I had to wait, that was all the old woman said.
Emily knew everything. Of course she didshe wasnt twenty, not even thirty.
She was tired of being alone, of pulling that endless cart through fogfilled streets.
Lucy, why is it always me? Whats wrong with me? Am I a bore? Do I smell? Am I clingy? Or perhaps I give no love or tenderness at all.
What was wrong with her?
Everyonetall, short, chubby, skinny, drinkers, beauties, the plaineach one had a life of their own. Everyone and she had none.
Why was she solitary?
Listen, Em dont laugh, my gran used to whisper about a thing I cant quite name a crown of virginity.
Emily waved her hand. Oh, please, are we living in the Middle Ages?
Dont believe me? Lucy leapt from her chair. My thirdcousin once had that crown taken off by the same old woman.
What old woman? Emily asked, flatly, just to keep the conversation moving.
Anyway, Ill ring Nora nowshes my sister, the one who had the crown removed. Ill find out everything.
After ten minutes Lucy scribbled something on a napkin, tongue tucked at the edge.
Right, Nora, love. How are you? Getting married again? What about Graham? Oh, hes gone, huh? Fine Ill be there.
She hung up, a pause hanging in the air.
Did something happen?
What? No actually yes. I need another wedding gift; my sisters tying the knot againfifth time. That old woman must have stripped the crown clean off her. Heres the address. Are you coming?
Emily shrugged.
She set out, but the old woman, turning the world on its axis, sent her back emptyhanded.
No crown for you.
ImpossibleI
You chose the wrong men, didnt you? First, a rogue who fled with a child in his heart, promising a girl while already married. Did you not see? He was a lecher, dumped you in the bushes, and his life fell apart.
How?
You neednt know; he wasnt yours.
The second wasnt yours either? Emily smiled slyly.
The old woman nodded. The third wasnt yours either.
The third? I have no one.
There will be. When you stop looking, he will appearhell be yours, though not wholly yours. A girl cant change that, but trust him; hes steady, and youll find a happiness that feels like it belongs to a grandmother. You might even claim him entirelyjust wait, dont rush.
Go now. And tell your friend to see a doctor, give her those herbs, let her drink them and visit a gynecologist. Tell her the old woman sent the message.
That conversation had echoed years before.
Desperate for a womans happiness, Emily had visited the village wise woman.
Everything the wise woman said came true.
When the third man arrived, Emily had forgotten the old womans words. He was good, treated her daughter kindly, yet something always seemed to slip away, leaving them in sudden silence, as if they vanished forever without explanation.
Then Emily met Harry.
At first she didnt recognise him; the flat next door had been empty for years. When Emily moved in with her daughter, the neighbour, Aunt Kate, said the landlord roamed the building at odd hours, staying with his mother.
One day Emily, curious, peeked through the ajar door of the flat next doorfemale curiosityand saw a man applying wallpaper.
She slipped out quietly; the landlord had clearly returned.
He did return, again and again.
Their first collision happened in the hallway a week later. The doors were absurdly designed: if one opened, the other would not, unless the first was shut again.
Emily rushed to work, tried to open her door and failed. The neighbour apologized swiftly, closed his flat, and Emily heard light, rapid footsteps.
Later she blocked his exit, then they met again on the landing, where the neighbour allowed Emily to go first.
One day Harry helped Kristina lift a bicycle; Emily baked scones and gave them to him.
They later met in the park; Harrys son, about Kristinas age, joined them, and the children raced on swings while Emily and Harry chatted merrily.
Six months on, he asked her out, then introduced her to his family.
They began to live together, but first Harry told his story.
Emily Im not a twentyyearold lad, not a brute. Im a grown man with my own opinions and temper. I promise if you live with me I wont be unfaithful; Ill do the mens work, help out, earn a living, I dont drink or smoke, no bad habits. Ill respect you, value you but I cant love you. Ive tried.
No, Im not a stone. I feel something for you, just not the kind you hoped for.
Do you need someone like that? My wife used to call me a scoundrel
So I explain all this, lest you think Im playing the hero.
In my youth I fell for a girl. She was warm, and being near her felt right it didnt work out. She saw me as a friend, I tried to push her from my heart for years, failed. Ive had women prettier and smarter, yet none fit.
Should I have spoken to her? Emily asked, voice trembling.
I talked, you think Im a whiner, a fool? I laid it out, step by step, why we should be togethersaid I love you more than life. I didnt whine, just asked you to listen. Shed just split from her husband, and I
She said shed always been a friend, even a brother to me.
Did she ask why I left Inna?
I told her honestly I didnt love her.
And? she shrugged. Shes beautiful, smart, funny. You dont love her, she loves you whats the harm?
Harry realised then that shed never loved him; she poked him with her nose like a kitten. He couldnt live with an unloved woman yet forced her to stay.
Then he married.
I didnt wander like a mummy, I lived, partied, like everyone else, but when I thought of the woman I love, love feels a curse, a punishment. Im dazed, unable to give a woman happiness. Women love with their ears, dont be angry I cant lie.
Think, Emily, decide if you can live without bright emotions. My wife couldnt.
Dont answer now, just think.
Emily thought, then a week later she entered his large, lively family. They welcomed her and her daughter with cheer.
She feared they might call her a substitute, treat her with pity, but nothing of that sort happened.
She never regretted marrying Harry; he was reliable, solved her problems, and she tried not to dwell on passion. Their life was fine.
Only occasionally, perhaps twice a year, Emily caught her husbands wandering glance, as if remembering someone else, but it never disturbed their marriage.
Again that glance returned, stirring a hurt she tried to ignore.
Was it cruel? She pressed a hand to her heartwho doesnt dream of a man changing for her? Shed married not for great love but out of habit, and soon grew to love him, for he was the perfect husband.
Yet the hazy look lingered, a look he did not love.
Emily? Harry called, as she washed the windows on a bright spring day, the sun scorching the panes. He entered the room, admiring her.
He felt free, as if hed finally met his beloved and was simply glad to be there, then suddenly, yearning, he turned toward home.
Whats wrong, Harry? she asked.
Nothing, he replied, stepping onto the sill, twirling, dancing around the room.
Emily, you have no idea how good everything feels.
He kissed her, finally realizing how deeply he loved his wife, how dear she was.
She thought, He wasnt lying; the old woman was rightjust wait.
Good morning, dear ones! May your love, if still unfound, flutter to your window. And if its already there, cherish it.
Sending you warmth, light, and positivity.
Always yours.
