Ive changed my mind about marrying you. My exboyfriend has proposed; hes got a better future, says the bride on her wedding day.
James, we need to talk, Emily stands in the doorway of the grooms suite, radiant in her wedding dress, but with a strange, determined look on her face.
James lifts his head, surprised. He has just finished tightening his bow tie and is about to step out. There are only thirty minutes left until the ceremony.
Emily, whats this? You cant let the bride see the groom before the ceremony, he jokes, smiling. Bad luck, you know.
What luck now Emily steps forward, firmly closing the door behind her. The eyes that have always looked at him with love now read something foreign and cold. I have something to tell you.
James feels a knot tighten inside. He has known Emily for four years and has learned to read every nuance of her tone, every glance. He has never seen her look like this.
Whats happened? he asks, though his intuition already screams that nothing good will follow.
Emily takes a deep breath, as if ready to jump into icecold water.
Ive changed my mind about marrying you, she says in an even voice. My exboyfriend has proposed. Hes got a better future.
James watches her, bewildered, unable to believe his ears. Outside the hotel where they have booked rooms to prepare for the ceremony, the June sun shines over London. Down below, guests are gathering, the brides friends are laughing, music plays. In this room, his world collapses.
Youre joking? he finally manages.
No. Im sorry, she lowers her eyes. I know this is terrible timing, but its better now than to suffer together forever.
Suffer? James feels anger rising. You were going to suffer with me? All these four years were what? Waiting for something better?
Emily winces as if she has a toothache.
Dont simplify it. It was good with you, really. But Oliver hes always been special to me. You knew that from the start.
James knows that. When they first met at a mutual friends birthday party, Emily had just broken up with Oliver Hart, a successful entrepreneur who owned a chain of restaurants. Their relationship had lasted two years and ended abruptly when Oliver moved to the United States to expand his business, leaving Emily heartbroken.
James had patiently helped piece together her broken heart, month by month. He never rushed, never pressured. He simply stayedreliable, understanding, loving. And one day Emily returned his feelings, at least thats how he believed.
Did he come back? James asks, trying to gather his thoughts. When?
About a month ago, Emily replies softly. He called while you were on a work trip to Manchester.
And you decided just like that? In a month?
It wasnt simple, she lifts her eyes, determination clear. I fought with myself. But when he proposed James, you have to understand. Hes opening a restaurant holding in Europe. Ill have my own cosmetics line. Its a completely different life!
James watches the woman he still this morning considered the love of his lifebeautiful, smart, ambitious Emily. She works as a manager in a beauty salon and dreams of her own business. He has supported those dreams, though he is just a modest engineer with a decent but unremarkable salary.
What about our plans? he asks. The house we talked about? Children?
Ill have other plans, Emily steps back toward the door. I have to go. Oliver is waiting downstairs.
Here? James cant believe it. Hes come to this hotel on our wedding day?
I asked him, Emily grabs the doorknob. I didnt want to stay alone after this conversation.
What about the guests? My mother drove from a nearby town to see us
Ill explain to everyone, she interrupts. Ill say its my fault, that its a sudden decision.
Its sudden! James raises his voice. Yesterday you said you loved me! This morning you kissed me and promised happiness!
I was wrong, Emily lowers her gaze. Im sorry this happened.
She leaves, quietly closing the door behind her.
James stands in the middle of the room, stunned, crushed, unable to comprehend whats happening. The clock on the wall shows fifteen minutes until the ceremony. Downstairs, guests wait, music plays, everything is set for a celebration that now will never happen.
He sits on the bed, loosening his bow tie. Fragments of thoughts whirl in his head: why? How could she? What now? How will he face all those eyes?
The door opens again, this time without a knock. Igor, his best man and close friend, steps in.
James, whats going on? Igor looks bewildered. Emily just walked through the hall in her wedding dress, crying, with some man. They got into a black Mercedes and left. What the
Shes not marrying me, James says dryly. Her ex is back. Hes more promising, you see.
Igor opens his mouth, shuts it, opens it again.
Bloody hell on your wedding day? Seriously?
More than seriously, James stands, pacing. We need to tell the guests. Cancel everything.
Ill help, Igor puts a hand on his shoulder. How are you holding up?
I dont know, James answers honestly. Feels like a nightmare.
Going out to the guests is the hardest thing he has ever faced: announcing that the wedding is off, enduring sympathetic looks, whispered conversations, endless questions. Emilys parents look as shocked as he doesclearly she never told them her plans. His own mother, who drove from Surrey, weeps and repeats, How could this happen, love?
That evening, after everyone has left and the paid banquet remains untouched, James sits in the hotel suite, staring at a wall. His phone buzzes with calls and messagesfrom friends, colleagues, relativesbut he doesnt answer anyone.
Here, Igor, who has stayed, hands him a glass of whisky. Drink. Itll ease it a bit.
James takes the glass in silence, takes a sip. The alcohol burns his throat but brings no relief.
You know whats the worst part? he says after a long pause. I always felt she wasnt wholly mine. That somewhere deep down she kept Olivers image. I thought time would heal it.
That happens, Igor replies, sitting opposite. First loves and all that. But to ditch you on your wedding day thats crossing a line.
She always loved grand gestures, James laughs bitterly. Remember how we met?
At Lucys birthday, Igor nods. She was sitting there looking miserable in a black dress, mourning her ex.
And I walked up and said
Maybe black isnt your colour? Igor finishes. I gave her that silly daisy from the pot.
And she finally smiled that evening, James closes his eyes, recalling. She said she felt life moving forward.
And now she leaves you for the same guy she once mourned, Igor shakes his head. Lifes a cruel joker.
James spends the night sleepless, replaying the past four years: happy moments, arguments, reconciliations, future plans Was it all a lie? Did she truly love him until Oliver reappeared?
In the morning he returns to the flat they shared to pack his things. He unlocks the door and feels an emptiness. Emily has already been through; her favorite figurines are gone, photos taken down, her cosmetics vanished.
On the kitchen table lies an envelope. Inside, a note and the key to the flat.
James, Im sorry for everything. Youre a good man and deserve happiness. I have to follow my own path. Ill collect my things later. Emily.
Brief, dry, without explanation or remorse, as if four years can be crossed out with a single note.
James slumps onto the sofa where they had watched countless films, where they had argued about which couch to buy. He had wanted a navy one; she insisted on a practical beige.
Blue couch is for single men, she had said back then. Were a family.
Family a word now burning his mind.
Later that day he moves his belongings to Igors flat, who offers him a place until things settle. He takes a few days leave from workhis boss, learning of the disaster, grants him the time. He feels numb, as if a spell has frozen him, and no friend or relative can thaw him.
A week later, his old university friend, Sarah, calls.
James, can we meet? I need to talk.
They meet in a small café near Igors house. Sarah looks nervous yet resolute.
You know Ive known Emily since university, she begins after greetings. I feel awkward getting involved, but you should know something.
What about her and Oliver? James asks, a bitter smile on his lips. Thanks, but I dont need more details.
Its not about them. Its about you, Sarah says, leaning forward. I overheard a conversation between Emily and Oliver before the wedding. They were talking about you.
And what did they say? James asks, halfexpectant, halfdreading.
Oliver asked why she agreed to marry you, Sarah pauses. She answered, Hes reliable, safe, predictable. With him life is calm, but boring.
James feels a tight squeeze in his chest. Boring. The word hits harder than anything else.
Later, Sarah continues, Oliver said, But hes just a simple engineer. Whats there to love? And Emily replied, He loves me truly, like a stone wall. Oliver laughed A stone wall is solid, but living inside it feels like being sealed in. She agreed.
James sits, staring at his coffee, a storm of emotions raginganger, hurt, shame. The shame of being the predictable, boring one hits hardest.
Why tell me this? he asks.
Because its not true, James, Sarah meets his eyes. Youre not boring. Youre interesting, deep, with a great sense of humour. With Emily you just faded, became a shadow, afraid to step out of line, to scare her off.
James recalls how often he compromised, adjusted his schedule to hers, gave up a mountainclimbing trip because she feared for him, stopped seeing friends she didnt like.
Why didnt you say this earlier? he whispers.
Would you have listened? Sarah shakes her head. You saw her as a goddess, James. She was perfect to you.
And now you tell me because you feel sorry for me?
No, she says firmly. Because the problem isnt you. Its her. She chases glitter, fireworks, flash. Oliver is that fireworksbright, loud, impressive, then burns out fast.
After their talk, James feels a shift. He snaps out of his stupor, returns to work, finds a new flat, starts jogging in the morningsa habit he abandoned because Emily disliked early runs.
The pain dulls over time. He still wakes up sometimes with a hollow feeling, still catches himself thinking, I should tell Emily something interesting happened, when something noteworthy occurs. But life goes on.
Three months later, he spots her in a shopping centre, standing in front of a jewellery window, looking at rings. Shes still as striking, confident, bright.
Hello, he says, walking closer.
Emily startles, turns, a flash of emotions crossing her facesurprise, embarrassment, something else.
James hi, she forces a smile. How are you?
Better than three months ago, he replies honestly. And you? Still picking out rings?
She blushes, looks away.
Yes, Oliver and I are planning for next month.
Congratulations, he says, genuinely surprised at his own sincerity. I hope it actually happens this time.
James, she bites her lip. I know youre hurt. Im really sorry
No need, he raises a hand, stopping her. Everythings been said. I just wanted to thank you.
For what? she asks, genuinely puzzled.
For walking away, he says. If you hadnt, Id still be living someone elses life, losing myself.
I dont understand, she frowns.
Thats fine, he smiles. Goodbye, Emily. Be happy.
He walks away, feeling an unexpected lightness, as if a heavy load finally lifts.
Later that day his phone rings. The caller ID shows Emilys number.
James? her voice sounds unusually tentative.
We already spoke today, he reminds her.
No, I mean I really need to talk. I cant stop thinking about what you said about losing yourself.
Whats there to think about? he shrugs, though she cant see it. I meant exactly what I said.
Were you unhappy with me? she asks, a hint of hurt in her tone.
No, he answers honestly. I was happy, but it was happiness built on giving up part of myselfmy wishes, my interests, my principles. I was shaping myself to fit your expectations, becoming quieter, more convenient.
Silence hangs.
Did I lose myself with you? she asks quietly.
I dont think so, he says with a smile. You always knew what you wanted and went after it.
Another pause.
Maybe I was wrong, she says finally. Maybe I shouldnt have
Stop, he cuts in. Dont. You made a choice you believed was right, and I accepted it. Theres no turning back.
Why? her voice trembles. If we both made a mistake
Because I no longer want to be the convenient backup, he states firmly. I dont want to be the runway you look over while searching for something brighter, more promising.
Youve changed, she says after a beat.
Yes, he agrees. And thats probably the only positive outcome of our story. Thank you for calling, Emily, but please, dont call again.
He hangs up, takes a deep breath. A strange mix of sorrow and relief washes over him. One chapter ends; a new one lies ahead, and he will decide how it reads.
Six months later, on a snowy December, James stands on the viewing platform of a ski resort he finally managed to visitfulfilling a longheld dream of learning to ski. The sun glints off the powdery slope, and he feels utterly content.
Beautiful, isnt it? a womans voice says beside him.
He turns and sees a girl in a bright blue ski jacket, her brown eyes sparkling with golden flecks.
Very, James replies, smiling. First time here?
Third, she lifts a glove, extending her hand. Anna.
James, he shakes it. Are you a pro?
More like a stubborn hobbyist, she laughs. I fall a lot but always get back up. And you?
Im a beginner, finally ticking off an old dream, he says, eyeing the slope where skiers weave. You know, there are things you keep putting off, thinking maybe someday, but then you realize if not now, maybe never.
A philosopher, she says, tilting her head. I like people who think about life.
And I like people who can fall and get up again, he replies. Want to tackle this run together? I promise Ill fall gracefully.
Deal, Anna giggles, her laughter echoing across the snowy hills. First one to the café at the bottom buys mulled wine!
She darts down, and he follows, his heart swelling with pure, unfiltered joy. For the first time in a long while he feels completely, unmistakably himself. And that feeling is worth every loss and disappointment he endured.
Sometimes you have to lose something precious to discover something pricelessyourself.
