Its astonishing how little sense you have. Cant you see how badly Matthew is getting on? Hes your brother; you could have helped him. All you ever think about is yourself.
Not long ago my mother rang and asked me to collect all my belongings from her flat.
We can hardly move around here any more because of your things, she told me.
That call came after I had refused to give my brother, Matthew, any money for the deposit on a new flat. I wasnt offering a loan; I knew full well he would never pay it back.
When I turned him down, Matthew stormed out of my flat, his face red with fury. He was convinced I would simply hand over my whole savings because, in his view, he had a wife and children while I had none.
I need to speak of it, for my familys treatment of me feels terribly unfair, especially as the holidays draw near.
When I moved to Manchester for my studies, I immediately took a parttime job.
At first I lived in a university hall, then I rented a small flat with a friend. I didnt want to lean on my parents, so I made ends meet and, at the same time, sent a little help back to my mother.
She never accepted cash directly; instead she would ask me to bring useful items a coat, a pair of boots, household goods. Whenever I visited, I arrived with bags full of groceries.
My mother lives in a threebedroom flat with Matthew. Our father passed away three years ago.
Matthew never cared much for education. After leaving school he went to work in the Netherlands, and the only thing he managed to buy there was an old car. Back in England he took up a job as a taxi driver.
Later he married, and his wife Camilla moved into my mothers flat with him.
Money has always been tight for them, because Matthew lives day to day. The moment their wages hit the bank, they spend it straight away.
My mother and Camillas parents have frequently bailed them out. Matthew has grown accustomed to having someone always ready to step in, so he never puts any effort into earning more or improving his finances.
Now Matthew and Camilla have two children, with a third on the way.
They decided that my mothers flat was becoming too cramped and began to think about buying a place of their own.
I, on the other hand, share a rented flat with my partner, Thomas. We plan to marry, but have postponed the wedding until the time is right. Our incomes are steady Thomas works as a software engineer, and I run several online shops.
We are careful with our spending and are saving for a house of our own, so that after the wedding we can live independently.
My mother knew of our plans, yet she still hinted to Matthew that he could ask me for help.
They want to buy a house, but they have no money for the deposit, my mother told me.
When Matthew came to me and asked outright for cash, I said no.
He flew into a rage, believing I owed him something simply because he has a family and I do not.
Later my mother called again and said,
You really have no sense. Cant you see how hard things are for Matthew? Hes your brother; you could have helped him. You only think of yourself.
She added,
Come and collect your things from our flat. We cant get around because of your mess. Dont even think about coming for Christmas. Matthew is angry with you, and I dont want to see you either.
I didnt argue. I will take my belongings and make a place for them in the flat Thomas and I are renting, and when we finally buy our own house Ill put them there.
I could have lent my brother the money, but I knew he would never repay it. He never even asked for a loan he simply expected me to hand over all my savings because he has children.
Just because he has kids
What would you have done in such a situation?
