James! Jess, I called across the road.
Jess let out a heavy sigh, set her grocery bags on the kerb and paused. She glanced at the car belonging to her former husband on the opposite side, drew her cheeks together and hung her head. I was fed up with all this. I sprinted toward her, barely stumbling, eager to help.
Hey, Jess, I said, grabbing the bags.
Hello, she replied.
I was just passing by, saw you struggling with those heavy sacks and thought Id lend a hand, I said with a foolish grin. Lets get you home.
What do you mean passing by? You live on Willow Lane, thats a suburb
I turned toward my car, two bags in my hands.
My mate gave me a lift from work and then I saw you I couldnt just drive past. Ill give you a ride.
Its only about 500metres, she said.
No problem, Ill take the heavy bags. Hows Charlie? Hows mum?
Great, youll find out this weekend. You call every day, dont you? Jess walked after me, more after her shopping than after me. Why do you keep asking about my son?
Just interested, were not strangers, I said, opening the passenger door for my exwife.
Ill sit in the back.
Dont, its a mess back there. She opened the rear door, peered inside sure enough, there was a jumble of stuff.
You still dont trust me she muttered.
I sighed and let her sit in the front seat. I shoved the bags into the boot, settled behind the wheel, and gave Jess a bright smile. She turned away, staring out the window at the familiar neighbourhood.
You look good, as always, I said.
James, just take me home. I still have to start dinner, she snapped.
Yes, yes! I revved the engine and we pulled away. Ive just started a new job, sorting paperwork for a flyinflyout shift, I blurted, while Jess kept her gaze fixed on the passing houses. Charlie said you moved out of your motherinlaws place?
Youve known her for three years now, Jess replied, unmoved.
Jess, stop playing games! Why do I always have to pick him up from her? Are you hiding your address? Let me drop you off.
No, I bought groceries for my mum, she said, tugging at her coat.
Just hand them over and Ill drive you home, Charlie said
We stopped in a courtyard.
What did Charlie say? I told him not to. Are you two still seeing each other?
Yes, she answered.
What the hell do you want from me? she snapped, barely holding back.
Jess, were not strangers we have a son, I tried to take her hand. She shoved it back into her pocket with disdain.
James, enough! How many coincidental visits can I endure? Stop calling my mother, stop begging her to talk to me it wont help! We moved out because I was fed up with you! Im on the brink of a breakdown, everyone keeps saying youre sorry, youre miserable without us, you dream of getting the family back together. And Charlie? Why keep him in the middle? Hes just starting to get used to seeing his dad on weekends, and you tell him well reconcile, you ask him to pass on greetings, you quiz me about my work hours, where I am.
I worry, I said.
So do I about our son! How many times can you keep pressuring him through Charlie?
Jess slammed the car door, tried to yank the boot open, but the lock jammed. She wrestled with the lid, frantic to be rid of me. From the flat above, I could feel my motherinlaws eyes through the blinds. I finally pried the boot open and hauled the bags to the doorstep, but Jess stopped me.
No, Ill do it myself.
Jess, you have to understand I still love you. Id give up my shift, go back to my old job, even buy you a car. Walk all the way home if it makes life easier for you and Charlie. Let me pick him up from karate.
No, she snapped, snatching the bags from my hands. I actually hope you go away, find a woman you love, live happily, and leave me in peace.
Jess, forgive me, it was a oneoff, it meant nothing. I still curse myself every day.
I forgave you long ago, but you wont let me go.
I cant, I shouted as she climbed the stairs. I cant live without you.
Ive forgiven you, but I cant love you again, she called back.
The door on the second floor slammed shut, and everything fell silent. I clenched my fists, walked back to the car, glancing at my motherinlaws windows. How could I have swapped my family for a fleeting fling? After the divorce, a year alone taught me theres no one like my Jess and our boy, Charlie.
Wed met at school; shed transferred into our year and outshone every girl. Id only ever had eyes for her. Summer holidays took us apart I stayed with my grandma, she met someone else, and when school resumed she barely gave me a second glance. We drifted, became friends, lost touch for five years while studying elsewhere, then remet in the same circle, older. Jess had a firstclass degree, a good job, returned to her hometown and worked where her mother did. I bounced between jobs, never finding my footing, until I finally landed a role at a factory, though my ambitions nagged.
Everything changed when Jess told me she was pregnant. I panicked, but we rushed to meet her parents, got married, welcomed Charlie, bought a house with a mortgage, and our parents helped pay it off early. Summers were spent at the seaside, birthdays, christenings, weekend trips, family anniversaries. I began to feel restless, craving recognition at work, but the career ladder felt endless. I switched jobs, got tangled with a former colleague who offered me a promotion for unsavory favors. When she left, I was left empty again.
Jess saw my frustration, suggested I take a break, perhaps a fishing trip up north, leaving Charlie with her. I resisted but eventually agreed to visit a friend in Yorkshire for a couple of days. The fishing never materialised; his wife sent us polite pictures, asking us not to bother them.
Jess packed her things, Charlie, and drove to her mothers house. When James asked where she was, she sent him crude photos from the trip. I raced over, only to find the door shut, my motherinlaws glare scorching me. I tried to give Jess space, but soon received a divorce summons. She fought it, but eventually the papers were signed.
A year later, I saw James trying to be a better dad, paying child support, calling Charlie every weekend, even winning back some favour with his motherinlaw. Jesss mother urged her to forgive me, saying Id changed. Jess eventually forgave, but the spark was gone. The wounds had healed just enough to leave only memories, none of which stirred her any longer.
They finally split for good.
Jess, why are you still harassing him? Mom asked, stepping over the threshold.
Whos harassing who? Jess replied. Has Charlie come home from school yet?
No.
Hes driving me mad, Mom. I wish hed go on a longterm shift somewhere far away! Im scared to build anything with James, not knowing what to expect.
Jess entered the kitchen with groceries; Mom had already brewed tea and the house smelled of fresh biscuits.
Wow, that smells wonderful, Jess commented.
Jess, you cant do this. You have a son. Youve lived together for years
How can I? Were not a couple anymore. Its like sleeping in the same bed but feeling nothing. Im exhausted.
Then why keep giving him hope, keeping in touch? Mom asked, unpacking.
Its him! He wont leave me alone, he showed up at my office a month ago, I smiled, flirted a bit. He wants forgiveness what am I supposed to forgive? I never gave him any
He wont let go, you need someone else, Mom said calmly. Men like James cant handle a woman whos moved on.
What? Which betrayal? Weve been divorced for three years, hes nobody.
He cant release you.
Exactly, hes relentless!
I didnt stop until my new job paperwork was done. I waited for Jess during her lunch break at the office, called Charlie to ask his mum to tell me wed still be together. My former motherinlaw stopped answering. A few weeks later I met Jess and Charlie outside school early in the morning.
Jess, Im leaving I said.
Good luck, she replied.
Charlie, Im heading off far, but not for long, I told the boy, who tugged at my hand, his first lesson being punctuality.
Ive said my piece. Im glad youre changing your scenery, hope it helps, Jess said, turning away.
Dont count on me, I wont abandon you, I shouted as I walked to the car.
Jess, Ill forgive you, I yelled from the roadside, but Ill never forgive the betrayal.
That made her smile, she said Id be forgiven thank you.
Three months passed. Jess no longer flinched at the sight of a blue car parked down the street. She moved about the city freely, not fearing a random encounter with me. She met an old friend for coffee, then stopped seeing her when the friend kept pushing her to save the marriage, accusing James of manipulating her. It turned out the friend was also divorced, knew what single parenting meant, and often forgave her own ex for little mishaps, calling them found trinkets in his car while a makeup artist or another girl was visiting. Shed joke about opening champagne for new love, ignoring the hundred calls from James a day.
One evening Jess was at a café with a mate, reading the menu, when a bold man approached, offered drinks, and they declined. Jess watched as her companion, Christine, kept an eye on him. After a few minutes, the man introduced himself, they exchanged numbers, and a new text thread began. Jess stopped reading Jamess endless messages, though her phone still buzzed. She hurried home from work, as if someone awaited her.
Hey, Charlie, hows school? she texted.
Fine, Dad, got a 5 on my English test! he replied.
Charlie, hows mum? I asked, trying to sound caring.
Shes fine, changed her haircut, went to Lilas birthday yesterday, he said.
Good. Shes not answering my calls, I muttered, Call her, please.
Mom cant come to the phone, we have guests.
Who?
Uncle Simon.
What the hell, Simon?! I snapped. Hand me the phone quick.
Mom, Mom! Charlie shouted from his room. The kitchen echoed with laughter and the smell of something cooking, while Simon hammered something in the next room. Mum! he cried louder, Dads calling.
Jess entered the kitchen, adjusted her apron, glanced toward the glowing stove.
Yes, she said, taking the call, eyes on the warm light.
Whats up, Jess? Still out having a night? I teased.
Dont you get sick, James, she replied, dryly. Are you really calling about this?
What do you think youre doing? You have a son! How dare you! Ill come over and give you a honeymoon youll never forget, you scoundrel.
Finally youve snapped, she laughed, Ive been waiting for the real man who trades a family for a fling. When will you realise were nothing to each other?
Shut up, you! I shouted, the line crackling. Ill be back in a week, I I
My son, we want a treat, the oven smells amazing, right Charlie?
Charlie nodded, reaching for his phone, a scream erupting.
Whos that? Simon asked, offering his hand.
Jess handed him the handset, the shouting died down as James hung up.
Dad will call later, Jess told Charlie, looking at her upset son.
But James never called Charlie again. He did manage to ring his former motherinlaw, hurling abuse at her for raising such a daughter, then texted Christine, promising to return and teach that goat a lesson. He never came back from his first assignment, then a second, disappearing somewhere in the country, only remembering his son twice a year on birthdays and New Years. He never wrote to his exwife; in his mind both were at fault for the familys collapse. Charlie, for his part, turned traitor under the influence of a certain Sergey.
Jess now lives with Sergey; hes no longer a guest in her flat. Charlie spent some time upset about his dads silence, but he and Sergey found common ground Sergey also had a strict English teacher at school and could recite the rules from memory, gladly explaining them to Charlie.
