Youve got no mother left! bellowed the motherinlaw.
Forget that you ever had a mum. After youre married, youll stop troubling me and act as if I never existed. And dont expect any wedding money from me either. If I didnt pick your wife, I wont foot the bill for this whole charade.
James felt on top of the world when his little son, Tom, clung to him and declared,
Mum, youre the best in the whole wide world. Ill do everything I can to keep that smile on your face.
Tom had no idea how those words turned his mothers heart upside down. She swelled with pride at having birthed such a darling boy, whom she called her little angel. Golden curls, blue eyes, perfect features he looked like hed walked straight out of an aristocratic portrait. As he grew, Margaret, his mother, used his good looks as a convenient excuse to start scrutinising any potential daughterinlaw: she must boast an impeccable pedigree, a tidy appearance, a slender figure, a university degree, impeccable manners, and ideally a respectable job at a wellknown firm.
My son already has a flat in London. Now we need a proper lady to keep it shipshape, and someone wholl welcome guests at three in the morning because thats what a wife and housewife are for, shed say.
Time passed and Margarets demands only grew harsher.
No woman over twentyfive, or shell produce a weak child. And we must be absolutely sure the child is mine, I mean Jamess.
Margaret, have a little respect for the Almighty, her sisters would chide. In this day and age you wont find a girl who meets all your criteria. If you want James to settle down, stop pestering him. Otherwise hell remain a bachelor forever.
James graduated with top marks from both school and university, landed a wellpaid job in a city bank, yet his love life was a disaster. The moment he introduced a girl to his mother, Margaret could conjure a thousand reasons to send the prospective bride packing. At every meeting shed command,
James, go fetch us some fruit, while we have a little chat.
The first girl James brought home was Emily. She came from a modest background her mother was an accountant, her father a boilerroom operator, and she had two younger brothers. Emily worked as a pharmacists assistant, which made Margaret think,
She has constant access to medicines. What if she tries to poison my son? Or me? No, shes out. And a family of manual workers? We dont want that.
Sweetheart, you understand you cant marry James, dont you? Margaret snapped when she and Emily were left alone. Youre too different. He grew up in a world you could never imagine. Better forget him and find someone more downtoearth.
Emily didnt need a lecture. She stood up without a word and left, not even saying goodbye to James. When he tried to find out what went wrong, she replied dryly,
Ask your mum who raised you in those special conditions. Shell tell you youre too good for me and I should look for someone simpler.
Mum, why did you snap at Emily? I really like her. What did you say? James asked.
Son, youve forgotten something, Margaret said slowly. Im your mother and I know best who can make you happy. Its never going to be a girl like Emily. Where did you ever find such a? As if nobody respectable existed.
James realised arguing with his mother was pointless and walked away. He sometimes mentioned meeting new girls, but never rushed to bring them home. Occasionally Margaret offered help with his love life, which he politely declined,
Ill choose my wife myself, not you.
I know exactly who youll pick, Margaret muttered. Some cleaninglady with nothing but mops and raghammers in her head.
At least the floors would shine, James quipped, halfsmiling.
Dont speak to me like that! Margaret barked.
Eventually James moved out of his mothers flat the very one shed been renting out and into his own place. His father, John, had long been out of the picture after a divorce when James was six. Suddenly, John agreed to meet.
You know why I left Margaret? Because she never let me breathe. She tracked every move, every destination, every gossip. When I tried to spend time with you, shed yell that I wasnt educated enough to teach you anything. Why did she have to bear my children? I was just a cattleproducer, did my job and got out. Then I thought, why waste my life on a lunatic who never cared? I left, gave up child support, and she lost her parental rights.
And youre happy about that? James asked, frowning.
Why are you asking? John replied, offended. I bought you that flat, handed you the keys. Didnt I tell you?
What? James blinked.
John repeated,
I saved for ten years so youd have a place of your own. If you ever ended up back with her, youd have no life of your own. She doesnt think of anyone as a person.
Why didnt you talk to me before? James asked tentatively.
I didnt want you to get into trouble. Margaret threatened to whisk you away to another town, and Id never see you again. So I watched from afar.
Johns words made James see his mother in a new light. She truly was the best mum hed ever had, and he often joked that hed look for a partner who reminded him of her. Margaret, with a patronising smile, thought hed never find anyone like her a oneinamillion, perhaps a oneinabillion.
After Emily came a string of other dates, but none pleased Margaret. Finally James gave his mother an ultimatum:
Either stop interfering in my life, or Ill stop talking to you.
What a thankless creature you are, Margaret hissed. Who do you think youre talking to? I bought you a house, paid for your education. How dare you?
Mum, enough, James pleaded. I know who really bought that flat. I talked to Dad and he told me everything.
And you believe him? Margaret exploded. Not my own son, but some loser?
If you must know, that loser is my father.
Margarets face turned a shade of pink. She gave him a scornful look and shut herself in her room. The next morning she didnt come down for breakfast. James knocked, only to hear a furious shout,
Leave me alone and go bug your worthless dad!
Mum, why are you doing this? James opened the door and stepped in. She lay on the bed, hair in disarray, dress rumpled, staring at the ceiling. It was a stark contrast to her usual pristine appearance, perfume, and immaculate outfits.
You know, son, Ive figured something out, she said slowly. Marry whoever you like, I dont care. Even a bloke halfPapua New Guinean, halfpenguin, halfIndian rhino. Just forget you ever have a mother. After the wedding you wont bother me and youll act as if I never existed. And I wont give you a penny for the wedding. If I didnt pick your wife, I wont pay for this whole circus.
Got it, Mum, James replied with a joking bow, then quietly closed the door behind him. That very day he moved into his own flat.
Six months later he invited his mother to a restaurant to break the news of his upcoming marriage.
And who is she? Margaret asked, nonchalant.
Whatever she is, you wont like her, James answered coolly. Just so you know, her name is Lisa, shes twentysix, from a long line of doctors. A proper lady.
Good heavens, where does that confidence come from? Margaret rolled her eyes. Show me a photo.
James dug out his phone and displayed a picture of his fiancée. Margaret pursed her lips, shook her head disapprovingly.
And thats the future mother of my grandchildren? What a horror show!
The girl in the photo had an unmistakably Eastern look.
Thats some exotic name, not Lisa. Why call her that?
Lisas halfKorean, James explained patiently.
Even better, Margaret snorted. Like a bulldog crossed with a rhino.
Youll come to like her once you get to know her after the wedding, James grinned.
Margarets breath caught at his words.
After the wedding?! Youre actually going through with this? Just to spite me?
Why would I do it for spite? Just for my own happiness, James chuckled, flagging down a waitress to place an order.
Margaret sat in stunned silence, trying to picture what her grandchildren would look like with such a mother. The mental image was unsettling.
At the wedding James gave his mother a stern warning:
No drama, alright? If Lisa leaves me because of you, Ill never forgive you, understand?
Margaret was forced to sit quietly, like a mouse hiding in the hedgerows. She watched as the radiant bride and her gleeful son took congratulations, joined in games, and danced, eyes sparkling with affection. The next day the newlyweds arrived with a cake for Margaret, but she wouldnt let them in.
Alright, son, Ive done everything you asked. Now listen to me. Dont bring that halfbreed to my house again. Do you even realise what youre doing? You could have a thousand wives, but youll only ever have one mother.
The couple left, and Margaret, still simmering, tossed the cake into the bin.
Ill take nothing from this halfblood, she muttered angrily.
After that, Margaret fell ill quite often, and Lisa took it upon herself to look after her. Sometimes James hired a livein carer so his mother wouldnt be left alone. Margaret could never accept Lisa, whom she despised for daring to be compared to her.
You said youd find someone like me, didnt you? Wheres the resemblance? Margaret grumbled, annoyed that she now depended on the very woman she loathed.
When the phone rang, Margaret answered in a singsong voice,
Hello, love. How are you? My blood pressures doing the tango again. Can you pop over, check me? Brilliant, were all set
