Kate was an oldfashioned lass who longed to be married. Nowadays most young women arent keen on tying the knot why lug a whole pig into the house when a single sausage will do? And sausages these days come in every shape and size you can imagine. Even cohabiting without marriage is no longer a scandal; its become perfectly respectable.
Back then there were still notions of honour, shame, pride and a proper sense of decency all of which seem rather unnecessary now. Even the lazy, laidback type of fellow who used to be scorned isnt seen as a bad character any more after all, money kept trickling into his estate, so he was a rentier, wasnt he? And if you handed a smartphone to a fellow like Ilya Ilyich today, hed instantly be hailed as a successful blogger with a bright future.
When it comes to family life now, do as you like. Meet in hotels or hourbyhour rentals thats what theyve cooked up for you. Theres even guest marriage why run straight to the registry office? Who knows what might happen after the wedding? In the old days a pair of mismatched socks or a ruined borscht could be a catastrophe; today the real threats are infantilism, overprotective mumsyndrome and the chronic nothingeverhappens attitude of many a lad.
And, of course, the endless list of demands from both sexes not just bread and spectacle. You can fetch the bread yourself. Then theres shopping, which never seems to end.
Kate was a pleasant exception: goodlooking, with no trendy bodytuning or fancy implants. Shed earned a respectable degree, held a solid job and earned a decent salary in pounds. Yet, for some reason, men seemed to overlook her. They marched past in tidy rows, pairing off with others and stepping straight onto the same old ruts.
Dont think there were no men in her life she was pretty enough, after all. It was just that none of the relationships ever reached the registry office. She was approaching thirty, and in the old days folk would have said she was nearing the old maid stage. Nowadays the prime childbearing age stretches well into the sixties, so the pressure isnt as fierce.
Kate didnt want to have a baby on her own. She also believed in horoscopes well, more accurately, in astrological forecasts. Horoscopes, after all, were invented by clever opportunists to swindle a quick buck. In those tough times every prediction was optimistic: On Tuesday morning youll meet a billionaire destined to change your fate. So she kept a toothbrush handy, just in case his intentions turned serious.
Being a Sagittarius, she searched for a partner whose sign matched hers. Sagittarius is a fire sign, and the other fire signs are Aries and Leo; among them the archer is considered the most eventempered.
Her first great love blossomed in her first year at university an age now dismissed as nurserylevel. What could eighteenyearold youngsters possibly understand? Well, they did grasp a few things, like where to go and what to expect. Sex education has changed a lot since those days, so the old go find your flowers and pollen advice feels quaint now.
Soon enough she hit the creative block of adulthood: paying the bills, the bus fare and buying food. It turned out she had to shop for groceries herself, no longer raiding a communal fridge as in the old days. Her parents had previously supported her financially, but now she was living on her own, and two people simply couldnt stretch the means.
Her boyfriend, Vlad, was baffled. Arent you the one wholl buy the food? he asked, genuinely surprised. Why me? Kate replied, equally startled. But the fridge is yours and Im not the homeowner! Vlad tried to explain, and the logic was sound enough.
If thats the only issue, Kate reasoned, I can hand over all the housekeeping duties to you. Run the kitchen as you like! Soon after, Vlad vanished, stopped greeting her in their shared lectures, and disappeared like a fire sign that never stays put.
The registry office never saw their names, but Kate kept making plans. She loved Vlad after all, he was her first boyfriend. Yet youth and time moved on, and a second steady beau appeared when she was in her third year.
Sergei was a good few years older, well into his thirties, and declared, Well get married, love! Hed been divorced once before. Does a past marriage block true love? He claimed he loved Kate.
But Sergei was jobless. This was before the modern gigeconomy hit and before the countrys latest crisis. Still, his life was riddled with permanent difficulties: he kept getting sacked, his bosses were impossible, the work hours unbearable. He complained, Im nervous, Im nervous should I just eat my feelings?
When Kate suggested he take a courier job, he retorted proudly, Im an analyst! She asked, Cant an analyst be a courier? He shrugged, Drive and analyse if you like, Ive spent my last pennies on food. Ask your mum, she teased, Tell her were having temporary setbacks. He muttered, Ive been saying that for two months. Time is a long thing, he quoted Mayakovsky, puffed up and said, See how erudite I am? You should be proud to have snagged a lad like me!
She replied, Then dont ask me for food! and added, Times have changed, so get moving! Kate was not only clever but quickwitted.
Yuri, a Capricorn, was notorious for his stubbornness. When Kate proposed a practical solution Lets register each others addresses, he exploded, Who are you telling to move their legs? It was the first time hed been pushed back; normally he was the one who dumped women. No, it was me who suggested it to Mayakovsky! Kate snapped. You can both go on, she said, Let him feed you now.
Yuris reaction was beyond what any decent fellow could bear. After all, Capricorns are famed for being diligent and reliable a point to prove the horoscopes right.
The third suitor, Len, also trusted the stars. Theyd met on an astrology forum, and their chats blossomed into genuine affection. Yet Len kept correcting their zodiac signs, calling them zodiyahkeys. When Kate asked why, he shrugged, Its funny! She remembered her grandmothers words, You cant have it all without a bit of muddle.
Lens speech was littered with quirky nicknames Snafudarling, Stervadesa, Dubina Regovitskaya all spilling from his mouth like a broken ceramic teapot. At fortyone, his wordplay annoyed Kate, though their lives otherwise ran smoothly. Both held good jobs, were free, and Len had an adult son from his previous marriage.
A scandal erupted at a family gathering when Kates grandfather, a retired civil servant with Polish roots, heard Len call a certain dignitary Zerdinsky. He roared, Jesus, Mary! Off with you, you mangy dog! The scene took place at a weddinglike celebration, but the registry office still remained a distant dream.
Len turned out to be a Taurus earth sign, just like Kates earlier Capricorn boyfriend. Tauruses are reputed to be the most sensitive of the zodiac. Then Kate met Peter, a man without a single annoying habit. Divorced, childfree, attractive, welloff, educated, witty, and living in a modest onebed flat. He was also frugal, born under Virgo another earth sign famed for thriftiness and prudence, perfect for a future family.
They applied to live together; Peter moved into Kates flat and started renting out his own. He asked her to register him at her address. Why? Kate asked. Youre already registered where you live! I get why youd need an address if you had none, but why now? Peter, puzzled, replied, We love each other, were a family now, everything should be shared! Kate thought of an old joke, Write your flat onto my name, please! Oh, sorry, wrong start do you believe in God?
Love had sparked, and they both agreed: Alright, Ill register you and youll register me. Peter, stunned, asked, Where? Kate answered, In my flat, well share everything. He protested, But you dont live there! After a pause, Kate suggested, Lets alternate months one month in my place, the next in yours. She realized she was merely shifting the problem, leaving a hollow space in their plans.
Peter fell silent; nothing clever came to mind. The conversation stalled, and Kate, feeling a bit let down, pressed, Isnt this sensible? He could only nod. Registering a stranger in your home felt odd, yet the idea of living together in a splitschedule seemed oddly reasonable.
Later, after dinner, Kate slipped away from the kitchen to the sittingroom. Peter lingered for fifteen minutes, then asked, Kate, fancy a cinema? She smiled, Sure! He exhaled a sigh of relief hed already paid a deposit for a restaurant booking, thinking the night was set. Kate added, So will you register me, Pete? Im not sure we finished that bit. He turned away, retreated, and she didnt chase him. Their wedding never materialised; the conversation fizzled before any official registration.
It turned out she wasnt alone. Two of Kates three best friends had married one for six months, another for a year. The third, like a joke, slipped away quietly. Kate herself had lived with a few civil partners for over a month each, and there was love in those arrangements too. Love, after all, isnt just feelings; its deeds and actions. In her circle, many suitors never truly loved her.
In the end, Kate, now past thirty, stopped obsessing over marriage. She earned a promotion, swapped her grannys tiny flat for a cosy twobedroom, bought a sleek foreignmade car and treated herself to a short break. She concluded that life had turned out well. Modern medicine now extends a womans fertile years to about sixty, so she could still have a child for herself if she wished. And sausages? Theyre everywhere, in every shop, aisle and market.
