Ill call her, I muttered, backing toward the front door. Your lover phoned. She sends her regards, Ivy said, never taking her eyes off the stove where something familiar sizzled in a pan, as if it were the very thing that had always kept our life together.
I froze on the kitchen threshold. Twentysomething yearsour whole lives flashed before me in an instant. The house key slipped from my fingers, clattered onto the floor, the metallic clang breaking the silence like a knife through butter.
What are you talking about? A lover? My voice trembled, spilling out the dread and turmoil of the past months. It felt as if the ground were giving way beneath me.
Emily, Ivy finally said, crossing her arms over her chest. Your assistant, I suppose? Shes twentyfive, says shes been seeing me for four months now. Congratulations, love. The pain in her eyes was so raw I wanted to sink into the earth or, perhaps, to wake up and find it all was just a nightmare.
Ivy, Ill explain I began, but the words caught in my throat.
Explain what? she rasped, a bitter laugh escaping her. What exactly are you going to explain, Andrew? That you were having fun with your secretary while I was flitting from doctor to doctor? Or that you lied, saying you were staying late at work?
The pan hissed, the smell of burnt meat filling the kitchen. Ivy switched off the gas as if that could halt the ache, the bitterness, the betrayal.
You know whats the most disgusting? she whispered. I suspected it allyour latenight calls, the trips, the meetings. I believed you, like a fool, I believed!
Ivy, listen I took a step toward her, but she thrust her arm out, as if erecting an invisible barrier.
Dont come any closer! Tears flashed in her eyes. Lord, how filthy twenty years of devotion for nothing!
Enough, I tried to steady my voice, but it shook. Lets talk calmly. Its complicated.
Complicated? Ivy laughed again, a sound that turned into sobbing. Whats so complicated? You took a young lover. Shes flown in. And me, she snapped, Im just an old woman who cant have children, is that it?
Dont say that! I stepped forward, reaching for her.
She twisted away, and a sharp slap cracked the kitchens quiet.
Get out, she hissed, voice trembling. Go back to her. If she could give you what I never could.
Ivy
Leave! She snatched the salt cellar from the table and hurled it at me.
The salt scattered across the floor, white crystals glinting under the lamp. Bad omen, I thought.
Ill call her, I muttered, backing to the door.
Ivy turned to the window, shoulders shaking as if a cold wind blew, though the night outside was warm.
In the hallway, hastily pulling on my coat, I heard muffled sobs. My hand froze on the door handle. What could I possibly say? How could I justify the betrayal?
The front door slammed shut. The now empty flat fell silent save for the ticking of the wall clockour parents wedding gift. It had ticked for twenty years, counting the seconds of our shared life.
Ivy sank into a kitchen chair, eyes falling on the spilled salt. They say salt brings bad luck, she thought, then burst into a hysterical giggle. It seemed absurd that her life could be as scattered as those crystals on the dark floor.
My coat pocket buzzed. Ivy fumbled it out, reading a text from an unknown number: Sorry. I didnt mean for it to end like this. Emily.
Little monster, she whispered, crushing the phone in her hand. Outside, rain began to patter, the first drops striking the sill like a sad melody on an unseen xylophone.
She rose, grabbed a broom and dustpan, and as she swept up the salt, a thought crossed her mind: I never even asked whether she was expecting a boy or a girl She stopped, clutching the dustpan, the rain, the ticking clockall merging into an unending stream that now seemed to be her entire existence.
I sat in my car, staring at the phone. Fifteen missed calls from my motherobviously Ivy, who always adored her daughterinlaw. So what now? I asked my reflection in the rearview mirror. A weary fortyfiveyearold man stared back, judging me.
The phone buzzed again. Emily lit up the screen.
Yes, love
Where are you? her voice trembled, on the verge of tears. I was so scared she was terrifying!
Who? I asked, confused.
Your wife! She came to my office, made a scene
What? When?
An hour ago Emily hiccuped. She shouted at the whole office, saying Id destroyed your family, threw papers at me they were her test results.
I lowered my head onto the steering wheel, a groan escaping me.
I didnt know Emily continued. I truly didnt know you couldnt have children. I thought you just didnt want them
Aha, a thought flashed. Knew it and still
Come over, she pleaded. Im scared being alone.
Im on my way, I muttered.
I turned the key, but before the car could move, the phone rang againmy mother.
Yes, Mum.
Ah, you dog! she snarled. What have you done? Lost all sense of conscience?
Mum
Shut up! Ivys crying, barely holding herself together. We spent twentyodd years together and you throw it all away for a fling!
Im sorry
Im done with you! Dont call, dont show up!
She slammed the receiver. The phone felt suddenly heavy in my lap. The engine hummed softly, the house lights in Ivys street glowing warm, but I couldnt go there. I turned the ignition off. The car sighed and fell silent, leaving me alone in a deafening quiet.
A faint buzz came from the handset.
Damn I whispered, slamming the steering wheel, my fingers cramping.
Another message pinged: Divorce papers will be ready in a week. You can collect your things this weekend. Im leaving.
I read it over and over. It didnt add up. Divorce. After twenty years. Everything shattered.
Then Emilys name flashed on the screen.
Are you coming? My stomach hurts
On my way! I shouted, jerking the wheel as if I could wrench myself out of the nightmare.
Rain hammered harder, the wipers fighting a losing battle, the city blurring into grey smears on the windshield.
A buzz in my pocketprobably Mum again. I didnt even look. It didnt matter; everything was already falling apart.
A year ago Emily had joined my firm as an internbright, hopeful eyes, the same admiration I once saw in Ivy during our university days. A corporate party, a spark, a touch, and I found myself taking her out to restaurants, buying flowers, falling in love again as if I were young.
I rented a flat for our secret meetings, watching her glow with happiness, dreaming of a future.
Fool, I thought, staring at the slick road. Old fool.
The phone rang.
What the I grabbed it without looking. Emily, I
Its not Emily, Ivys voice cut in, oddly calm. I did a test. Guess what? Im also expecting.
Everything seemed to freeze. A sudden screech of brakes, a crash, darkness.
Heart attack, the doctor said matteroffactly. Plus head injury. Condition serious.
Ivy stood by the ICU window, watching my tangled mass of tubes and wires. Emily sat beside her, her plump face hidden in her hands, whispering soft sobs.
Stop crying, Ivy said, not looking up. This isnt a drama.
Sorry Emily dabbed at her eyes. Its the baby
Yes, of course, Ivy smirked. A baby without a dad. How funny. And Im without a husband. Brilliant, isnt it?
You you too? Emily stammered, eyeing Ivys barely visible belly.
Got knocked up as well? Ivy teased. Twenty years of infertility, and nowboom! Stress, I guess.
The monitor ticked softly. Rain beat the windows, a relentless reminder that life outside continued.
You know, Ivy said, still staring at my lifeless form, I loved you from the first year at university. You were skinny, glasses, everyone laughed at me for liking you. I saw the real you She paused, fingers tugging at the hospital curtain as if something hidden there might save her.
Then came the wedding, the rings, the veileverything perfect. My mother even said, Shell be a good daughterinlaw. And I ended up broken.
Emilys voice was barely audible. Dont say that.
How to say it? Ivy snapped. Do you know how many doctors Ive seen? How many procedures? He kept telling me, Dont worry, love, well manage without kids. He was lying. Pure lies.
He loves you, Emily whispered, but even she didnt believe it.
Even when he had you? Ivy laughed harshly.
Emily flinched, covering her belly.
I thought we had love, she whispered, eyes down.
So Im a nasty, careerdriven wife? No kids? Ivy shot back.
No! Emily gasped, speechless.
Whats the funniest thing? Ivy interjected. I almost understand you. Young, in love, chased a successful man, lost your head. I was the same. Only mistakehes already my husband.
In the ward, Andrews body shifted slightly. Both women leaned forward, then fell silent.
What now? Emily asked.
What will you do? Ivy asked tiredly. Andrew will have two heirs or heirtobe. What difference does it make?
What about him? Emily pressed.
What about him? Ivy replied, bitterly. Hell choose. Either the old wife with a limp or the young lover with a bump.
Im not competing, Emily started, trying to pull away from the words that clung to her.
Exactly, you are, Ivy cut in. All of you are. Listen, girl I loved you truly, to the point of madness. Now its released. I thank you for that. Thank you.
She turned, closing the door gently. A faint scent of her perfume lingered, the same one Id given her every anniversary.
I opened my eyes to the spring storm outside, rain mixing with snow, the city of Manchester drenched. Two women carried my children in their heartsdifferent yet strangely alike. Two paths, one story.
Wonder if theyll ever be friends, I thought, or share everything till the end.
