«Mum, meet someone,» Tom said, ushering a girl forward. «This is Emily. My fiancée.»
Margaret nearly collapsed onto the chair behind herthankfully, it was right where it needed to be. Her boy, her Tommy, looked like a schoolboy next to his bride-to-be, who seemed a decade older.
«Hiya,» Emily said, hands in her jeans pockets, gum snapping between her teeth as she stood before Margaret like she owned the place.
«H-hello,» Margaret stammered, too stunned for proper words. «So when did this happen?»
«Mum, dont make a fuss!» Tom kicked off his shoes and gestured for Emily to do the same. «Were moving in at Emilys place, right, love?»
«Mm-hmm,» Emily nodded, chewing loudly.
«Tom, a word?» Margaret rose and headed to the kitchen.
«Say it in front of me,» Emily plopped onto the sofa, flicking through TV channels with the remote, one leg crossed over the other. «Me and Tommy dont keep secrets. Right, Dumbo?»
«Right, Mum,» Tom mumbled, blushing.
«Fine,» Margaret steadied herself. «Son, are you sure about this? Shes at least ten years older than you.»
«Eight!» Emily corrected. «And it doesnt matter. Got a problem with that? Im independent, got my own place, a proper grown woman»
«Exactly! A woman! My boys barely twenty!» Margaret clutched her head.
«Well, someones got to make a man out of him, since no one managed by now,» Emily smirked.
Margaret gaped like a fish out of water, lost for words.
«Mum,» Tom finally spoke up, «we came for a reasonwe need money for the wedding.»
«And whys that my problem?» Margaret scoffed.
«How is it not?» Emily raised an eyebrow. «Traditionally, the grooms family pays for the wedding. Mine certainly thinks so.»
«Oh, brilliant!» Margaret threw her hands up. «Pass off old stock and demand cash on top? I should be paid for handing over my boy to some overripe bride. Not a penny!»
Emily stood, chuckling, and stepped right into Margarets space. «Suit yourself, love. Come on, Dumbo, well manage.»
She strode to the door, yanking it open. Tom hesitated, glancing back at his motherhoping for a last-minute change of heart. But Margaret turned away, though she couldnt resist:
«Why Dumbo?»
«Cause of his ears,» Emily called from the doorway, shoving Tom out.
«Bye, Mum,» was all he managed before the door slammed.
«Lord, what did I do to deserve this?» Margaret sobbed into a packet of custard creams at the kitchen table. Her sweet, gentle boy, trapped by that predator.
«His ears are perfectly normal,» she sniffed, yelling belatedly at the closed door.
Outside, Emily scratched her head. «Now what? We cant afford a proper dovenue, caterer, the lot. My folks wont cough up either.»
«Maybe have it at the cottage?» Tom suggested hopefully. «Then go straight on honeymoon?»
«Why didnt you say sooner?» Emily clapped his shoulder. «Go sweet-talk your mum for the keys. Ill wait herewouldnt want to traumatise the poor woman further.»
Margaret had just calmed down when the doorbell rang again.
«Now what?» she muttered, swinging it open.
Tom stood alone. She peered past him. «Did she ditch you?»
«Mum, dont! We love each other.»
«Then what dyou want?»
«Can we borrow the cottage for the wedding?»
«Over my dead body! Youll wreck the place!»
«Well clean up, promise! Just a small dofriendsll help. Dont you want me happy?»
Margaret choked on her tea. «I do, but not like this!»
«Emilys amazing, Mum.»
«Couldve fooled me.» With a sigh, she fetched the keys.
«Ta, Mum! Youre a star!» He kissed her cheek and bolted.
Emily spat out her gum. «Knew you had it in you,» she said, pulling him into a kiss.
Margaret was invitedmiraculously.
«How am I meant to smile through this?» she complained to her neighbour. «Id rather drown that girl in the punch bowl!»
«Eh, young folks these daysmarried today, divorced tomorrow. My girls on husband number three. Just pray they dont breed.»
«But whats the point, then?»
«Who knows?»
The wedding day was sunny. «Lucky with the weather!» guests cheeredall thirty of them. Emilys posh parents arrived, her mother terrified of insects, her father tipsily flirting with bridesmaids.
«What does she see in him?» Emilys mum whined.
«Likewise,» Margaret snapped, moving away before she ruined the day.
The garden was a nightmaregrills trampling her vegetable patch, guests relieving themselves behind apple trees.
«Loos over there!» Margaret bellowed.
«Cheers, Mum!» drunken groomsmen laughed.
By dawn, the place was a tip: bottles, food scraps, even a couple snoring in the greenhouse.
«Youll clean this, wont you?» Margaret begged as guests slunk away.
«Course!» Tom said, then emerged with suitcases.
«Wherere you off to? What about the mess?»
«Honeymoon, Mum! Tickets booked.»
Emily grabbed him. «Come on, Dumbo, before were stuck in this dump forever.»
Margaret gaped as they fled. Even Emilys parents vanished, reeking of booze.
Alone, she surveyed the wreckagethen spotted an envelope of cash forgotten among gifts.
«Scruffy lot, but generous,» she mused, dialling a cleaning service.
«Morning! Sparkling Homes? Need a full clear-up.» She counted out the notes, smiling.
«Safe travels, kids,» she chuckled, settling down with coffee and biscuits.
