You really have no conscience, my mother shouted. Cant you see how badly Michael is struggling? Hes your brotheryou could have helped him. All you think about is yourself.
A few days earlier my mother had called and asked me to collect all my belongings from her flat.
Your stuff is taking up almost the whole place, she had told me.
That conversation came after I refused to give Michael any money for the deposit on a new flat. I wasnt offering a loan; I knew he would never pay me back.
When I said no, Michael stormed out of my flat, convinced that I would simply hand over all my savings because he has a wife and children, while I do not. I felt the family was being unfair to me, especially with the holidays approaching.
When I moved to Leeds for my studies I immediately took a parttime job. At first I lived in university halls, then I rented a flat with a friend. I didnt want to rely on my parents, so I made my own money and also helped my mother whenever I could.
She never accepted cash directly; instead she asked me to bring useful thingsclothes, shoes, household items. Every time I visited her I arrived with bags full of groceries.
My mother lives in a threebedroom flat with Michael. Our father died three years ago.
Michael never cared for education. After leaving school he went to work in the Netherlands, and the only thing he managed to buy there was an old car. Back in the UK he became a taxi driver.
Later he married Charlotte and moved into my mothers flat with his wife. Money has always been a problem for them; Michael lives handtohand. As soon as the pay packet arrives, its spent.
My mother and Charlottes parents regularly chipped in to keep them afloat. Knowing there would always be someone to bail them out, Michael never tried to earn more or improve his finances.
Now Michael and Charlotte have two children, with a third on the way. They decided my mothers flat was too small and began looking for their own home.
I live with my partner Thomas in a rented flat. We plan to marry, but have postponed the ceremony until the timing is right. Our incomes are steadyThomas works as a software engineer and I run several online shops. We avoid frivolous spending and are saving for a house of our own, so we can live independently after we tie the knot.
My mother knew about our plans, yet she still hinted to Michael that he could ask me for help.
They want to buy a flat but they have no money for a deposit, she told me.
When Michael came to me and asked outright for cash, I said no. He was furious, believing I owed him simply because he has a family and I do not.
Later my mother called again, her voice sharp:
You really have no conscience. Cant you see how hard it is for Michael? Hes your brotheryou should have helped him. All you think about is yourself.
She added:
Come collect your things from our flat. We cant move around because of your mess. And dont even think about coming for Christmas. Michael is angry with you, and I dont want to see you either.
I didnt argue. I will take my belongings and store them in the flat Thomas and I are renting. When we finally buy our own house, Ill put them there.
I could have lent Michael the money, but I know he would never repay it. He never even asked for a loanhe simply expected me to give him all my savings because he has children.
If you were in my shoes, how would you have reacted?
Sometimes love and duty clash, but true responsibility means setting healthy boundaries and not sacrificing your own future for those who refuse to help themselves. The lesson is that generosity must be balanced with selfrespect, otherwise you risk losing both.
