I cant believe how little empathy I seem to have in my own family. My brother Michael is struggling, yet I feel everything is just about me.
My mother called me recently, telling me to collect all my things from her flat.
Youre practically making us immobile with all your stuff, she said.
That call came right after I refused to give Michael any money for a house deposit. I wasnt even offering a loanI knew full well he would never pay me back.
When I said no, Michael stormed out of my flat, furious. He was convinced Id just hand over all my savings because he has a wife and children, whereas I dont. I need to get this off my chest because, with the holidays looming, the unfairness feels sharper than ever.
When I moved to Leeds for university, I jumped straight into parttime work. At first I lived in a halls of residence, then I rented a flat with a friend because I didnt want to rely on my parents. I made ends meet and even helped Mum at the same time. She never accepted cash directly; instead she kept asking me to bring useful itemsclothes, shoes, household bits. Every time I visited, Id come back with bags of groceries.
Mum lives in a threebedroom flat with Michael. Our father died three years ago. Michael never cared for study. After school he went to work in the Netherlands, and the only thing he managed to buy there was an old car. Back in England he became a taxi driver, later married and moved into Mums flat with his wife Poppy.
Money has always been a headache for them. Michael lives day to day; as soon as they get a paycheck, its gone. Mum and Poppys parents regularly pitch in, so Michael never feels the need to try harder or improve his finances.
Now Michael and Poppy have two children, with a third on the way. Theyve decided Mums flat is too cramped and are looking at buying their own place.
I, meanwhile, live with my partner Thomas in a rented flat. We plan to marry, but have postponed the wedding until the timing is right. Our incomes are steadyThomas works as a software engineer, and I run several online shops. Were careful with our spending, saving every pound to buy a home of our own so we can be independent after we tie the knot.
Mum knows about our plans, yet she still hinted to Michael that I could be asked for help.
They want to buy a house but dont have the deposit, Mum told me.
When Michael came over and demanded money outright, I said no. He blew up, thinking I owed him simply because he has a family and I dont.
Later Mum called again, her voice edged with accusation:
You have no conscience. Cant you see how hard it is for Michael? Hes your brotheryou could have helped. Youre only thinking of yourself.
She added:
Come collect your things from our flat. We cant move around because of your mess. Dont even think about coming for Christmas. Michaels angry with you, and I dont want to see you either.
I didnt argue. Ill take my belongings and find a spot for them in our rented flat. When Thomas and I finally buy our own house, Ill make sure they have a place there.
I could have lent Michael the money, but I know he would never have repaid it. He never even asked for a loanhe simply expected me to hand over all my savings because he has kids.
Just because hes a father
How would I have reacted in that situation?
