from afar, at the parkOliver on a swing, laughing, her hand on his back, sunlight in her hair. She looked lighter, smaller somehow, not worn down but unburdened. He turned away. The flat stayed empty. The calls never came. And slowly, without fanfare, he stopped believing shed regret it.
