Monday, 3May
I never imagined Id be watching my husband pack my belongings into that battered suitcase as if I were a guest in my own home. James stood by the wardrobe, pulling out sweaters, cords, even the old denim jeans Id bought for myself years ago. He didnt look at me; his movements were mechanical, rehearsed.
While youre still living with Mum, my sister will be staying with us, he announced, zipping the suitcase shut.
What? Its Tuesday, Grace has school! I snapped.
Thats fine. Claire will pick her up after lessons. Ive already arranged it.
Arranged? Without me? James, whats happening?
I tried to keep my voice steady. Nothing, really. Its just that Claires coming for a week. She needs a quiet room; she cant stand any noise. And Grace has been blaring music all morning.
Claire? She could stay in a hotel, or even on the couch!
James finally looked at me. In his eyes I saw a chill I hadnt noticed beforeindifference.
Its my house, James, bought with my money. I decide who lives here.
My house, I whispered, the words feeling foreign.
He snapped, My house. I own it.
For twentythree years Id tended this flat: raising Grace, cooking, cleaning, waiting for him to come home from his job at the firm. And now he packed my things as if I were a tenant about to be evicted.
How long? I asked, voice trembling. How long am I supposed to stay with Mum?
Probably a week, maybe two. Claire hasnt decided yet. It depends on how things go.
What things? Shes on holiday!
He slammed the suitcase shut, the lock clicking sharply. Not your business. Pack up, Ill drive you out in an hour.
He left the room, and I sank onto the edge of the bed, staring at that old, scuffed suitcasethe one wed taken on our honeymoon. Back then it had been shiny and new, stuffed with my dresses and his shirts. Now it seemed a symbol of my exile.
Mum met me at the front door, a sour line on her face.
Well, look who finally decided to show up, she said.
Mum, please, I muttered, dragging the suitcase inside.
She snapped, I told you itd end up like this when you married him. I warned you when we bought the flat in his name. You should have listened!
Margaret, now seventytwo, was a woman of strict rules and even stricter judgments. Her mind was still sharp, her tone often harsh.
Ill only stay the night, I said. Just a few hours.
Hah, just a few hours. Ive heard that one before. First a week, then a month, then youre filing for divorce. Your sisters comingremember the one who visited five years ago?
I didnt answer. I retreated to the small bedroom that now served as Mums wardrobe and magazine store, the narrow single bed Id slept on as a teenager still there.
Have a cup of tea, Mum softened. You look pale. No breakfast yet?
Im not hungry.
Ten minutes later I was sitting at the kitchen table with a mug of strong tea and a slice of toast, Mum across from me, eyes fixed on my face.
Somethings happened, she said. He wouldnt just throw you out.
He didnt throw me out; he asked to stay with you.
Im seventytwo, but I havent lost my mind. Men dont kick wives out without a reasoninfidelity or money trouble.
He doesnt have a lover.
How do you know? Hes at work from dawn till dusk. Have you checked his phone?
Mum!
Youre naïve, dear. Always have been.
I finished my tea and stood. I need to fetch Grace. She leaves at three.
James promised to pick her up.
Ill get her myself.
Grace, fifteen, was a mirror of me: chestnut hair, grey eyes, that stubborn set to her mouth. She came out of school laughing with friends, but when she saw me, her face fell.
Mum? Wheres Dad? He was supposed to pick me up.
Ive decided to take you, I said, hugging her shoulders. Lets go for a walk and talk.
We wandered through the autumn park, I trying to explain that I would be staying with Mum for a while, that Aunt Claire was arriving, that it was only temporary.
He kicked you out, Grace said bluntly.
Its not that
Dad kicked you out, and us both.
Grace, dont say that.
She turned to me, eyes fierce.
How else should I speak? The truth? Ive noticed hes acting strange for a monthhiding his phone, disappearing at night. Did you see anything?
Im not blind or deaf.
Two nights ago, I heard him talking for an hour in the bathroom, laughing. It sounded… like a lovers laugh.
My knees gave way.
What was he talking about?
I didnt catch the words, just the tone. He laughed. When was the last time you heard him laugh like that?
I shook my head. I truly couldnt remember.
Later at Mums flat, we found Margaret had already made two beds, set the table, and was humming about a new film on love.
I love beetroot soup, potatoes and meatballs, she announced. After dinner well watch a proper romance.
Id rather stay in my room and do my homework, Grace muttered, dropping her bag.
Homework? On a day off? You should be relaxing!
Grace slipped away to another room, leaving Mum and me alone.
She understands everything, Margaret whispered. You cant hide anything from her.
We ate in silence. The soup was thick and hearty, exactly what Mum could make. I forced down each spoonful, feeling the weight of every bite.
Call him, Mum said suddenly. Ask how hes doing, mention the sister. Let him know you havent given up.
I dont want to call.
You must. A man left unsupervised will do whatever he wants.
I didnt call that night or the next. I went through the motionshelping Mum, picking Grace up from school, trying to keep my head above water.
On the third day, my old friend Sarah rang.
Nat, where have you disappeared to? Ive called you a hundred times!
Sorry, my phone was on silent.
Is it true James is seeing some other woman?
What? Where did you hear that?
My friend Claire saw them at the new restaurant on Park Street. She says they were holding hands, kissing, even.
The Park Street place? The one that costs an arm and a leg?
I hung up, hands shaking. The truth was sinking in: Mum was right, Grace was right. He had someone else.
Mum, can I go back home? I need to collect something.
Mum stared at me for a long moment.
Go. Just dont cause a scene. Find out whats happening first.
On the bus, I tried to steady my thoughts. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe Sarah misread. Deep down I knew it was real.
When I arrived, a sleek white foreign car was parked outside. I fumbled with my keys, my fingers trembling. The hallway smelled of expensive perfume Id never worn. Laughter drifted from the living rooma woman’s laugh.
I slipped off my shoes and walked toward the slightly ajar door.
There, on the couch, sat a young woman with long blonde hair, barefoot in a white robe, a glass of wine in one hand and fruit on a plate.
James was beside her, his hand resting lightly on her arm, whispering something that made her giggle.
You promised she wouldnt be back before a week, the woman said softly.
He wont be back, Ive checked. Shes staying with your mother.
And the daughter?
Shes there too. Dont worry, love.
I stood frozen, the word traitor echoing in my mind.
What will you tell her? the woman asked.
Soon. First I need to sort the property papers so she cant claim anything.
She kissed James on the cheek.
I turned and fled, my heart pounding. The keys clanged as I slipped on my shoes.
Nat? James called from the doorway, surprised.
I didnt look back. I slammed the door, rushed down the stairs, my husbands shouts fading behind me. I burst onto the street, gasping for air, tears blurring everything. Strangers glanced my way, but I couldnt care.
I didnt get home until nightfall. Mum met me at the door, eyes wide with concern.
What happened?
I slipped into the bedroom, stripped off my coat, and lay on the bed. Grace peeked in, but Mum waved her away.
An hour later there was a frantic knock at the front door. Margaret opened it, only to hear Jamess frantic voice on the other side.
Nat, we need to talk, he insisted.
She turned away, She wont speak to you.
Ill ask myself.
He pushed past her, entered the flat. I lay there, staring at the ceiling.
Nat, lets talk, he said, sitting on the edge of the bed.
Leave.
This isnt what you think.
Is it? Explain yourself, James. Ive heard everythingabout the paperwork, about a lover, about you planning to keep the house for yourself.
He tried to explain that Claire was just a work colleague, that the woman in the robe was a temporary assistant named Lucy, helping with some documents, that the wine was just a celebratory toast for a deal.
I cut him off. Twentythree years, James. I raised our daughter, kept this flat, and you treat me like a nuisance.
He stood, pacing. I met Lucy six months ago. We clicked. I didnt plan anything, it just happened.
It just happened? After twentythree years, you decide to throw me out for a woman who?
Margaret, standing in the doorway, interjected, Shes young and pretty, James. Thats all you care about.
You have no right to involve me, Margaret! James shouted.
Your daughter is my granddaughter, Margaret snapped. You cant decide who lives where without us.
I said quietly, I own half the house. Its joint property, even if the title is in your name.
He laughed, Prove it. Do you have the money for a solicitor? Time for a court battle?
I had no money. I hadnt worked in a decade.
Margaret sighed, Maybe were being harsh, Nat. Youve given so much to that house.
I felt a cold resolve settle over me.
Enough, I told Grace later, Im tired of being told what to do.
She looked at me, eyes bright with a maturity beyond her years. What will you do?
Ill quit fighting for a house I cant have and focus on you.
The next morning I dressed up, put on my best coat and a sensible pair of heels, and told Mum I was off to see a solicitor. Sarah had given me the name of a decent family law solicitor, Maria Parker, who offered a free initial consultation.
Maria listened, took notes, and said, This is a classic case. Even if the title is in his name, a property bought during marriage is considered marital assets. You have a strong claim, especially with a minor child involved.
I have no money for court fees.
The first meeting is free. If we win, hell have to pay the costs.
A sliver of hope sparked.
When I returned home, Grace was waiting with tears in her eyes. Dad called. He said if I dont leave the house hell try to take away his parental rights.
What? I heard Mum gasp.
He says Im an unfit mother, that hell have us split.
Margaret tried to reassure, He wont dare.
But I knew he could.
That night I lay awake, weighing the house against my daughters future. In the morning I called James.
Ill give the house to you, I said, voice steady.
He was silent for a moment, then replied, Smart move. Ill arrange child support for Grace.
I dont need your support. Just leave us alone.
He hung up.
Mum stared, shocked. What have you done?
I chose my daughter over a roof.
She shook her head, Its your right, Nat, but what a loss.
I didnt feel loss, only relief. I started looking for work. At fortyfive, with a lapsed career, the options were thin, but a shop assistant position opened at a local boutique. The pay was modest, but it was a start.
The first weeks were exhaustingstanding on my feet, dealing with demanding customers, a boss who liked to micromanage. Yet each day I grew a little stronger, a little more confident.
Mum hugged me when I brought home my first pay slip. Im proud of you, love.
Grace helped around the house, did well at school, and even said, Mum, I like it here. It feels cosy, and the three of us get on well.
Three months later I was promoted to senior sales assistant, my salary rose, and I began saving for a small flat of my own.
One afternoon the boutiques front door opened and in walked James, arminarm with Lucy, still in that white robe, browsing dresses. Lucy tried on a dress, twirling before the mirror, James watching admiringly.
I approached them with a professional smile.
Good afternoon, can I help you find something?
James paled. Nat? You work here now?
Yes, I replied calmly. What can I do for you?
Lucy glanced at me, expecting to see a broken woman, but I was composed, dressed neatly, confidence evident.
You look great in that dress, I said to Lucy. If youre after a sleeker look, a size down would show off your figure better.
Lucy blushed, thanked me, and left with the dress. James lingered, eyes flickering with something like regret.
That evening I told Mum and Grace about the encounter.
How did it feel? Grace asked.
Strange, but I was fine. I wasnt the broken one any more.
Mum nodded, Thats the right attitude. Let it go.
Twentythree years with a man who never valued me ended with a door closing. The house Id poured my life into is gone, but I gained freedom, work I enjoy, the love of my mother and daughter, and most importantly, a sense of myself I thought was lost. I am finally, at last, Nat again.
