Ill tell you about Poppy, a somewhat oldfashioned girl who was desperate to get married. These days most young women arent keen on tying the knot why haul a whole pig into the house when a single sausage will do? And sausages are everywhere now, in every shape and size you can imagine. Cohabitation is accepted, no longer a scandal as it once was. Back then, there were still notions of modesty, pride, honour and a host of other useless virtues.
Even a character like Oblomov isnt frowned upon any more; after all, his estate kept sending him a steady allowance. Hes a rentier, they say. If you hand a smartphone to a bloke like Ian Illich, suddenly hes a successful blogger whos got it all sorted. As for marriage, the rule now is live as you like. Meet in hotels, rent rooms by the hour thats the modern romance. Theres even something called a guest marriage, so why rush to the registry office? You never know what will pop up after the ceremony. In the past, the biggest tragedies were mismatched socks or a botched cabbage soup.
These days the real horrors are childishness, mammyism and the chronic nothingeverworksout attitude some gentlemen have. And that same nothingeverworksout shows up in women who spend more time admiring their own looks than anything else. There are all sorts of demands from both sides now, not just bread and entertainment you cant expect anyone else to feed you. And, of course, the endless shopping.
Poppy was a pleasant exception: attractive, with no flashy bodybuilding trends, and a solid university degree that landed her a respectable job paying a decent salary in pounds. Yet, for some reason, men barely gave her a second glance. They marched past her in tidy rows, pairing off with other women and falling into the same old traps. It wasnt that there were no men at all she was goodlooking, after all but none of them ever made it to the registry office. She was soon to turn thirty.
Back when we were under the old system, they used to say a woman could still have children at sixty these days the young mums are barely past their thirties. Poppy didnt want to have a baby on her own, without a husband.
She also believed in horoscopes, or more precisely, astrological forecasts thats the proper term. Horoscopes, after all, were a clever invention by opportunists looking to make a quick buck. In tough times, the predictions were all sunshine and rainbows: On Tuesday morning youll meet a wealthy magnate who could change your destiny. So, just in case, she kept a toothbrush handy you never know when serious intentions might show up.
Being a Sagittarius, the fire sign, she looked for a partner whose sign matched hers. Aries and Leo also belong to fire, but the Sagittarius is considered the most mellow of the lot.
Her first serious love came during her first year at university an age now dismissed as preschool in todays slang. Those kids dont know much, but they do know a thing or two about where theyre headed. Sex education these days is far from what it used to be, so we might as well leave the old flowerandbee talks behind.
Then came the creative block. She had to pay the bills rent, transport, food. For the first time she discovered that groceries had to be bought, not magically appear in the fridge as they seemed to before. Her parents had previously supported her, but now she was living on her own, and two peoples wages just didnt stretch far enough.
Her boyfriend, Dave, was taken aback. Arent you the one wholl buy the food? he asked. Why me? Poppy replied. The fridge is yours, Im not the head of the house, Dave explained. If thats the issue, clever Poppy said, I can hand over all the household authority. Run the kitchen as you wish! Predictably, Dave vanished from her life, even stopped saying hello in class a classic case of a firesign Sagittarius getting burned.
Poppy mourned a bit; she loved Dave after all, he was her first man. But time moves on, and a second steady boyfriend appeared when she was in her third year. He wasnt from university, but from the local community college. Simon was well over thirty, already divorced, and declared, Well get married, love! He had genuine feelings for Poppy.
Unfortunately, Simon was out of work. This was before the recent economic squeeze and the special measures that now strain the country. He kept losing jobs, dealing with unreasonable bosses, absurd hours, and a miserable work environment. What am I doing, darling? Im nervous, Im nervous should I just eat my feelings? hed mutter.
When Poppy suggested he take a courier job to make ends meet, he proudly replied, Im an analyst! She countered, Can an analyst be a courier? Go on, analyse your route while you work. I spent my last quid on food yesterday. He retorted, Ask your mother! Tell her were having temporary difficulties. She sighed, Ive been telling my mum about temporary difficulties for two months now. He quoted Mayakovsky, Time is a terribly long thing, and smiled, What do you think of my erudition? Be happy, youve landed a decent lad! Poppy added, Then dont ask me for food. Times have changed get a move on! She was both witty and practical.
Simon, a Capricorn, is famously diligent and reliable a perfect example of why you might heed horoscopes.
The third suitor, Liam, also trusted the stars. They met on an astrology forum, and their chats blossomed into genuine affection. Yet Liam kept insisting on calling the zodiac zodiacs. When Poppy asked why, he shrugged, Its funny! Their banter turned into an odd mix of affectionate nicknames and nonsensical wordplay: Snowdarling, steravadessa, and Dubbly Regovisk slipped from his mouth like a broken record.
Both had good jobs and were free Simons ex had an adult son. Initially Simon was shy, then warmed up, and the relationship went fulltilt. A scandal erupted at a family gathering when Poppys grandfather, a former intelligence officer with Polish roots, heard Simon refer to the novelist Z.Dzherginski as Zerdinski and burst out laughing. Jesus, Mary! he shouted, Off with you, you little rascal! It was a chaotic moment at the wedding rehearsal.
Eventually, Liam turned out to be a Taurus, earthsign like Capricorn, and notoriously touchy. Poppy then met Peter, a divorced, childfree gentleman with a good sense of humour, a modest onebed flat, and a penchant for thriftiness. He was a Virgo another earth sign celebrated for being careful with money, a trait Poppy valued for a future family.
They decided to move in together. Peter asked Poppy to register him at her address. Why? she asked. Youre already registered at yours! If you didnt have any registration, youd be stuck, right? He replied, We love each other, were a family now, everything should be shared! Poppy laughed, recalling a joke about switching flats: Write your name on my lease, please! Oh, sorry, wrong start do you believe in God? The conversation turned into a playful debate about love, family, and shared ownership.
Alright, Peter said after a pause, Ill register you, and youll register me. Where? he asked, puzzled. In my flat its all ours now! Peter protested, But I dont live there! Poppy, ever resourceful, suggested, Then well alternate: a month in my place, a month in yours. She realised she was still stuck with an emptynest feeling, but at least she had a plan.
Peter fell silent, unable to conjure a clever retort. So? Poppy asked, eyes on his thoughtful face. Seems sensible. He stared at her, then, after a long pause, asked, Poppy, fancy a cinema night? She agreed, relieved, and he breathed out a sigh of relief hed already put down a deposit for a restaurant dinner.
Will you register me, Petey? she pressed. We havent settled that yet. He looked away, shuffled, and left. She didnt chase him; the wedding plans had already dissolved, and the conversation had fizzled before any official paperwork.
In the end, two of Poppys three close friends got married one lasted six months, the other a year. The third, like a punchline, lingered on. Poppy herself had lived with a few civil partners for over a month each, and there was love in those arrangements too. Love, after all, isnt just feelings; its actions and deeds. None of her partners truly loved her, as the local saying goes, There are no bad people, just unfortunate matches.
She eventually turned thirtyone, stopped hunting for a wedding, and was promoted at work. She swapped her grandmothers tiny flat for a cosy twobedroom house, bought a sleek foreignmade car, and took a short break abroad. She felt her life had finally clicked into place. Nowadays, women can have children up to sixty, so she figured she could still have a baby for herself if she wished. And sausages? Theyre everywhere, in every market and corner shop.
