Dear Diary,
This morning I was jolted by a sharp ring of the phone. The screen flashed Eleanor Smith. It was the third call from my motherinlaw since dawn. I drew a deep breath, steadied myself and pressed the green button.
Yes, Eleanor, Im listening.
Emily, why arent you answering? her tone carried a thinly veiled rebuke. Ive been calling all morning!
I was busy making porridge for Lucy, my hands were full, I fibbed, though the real reason was that Id had enough of her endless critiques about how I raise my child.
That porridge again! I told you children need meat. My Harry grew up on steak and look at him nowstrong as an ox! And your Lucy is all pale, shell be blown away by a gust of wind.
I closed my eyes and counted to five. Lucy was only three, and the paediatrician had confirmed she was developing normally; her slight frame was simply the side of her fathers family.
Eleanor, we do give her meat as well. Todays lunch will be meatballs.
Good! Thats why Im calling. Ill be over this afternoon with a pot of chicken broth, bonein, just the way Harry likes it. Ill also make some cutlets, my own recipe. Not those meatballs of yours.
A bite of sarcasm slipped through the word meatballs, as if I were offering my child poison.
Dont worry, we have everything, I tried to reassure her.
Worry about what? Grandmother just wants to see her grandchild! You wont stop me, will you?
That was the hallmark of Eleanors way of speaking: pose the question so that any answer but agreement would sound like a terrible rudeness.
Of course, come over, I gave in.
When the call ended I rested my forehead against the cool windowpane. Snowflakes drifted lazily outside, settling on bare branches. November had turned grey and damp.
Mum, who were you talking to? Lucy peeked out of the nursery, clutching a wellworn plush rabbit.
Grandmother Eleanor is coming today, I said, forcing a bright tone.
And shell tell me I dont eat enough? the girl frowned.
My heart clenched. Even my threeyearold sensed the constant criticism.
She loves you very much and wants you to grow up healthy and strong.
Lucy looked unconvinced but nodded and went back to her toys.
Now the cleaning began. James and I usually live in a comfortable creative mess, but before Eleanor arrived the flat had to sparkle. If it looks like a pigsty, youll get a chorus of microbes, she would say.
In two hours I managed to mop the floors, dust the surfaces and even bake an apple crumble the only thing I ever managed to perfect, and the one dish Eleanor always praised.
James was due back from work at lunchtime. We both work from home; hes a software developer, Im a graphic designer. Today he had an important client meeting, so he went into the office.
Exactly at two oclock the doorbell rang. Eleanor was as punctual as a Swiss watch.
Well, look whos here, my dear daughterinlaw! the short, plump woman with chestnuttinted hair entered, arms laden with bags. Wheres my little princess?
Lucy timidly emerged from the bedroom.
Come here, my darling! Grandmother brought treats!
The girl stepped forward and offered her hand for a kiss. Eleanor had taught her that girls should grow up proper ladies.
Only grownup ladies get handkisses, she said, bending down to hug Lucy. When youre sixteen youll be handing yours to gentlemen. Grandmothers just get a hello.
I rolled my eyes, though Eleanor didnt see.
Eleanor, may I help with the bags? I offered.
Yes, carry them to the kitchen. Ive prepared a lot! Harry must eat properly, not scrounge around.
She immediately started issuing orders in the kitchen:
Emily, fetch the big pot. Not the plastic one, the proper metal one. And wheres your bread? Do you keep it in the fridge? You cant! It goes stale.
I fetched the items patiently. After six years of marriage I had learned to expect Eleanors howto at every turn.
Lucy looks so pale, Eleanor observed while pulling out jars of assorted pickles. Do you take her out for walks? Give her vitamins?
We take her out daily if the weather allows, and we give her the supplements the doctor prescribed, I replied.
The doctor! she scoffed. What do those young medics know? In our day
I sighed inwardly.
In our day children were outside from dawn till dusk, and we hardened them! I took Harry out in any weather and he turned out fine.
I kept quiet, though I could have reminded her that James had suffered bronchitis every winter and chronic tonsillitis as a child.
I made the crumble. Would you like tea? I asked.
First lunch, then tea. And wheres Harry? Why isnt he here yet?
The hallway lock clicked, and James appeared, looking bewildered at a heap of shoes by the door.
Mum? Why didnt you tell me you were coming? he asked.
How could I not? I called you this morning! Eleanor retorted.
I gave James a guilty smile; Id forgotten to forward her notice.
Hey, Mum, James greeted her with a hug. How are you feeling?
Oh, the usual blood pressures up, my legs swell by evening. But I dont complain. We manage ourselves, so we dont burden anyone.
That line was a wellrehearsed refrain, always followed by a litany of ailments, and a gentle reminder that I rarely visited my own mother.
Undress, dear, Im heating up the lunch. Ive been at the stove since early, making your favourite dishes.
James shot a apologetic glance at me; he knew how hard these visits were for me.
At lunch Eleanor launched into stories of how brilliant Harry had been at four, reciting poems and the like.
Lucy, do you know any poems? she asked.
The girl just poked at her plate with a fork.
She knows many, I intervened. Lucy, tell Grandma about the bear.
I dont want to, Lucy muttered, pouting.
See, James? Eleanor flapped her hands. The child is so withdrawn. You should send her to nursery, let her make friends.
Weve already discussed that, James cut in. Were waiting until shes four. No need to rush her.
Rush? Eleanors voice rose. I gave you Harry at two, and he turned out fine! Your Lucy is shy, eats nothing
Lucy pushed her plate away and puffed her cheeks.
Can I go play? she asked.
No, finish your cutlet first, dear, Eleanor commanded.
Finish, love, I softened, though my nerves were on fire.
Lucy forced a bite of the cutlet.
Much better, Eleanor nodded approvingly. Youre spoiling her. A child needs routine, discipline. When I raised Harry
Her monologue about proper childrearing continued unabated.
After lunch Eleanor insisted Lucy take a nap.
Children must nap in the afternoon! Its essential! How can you break a routine?
I wanted to argue that Lucy no longer napped and would stay up until midnight, but James shook his head: better to acquiesce than to quarrel.
Let her rest a bit, he whispered to me.
While Eleanor wrestled with Lucy, I brewed tea and sliced another piece of the crumble.
Useless, Eleanor returned after half an hour. Shes completely out of hand. In our day children obeyed!
I almost blurted, In your day you even beat children for misbehaviour, but held my tongue.
Shes just not tired yet, James soothed. Mum, try the crumble, I made it especially for you.
Eleanor inspected the slice skeptically.
No artificial additives, I hope? Those store mixes nowadays
All natural, I assured her. Flour, eggs, apples from our own garden, the very ones you gave us.
That seemed to calm her a touch.
Youve learned, finally. I remember when you first married you couldnt even fry an egg properly.
I stayed silent, though I could have reminded her that Id been on my own for ten years before we married and could cook just finejust not the way she expected.
Harry, Eleanor leaned toward my son, could you come over next week? The tap in the bathroom is leaking, and the cupboard lights out. Im terrified of a ladder, might fall and break my hip. Who will help me then?
Of course, Mum, Harry said apologetically. Ill swing by Wednesday.
Wednesday I have Aunt Nicky over Maybe Tuesday?
Tuesday I have a crucial client meeting, James gestured helplessly.
Well then Ill just sit with the faulty tap, Eleanor sighed. Its not the first time.
I bit my lip. The same thinveiled blackmail, the endless reproaches.
I could go with you today and look at the tap, James offered, unable to bear another sigh.
A flicker of satisfaction crossed Eleanors face.
Great! And while youre at it, check the hallway wallpaper. Its been up five years, looks rather shabby.
Wheres Lucy? Its too quiet, I asked suddenly.
In her room, looking at books. I told her not to scatter her toys, Eleanor replied.
I peered into the nursery and froze. Lucy was carefully cutting pictures from a new picture book wed bought just yesterday.
Lucy! What are you doing? I exclaimed.
She looked up, unflustered.
Grandma said I could cut pictures and make an album. She gave me scissors.
My heart dropped. The book was an expensive, beautifully illustrated edition wed ordered online, eager to read together.
Lucy, thats a brandnew book! We only started it yesterday!
Tears welled in the girls eyes.
Grandma said she sniffed.
I inhaled deeply, steadied myself.
Its alright, love. Next time, if you want to cut something, ask me or your dad first, okay?
She nodded and snuggled onto my lap.
Eleanor, meanwhile, was regaling Harry with gossip about the lady on the fifth floor who had a serious ailment.
Eleanor, I interrupted calmly, did you give Lucy the scissors?
Of course! A child must learn handy work. We used to glue and cut all the time as kids. Now everyones glued to their phones
But she ruined a new book, the one we just received from the online shop, I protested.
So what? Its just a book! Shell have a lovely album, itll spark her creativity, Eleanor waved it off.
James stood between the two of us, looking exhausted.
Mum, they could have asked us first, he said tentatively.
Ah, so now I must ask permission to play with my own grandchild? Who am I here, an intruder? Eleanor snapped. No one speaks like that!
No, thats not how we talk, James tried to calm her.
Exactly! she rose, flustered. I see Im the odd one out. I come, I cook, and all I get are criticisms!
Eleanor, I also rose, no one is accusing you. There are just boundaries
Boundaries? she interrupted. What boundaries between a grandmother and a grandchild? I raised Harry alone! I know how to raise children, unlike some who cant even make a decent lunch!
Mum! James shouted. Stop this right now!
A heavy silence fell. Lucy peeked out, eyes wide.
Grandma is shouting, she whispered.
Eleanor instantly softened:
Come here, my golden girl. Grandma isnt shouting, just adults talking. Lets finish our album together, alright?
No, I said firmly. No more cutting. Lucy will go watch a cartoon with Dad, and well have a word, Eleanor.
Eleanor wanted to argue, but James already took Lucys hand.
Shall we go, princess? Frozen?
As they left, I invited Eleanor to sit.
Eleanor, I know you love Lucy and want the best for her. James and I have our own parenting style, and we ask you to respect it.
So I should stay silent when I see a child being raised the wrong way? she sneered.
You may suggest and advise, but decisions are ours. And please, dont tell Lucy she can do things we normally forbid.
Like what? she asked, eyes narrowing.
Like cutting books, or napping in the afternoon, or eating sweets before lunch.
So I shouldnt spoil my grandchild? Whats the point of grandmothers then?
I sighed. We were speaking different languages.
Spoiling is fine in moderation, but discuss it with us first.
Eleanor pursed her lips and began gathering her bags.
If thats how it is, Ill go. Theres no point staying if I cant even have a proper moment with my granddaughter.
No drama, please, I said, weary. Just lets respect each other.
Thirty years teaching, raising my son alone, and now I have to ask permission to let my granddaughter cut pictures! she muttered, pulling on her coat.
James emerged from the hallway, hearing the clatter.
Mum, youre leaving already?
Im off, love. Your wife doesnt like how I deal with Lucy.
Mum, dont start, James winced. Let me give you a lift and check the tap?
A hint of relief softened Eleanors face.
If it isnt too much bring a screwdriver; the cupboard hinge is squeaky.
When they departed, I collapsed onto the sofa. Lucy slipped into the room, climbed onto my lap.
Mum, I wont cut books anymore, she said seriously. I didnt know I shouldnt.
Of course, sweetheart, I hugged her. Youre not at fault. Next time, if Grandma suggests something, ask dad or me first, okay?
She nodded and pressed her cheek to mine.
James returned an hour and a half later, tired but satisfied.
Fixed the tap, replaced the bulb, tightened the cupboard. Mom sends her apologies and says shell stay out of the parenting business.
And I should believe that? I smirked.
James sat beside me, wrapped an arm around my shoulders.
Of course not. But at least well have a breather for a week.
We laughed. Perhaps one day our relationship with Eleanor will smooth out. Or perhaps not. For now we have our little family, our home, our rules, and well guard them fiercely.
A week later Eleanor called, as if nothing had changed, offering to teach Lucy how to bake pies. Its time the girl learned a proper ladys skill, she declared, or shell turn out like modern youthuseless. I sighed and exchanged a look with James; his eyes said it allhe too knows this may never end. But well manage. After all, she does mean well; its just her idea of well that isnt ours.
