I had to simply wait.
Emma knew everything. Of course she did she wasnt twenty any more, not even thirty.
***
Emma was tired of being alone, of hauling that endless cart.
Lucy, why is it like this? Whats wrong with me? Am I a bore? Do I stink, or am I just too clingy? Or perhaps Im not giving enough love and tenderness.
What is it about me?
Everyone the tall, the short, the stout, the skinny, the drinkers, the beautiful, the plain all seemed to have a life of their own. Everyone. And she had none.
Whats wrong with me? Why am I alone?
Listen, Em dont laugh, but my gran once told me about a thing, I dont know how to call it a crown of spinsterhood.
No, thats nonsense, Emma brushed it off. Are we living in the Middle Ages now?
Dont believe me? Lucy sprang from her chair. My thirdcousins aunt had that very crown, the old woman took it off her.
What old woman? Emma asked, curiosity flat, just to keep the conversation moving.
Anyway, Ill ring Nora, my sister the one who helped that aunt remove the crown and Ill find out everything.
Ten minutes later Lucy was scribbling on a napkin, the tip of her tongue sticking out.
Right, thanks, Nora. How are you? Getting married again? I missed that and George? Ah, thats over. Fine, Ill be there.
Lucy hung up, a moment of silence stretching.
What happened?
Nothing actually, yes. I need a wedding gift again my sisters getting married the fifth time. Seems that old woman really took that crown off me. Heres the address. You coming?
Emma shrugged.
She eventually set off, but the old woman, turning on her heel, sent her back emptyhanded.
You dont have any crown.
Of course I do I
What? Youve been picking the wrong men? The first one abandoned his child, swore to a girl, yet was already married.
You didnt know? You thought something was wrong with you? Its just that he was a scoundrel, fled into the bushes life with him fell apart.
How?
Not for you to know. Hes not your man.
The second wasnt either? Emma smiled.
The second wasnt the third wasnt either.
The third? I have nobody.
There wont be.
And mine? When will he appear? Will he ever?
Hell appear when youre not looking hell be yours, but not wholly a girl cant change that, but trust him hes reliable, with him youll find a kind of happiness maybe even claim him completely just wait, dont rush.
Now go and tell your friend she needs to see a doctor, give her these herbs, let her drink them and visit a gynaecologist tell her the old woman asked me to pass the message.
That conversation had taken place many years before.
Desperate to find her own happiness, Emma visited the village healer, a crone named Maud.
Everything turned out exactly as Maud had said.
She met the third man, but the crones words slipped from her mind. He was good, treated Emmas daughter well, yet something always happened theyd become pensive, vanish, disappear forever without explanation.
Then Emma met Harry.
At first she didnt realise it was him, the very man shed been dreaming of. The flat next door had been empty for years. When Emma moved in with her daughter, no one lived there; the neighbour, Aunt Kate, said the landlord roamed the streets, stopping at his mothers house.
One day Emma, curious as any woman, peered at the slightly ajar door of the neighbours. Inside a man was sticking wallpaper on the walls.
Emma slipped out quietly; it was clear the landlord had returned. And returned he did, over and over.
Their first encounter in the corridor lasted a week. The doors of the flats were absurdly designed if one opened, the other would stay shut until the first was closed. Emma rushed to work, tried to open the door and couldnt. The neighbour apologised hurriedly, shut his flat, and Emma heard light footsteps.
Later she blocked his exit.
They met again on the landing; the neighbour let Emma be the first to open the door.
One day Harry helped Kristine lift a bicycle; Emma baked a batch of scones and gave them to him.
They met in the park; Harry had a son about Kristines age, the boys became fast friends and raced each other on the swings, while Emma and Harry chatted merrily.
Six months later he asked her out, introduced her to his family, and they moved in together. Before that, Harry told his story.
Emma Im not a twentyyearold lad, not a brute. Im a man, an adult with my own opinions and temper.
I promise, if you live with me, I wont cheat, Ill do the mans work, help out, I can earn a living, I dont drink, I dont smoke. No nasty habits.
Ill respect you, cherish you but love? I cant love you, Ive tried.
No, Im not a stone, I do feel for you, just not the kind of love youd hope for. I cant give you what you need.
Do you need me then? My wife used to call me a wretched idol.
Thats why Im spilling all this, so you dont think Im playing hero.
I fell in love with a girl when I was young you know, standing close, feeling warm, it was nice.
It never worked. She saw me as a friend, I tried for years to push her out of my heart, failed.
Ive had women prettier and smarter, yet none fit.
Should you have spoken to her? Emma asked, her voice trembling.
I talked, you think Im a deer in the headlights, suffering? I laid it all out, said I loved her more than life. She just listened.
She had broken up with Inna, and Emma asked why.
I told her I didnt love her.
And? she shrugged. Shes pretty, smart, lively you dont love her, she loves you whats the harm?
Thats when Emma saw it the way she nudged him like a kitten, proving she didnt love him. He couldnt live with an unloved wife, yet somehow forced her to stay.
He later married.
I didnt wander like a mummy, I lived, partied, just like anyone. But whenever I thought of the one I love, love feels like a curse, a punishment.
He felt dazed, unable to bring happiness to a woman, Women love with their ears, dont be offended I cant lie.
Im not rambling, I just want you to decide if you can live without bright emotions the wife couldnt.
Dont answer now, think.
Emma thought it over, and a week later she met his large family. They were cheerful, embraced Emma and her daughter warmly.
She had feared being seen as a substitute, or being pitied, but everything went smoothly.
She never regretted marrying Harry; he was reliable, solved all her problems, she tried not to dwell on passion and love, and their life was fine.
Only occasionally, perhaps a couple of times a year, she caught Harrys wandering glance, as if remembering someone else, but it never disturbed their marriage.
Then again that look appeared.
Was it hurtful? Honestly, she placed her hand over her heart any woman dreams a man might change for her, and Emma too, didnt marry out of great love, she grew to love the dependable husband.
That hazy lookshe knew she didnt love him that way.
Emma?
Harry watched his wife washing windows in the spring sunshine, the sun scorching the panes, she sang softly. He entered the room, admiring her.
He felt free, truly free. He had met his beloved once, felt joy, then suddenly, as if drawn home, he wanted to return.
Whats up, Harry? Something happen?
Yes something.
He slipped down from the windowsill, spun around the room, danced.
Whats that, Harry? Whats happening?
Everythings fine, Emma you cant imagine how good it feels.
He kissed Emma, now truly realizing how dear she was.
She thought, Hes the one the old crone didnt lie. She told me just to wait.
Good morning, dear ones! May your love, if still unfound, flutter into your window. And if its already there, cherish it.
I send you warm hugs, rays of kindness and positivity. Always yours.
