I never loved my wife, and I told her so many times. It wasnt her faultwe lived quite well together. She never made a fuss, never held it against mealways kind and caring. Yet the problem remained: there was no love.
Every morning, I woke with the thought of leaving. I dreamed of finding a woman I could truly love. But I couldnt imagine how fate would turn everything upside down.
With Sophie, I felt at ease. Not only did she keep the house perfectly, but she was also stunning. Friends envied me, baffled at how Id been so lucky in marriage.
Even I didnt understand why she loved me. I was an ordinary man, no different from any other. And yet, she loved me How was that possible?
Her love and devotion unsettled me. Worse still was the thought that if I left, another man would take my placesomeone wealthier, more handsome, more successful.
The idea of her with another man drove me mad. She was mine, even if I never loved her. That sense of possession was stronger than reason. But could I spend my whole life with someone I didnt love? I thought I could bear it, but I was wrong.
«Tomorrow, Ill tell her everything,» I vowed as I lay down to sleep. In the morning, over breakfast, I gathered my courage.
«Sophie, sit down. We need to talk.»
«Of course, darling. What is it?»
«Imagine we divorce. I leave, we live apart…»
Sophie laughed. «What strange thoughts! Is this some sort of game?»
«Listen to the end. This is serious.»
«Very well, Im imagining it. What then?»
«Answer truthfullywould you find someone else if I left?»
«William, whats come over you? Why are you even thinking of leaving?»
«Because I dont love you. I never have.»
«What? Are you joking? I dont understand.»
«I want to leave, but I cant. The thought of you with another man keeps me awake.»
Sophie fell silent for a moment, then answered calmly,
«I wont find anyone better than you, so dont worry. GoI wont be with anyone else.»
«You promise?»
«Of course,» Sophie assured me.
«Wait but where would I go?»
«Youve nowhere to go?»
«No. Weve been together our whole lives. I suppose Id have to stay close to you,» I said gloomily.
«Dont worry,» Sophie replied. «After the divorce, well trade the house for two smaller flats.»
«Really? I never expected you to help me like this. Why are you doing it?»
«Because I love you. When you love someone, you cant keep them against their will.»
Months passed, and we divorced. Before long, I learned Sophie hadnt kept her promise. Shed found another man, and the house shed inherited from her grandmother was never meant to be divided. I was left with nothing.
How can I trust women now? Ive no idea. I sit alone in the flat I can barely afford, staring at the photograph of her on our wedding dayso full of light, so sure of us. And I realize I never saw her love as strength, only submission. Now it mocks me, not because she lied, but because she was the only one who truly meant it.
