It seemed ages ago now, when I look back on the tangled days of my marriage to Ian. Id just come home from the office, hoping for a quiet supper and a few moments with my wife, only to find myself obliged to mind a child who wasnt even mine.
Who exactly is she giving birth for? Ian had asked, frustration evident. For herself or for us? Im exhausted after a long day, and Im forced to tend to a strangers baby instead of relaxing with you.
Nell shivered and sighed. Hes not entirely a stranger, she said quietly. Truth be told, I dont enjoy it either, but Olivia asked. She needs her nails fixed, and she cant take the child with her to the salon.
Ian tugged at his jacket, unbuttoning it hastily before flinging it onto the arm of his chair. He needed to feed his nephew, but that was best done in something more comfortable than a suit, lest he be splattered with baby puree.
I get it, he said, but you cant keep putting off the nails, can you? Are you the only one she can rely on? Why does our household feel like a nursery?
Theres Mum, too, Nell began, reaching for a packet of macaroni, but she cant be on call every day.
You see, Ian interrupted, youre willing to do everything for everyone except yourself and me.
At first his brow furrowed in anger, then he exhaled, his expression softening. He knew his wife wasnt his enemyshe was simply indefatigable.
Nell, if you dont cut her loose, shell keep leaning on you, and youll be the one blamed, Ian warned. The one who drives the carriage is the one who rides it.
Nell pretended to be engrossed in the dinner preparations, yet she understood Ians point. She felt torn between being a second mother to her nephew and resenting the constant demands of the family.
It had all started innocently enough.
Ellie, Im ill and Ive got little Sammy in my arms, Olivia had whispered one evening. I need to get to the chemist, but I cant leave him alone. Could you help?
Without a moments hesitation Nell had rushed to the front line, not even considering the possibility of ordering a delivery. Her sister was sick, perhaps seriously, and needed rescuing.
Soon Nell found herself rescuing at every turn.
Can you pick up the phone from the repair shop? Olivia called. Were out of groceries again. A parcels arrived at the depot. Nell sprinted like a personal courier.
She could afford it, working remotely with a flexible schedule, but it never meant convenience. The fifteenminute walk to Olivias flat, plus the roundtrip, the queuing, and the endless little errands easily added up to an hour each time.
Nells work shifted to evenings and often nights when the house was still, a fact that irked Ian as much as it irked her. She tried to discuss it with her sister.
Olivia, what about Peter? Doesnt he help at all? Nell asked gently while handing over another Yodel parcel.
He does, Olivia replied brightly. Hes just exhausted after work. Hell sit with the little one while I dash to the shower, and the rest is on me.
Olivia guarded her own husbands time but showed little concern for anyone elses. Nell paused, reflecting.
And his mother? Nell probed. She lives nearby, doesnt she?
Dont mention her! Olivia snapped, rolling her eyes. I have no patience for that old bat. When shes around, its a nonstop barrage of unwanted advice. Id rather starve than ask her a thing.
Is there truly no one else? Nell persisted. Oksanas child is about the same age. Perhaps we could trade off: one watches, the other runs errands. Or Kate, who isnt working at all.
Olivia sighed. I feel odd pulling strangers in. They dont owe me anything.
Its easy to lean on your own, Nell murmured, sighing herself.
After that, Nell resolved to try saying no. Even before Ian hinted at it, she sensed it shouldnt be her burden alone.
The chance arrived the next day. Olivia rang, announcing a hairdresser appointment.
Nell, could you stay with the little one for an hour? Im only away a short while.
Her tone was more command than request. It infuriated Nell. Why should she uproot her plans so Olivia could get a manicure?
Im sorry, Olivia, I cant today, Nell said firmly. I have my own life to tend to.
What do you mean cant? Olivia pressed.
I cant solve every problem for you, Nell replied. I have responsibilities too.
Olivia huffed. But I have no one else. Ive already booked; I cant let anyone down. Ill be angry if you dont step in.
Im not your errandgirl or a mother figure, Nell snapped back. Deal with it yourself.
Olivias voice turned pained. Its easy for you to say that. You have no children.
Nell understood the irony; Sam was slowly becoming like her own son. Yet she chose silence, preferring to avoid conflict. Even this refusal felt like a small triumph.
Olivia, unrelenting, turned to their mother.
Mother, how could you let Nell refuse? Shes your sister, with a little one, and youre turning her away! she exclaimed. Who will help her if not us?
Mum, when she asked me for medicine I went, because it was urgent. But now she calls every other day for trivial things, even a salon visit. Is that really an emergency? Nell countered.
She wants to be pretty, their mother replied. You should understand.
Nell lifted an eyebrow. No one had ever truly put themselves in her shoes.
Then help her yourself, if you can, Nell suggested.
I? Im barely able to stand, her mother muttered. Youre younger; its easier for you.
The words young, childless, always at home had become a refrain Nell heard too often. That day she finally drew the line.
For a week her mother and Olivia acted as if Nell didnt exist, a cold silence that left her feeling isolated. She contemplated how to mend the rift but found no foothold.
When Olivia called again a week later, pleading for Nell to watch Sam while she got her nails, Nell reluctantly agreed, hating herself for doing so. It seemed there were only two options: become the outcast of her own family or endure the burden.
Youre too soft, you know, Ian said after hearing the story. Be careful. Otherwise shell never let go.
Nell breathed deeply, thinking of a way to refuse without earning a grudge.
Soon her phone rang predictably.
Nell, I cant manage. The little one has a fever, cries all morning, and Im running around like a hamster. I cant even sit down, let alone use the loo. Come over, at least we can handle him together.
I cant, Nell said, fabricating a story about strict monitoring software on her home computer that didnt allow breaks, even for lunch. Its like being in an office.
Silence lingered. Olivia searched for a weak spot.
Please, just once, one last time! Ask someone to cover you or take a day off.
Olivia didnt understand that Nell truly had no choice. She pretended to concede.
Fine Ill think of something.
Nell hung up and messaged Peter for his motherinlaws number, claiming Olivia needed immediate assistance. Peter didnt refuse, and the motherinlaw agreed, arriving shortly after with a flurry of messages.
What on earth have you done? Olivia texted, furious. Why did you send her after me?
I only got you help, as you asked, Nell replied calmly. I cant be there myself, you know that.
Olivia read the messages but stayed silent. In that moment Nell felt a quiet victory. Not a war, but a small battle won. Olivia would have to manage on her own or learn to rely on those genuinely willing to help.
And so the tangled web of obligations, refusals, and reluctant compromises remained, a memory that still echoes in the quiet evenings when I think back on those longago days.
