28October2025
Ive always felt that, at my age, I should have a clearer picture of why Im still on my own. Im not twentysomething any more, not even thirty, and yet the loneliness clings to me like an old coat I cant shed.
Lucy burst into my flat with that familiar mixture of worry and sarcasm, Emma, whats wrong with me? Am I too clingy? Do I smell? Maybe Im just a bore. She kept asking what was wrong with me, why I was single while everyone else seemed to have someonetall, short, drunk, handsome, plaineach with a life of their own. Whats my fault? she went on.
She whispered about a legend her grandmother used to tell, something about a maidens crown, a curse that kept a woman forever unattached. Are we living in the Middle Ages? I laughed, but Lucy didnt stop. My thirdcousins aunt removed that crown, she claimed, and then promised to call her sister Nora, the one who had supposedly lifted it.
Ten minutes later Lucy was rambling into the phone, halfmumbling about Noras upcoming wedding, the endless stream of gifts shed have to buy, and an address she wanted me to drive to. I shrugged and, despite my better judgment, agreed to go.
When I arrived, the old woman who had sent me therean eccentric herbalist from the outskirts of Manchesterspun a tale that left me bewildered. Youve been choosing the wrong men, she said, listing three past partners: the first, a charming rogue who vanished with a child in his mind; the second, a man who simply wasnt right for me; the third, a phantom who never existed. Your true love will appear when youre not looking, she warned, but he wont be whole. Trust him; hell bring you a happiness youve never known.
She even instructed me to pass on a herbal tea to a friend who needed a doctors visit, as if the conversation were a script written years ago. Desperate for any hope of a lasting romance, I kept coming back to the old woman, clinging to her words like a lifeline.
The third man I met slipped my mind entirelymy memory of the herbalists prophecy faded. He was kind to my daughter, Lily, and to me, but something always seemed to pull him away, as if a shadow hurried him off.
Then I noticed the empty flat next door to mine, the one that had been vacant for ages. When I finally moved in with Lily, my neighbour, Aunt Kat, mentioned that the owner was a nightshift worker who only stopped by to drop things off. One afternoon, curiosity got the better of me and I glanced through the ajar doorthere was a man wallpapering the walls. I slipped out quietly, assuming the owner had simply returned.
The first real encounter with him, Yuri, happened a week later in the hallway. The doors in our building were oddly designed: opening one would lock the other, forcing you to close the first before the second could be used. Id rushed to work, tried to open the door, and it wouldnt budge. My neighbour apologised, closed his flat, and I heard soft footsteps retreat. Another time, I blocked his exit, and later he let me in first.
Our friendship grew slowly. He helped Kristine lift her bicycle, I baked scones for him, and at a park we discovered his son, about the same age as Lilys friend, who quickly became playmates. After six months, Yuri asked me out, introduced me to his family, and we began living together.
Before moving in, he opened up about his past. Emma, Im not a twentyyearold fool. Im a grown man with my own opinions and habits. I promise if you stay with me I wont cheat, Ill do the household work, Ill earn a living, I dont drink or smoke. I have no bad habits. He confessed, almost painfully, that he couldnt love passionately because his heart had once been broken by a girl hed loved in his youth. Ive tried to push her out of my thoughts for years, but it never worked. Ive dated other womenbeautiful, clever onesyet none felt right. He wondered if I should have talked to her, the one whod left him feeling a friend rather than a lover. He recounted how his exwife, after separating, told him shed always seen him as a brother.
When I asked why hed left Inna, he said simply, I didnt love her. Her response was indifferent: Shes nice, smart, funwhats the problem? That was the moment I realised hed been trying to force love where there was none, and that his marriage had been a surrender to a lifelong punishment rather than a choice.
Now, a year later, my life with Yuri feels steady. His familyloud, cheerful, and welcomingaccepted Lily and me without a hint of pity. I feared being seen as a substitute, but those fears melted away. I never regretted saying yes to Yuri; hes dependable, and together we solved the problems that once seemed insurmountable. Occasionally, a stray glance from him catches me off guard, hinting at memories of someone else, but it never disrupts our life.
There are moments when I wonder if its unfair to myself to settle for a love that isnt the fireworks I once imagined. Yet, when I place my hand over my heart, I recognise that many women dream of a partner who might change, and I, too, have grown to love this mannot the perfect romantic hero, but a solid, reliable husband.
Yesterday, Yuri was washing the kitchen windows. Spring sunlight poured in, warming the room. He sang softly to himself as he worked, and when he turned to me, his eyes lingered with a tenderness I hadnt felt in years. He danced a little, spinning around the sill, and whispered, Emma, you have no idea how wonderful this feels. He kissed me, and for a moment I believed he truly understood how much I meant to him.
The old herbalists words echo in my mind: sometimes you have to wait. Maybe thats the only magic she ever gave mea reminder that patience can turn a lonely night into a quiet, contented dawn.
Good morning, dear diary. May anyone still searching for love feel it fluttering at their window, and may those who have found it cherish it forever.
