Dear Diary,
Emily, why should we have a child? my wife asked one evening. Were perfectly happy as we are. A baby means sleepless nights, endless diapers, a body that wont fit into the dresses I love. Do we really need that? Lets postpone parenthood for another six years.
When James and Emily first married, everything felt like a fairytale. After a while, however, James started nudging her toward motherhood. Emily tried to stall, but eventually she flatly declared she didnt want to hear the word children any more. Our oncesmooth relationship began to crack; arguments flared, and James resorted to lowgrade manipulation. In the last few months Emily kept repeating:
James, what good is a bundle of drool and sniffles? Nighttime wakeups, those massive cloth diapers, a postbaby body that looks like a cow after calving, and constant exhaustion. And thats just the tip of the iceberg! I dont want to waste my youth on that. Lets wait a bit longer.
Those words hit James like a thunderclap. Before we wed, Emily had dreamed of a big family and assured me:
Of course, love, well have lots of childrenat least three! But not right away. Lets settle in first, get our flat and car sorted, and then well think about babies.
Five years later Emily suddenly announced she wasnt ready for children yet. I, who have always wanted an heir, tried to convince her that the time was long overdue:
Emily, weve been together eight years, five of them married. We have a flat in Manchester, a decent car, a good salary, and even a savings pot earmarked for maternity leave. What are we waiting for?
She snarled, Why now? I have plans, ambitions I still want to chase. A baby just doesnt fit into my schedule. Arent we fine as a couple? We have everything we need. Why do we need a third person?
I retorted, What do you mean third person? Are you treating the child like a stranger? When will you be ready?
She exploded, Its easy for you to talk! You wont be the one with nine months of morning sickness, the one battling postpregnancy weight. Ive spent five years at the gym! Now you want me to give that up? After a baby Ill lose friends, shopping trips, a normal life for five years. Why should I sacrifice all that?
I tried to reassure her, Everyone does it. The child will grow, and youll get back to your hobbies. Ill help with everything.
She begged, Lets revisit this in five or six years. Im not ready now. Its my body, and I wont let it be ruined.
At first I tried softer tactics. We watched feelgood films about happy families, strolled through parks near playgrounds, even visited my sisterinlaws newborn fourth child. Yet Emily showed no enthusiasm; she recoiled from touching the infant, as if the maternal instinct were missing entirely.
When all gentle approaches failed, I set an ultimatum:
Emily, if you truly dont want children, were not meant for each other. Lets separate and go our own ways. Youll find someone who shares your view, and I wont be left alone.
She froze. She worked from home, and I helped with the bills. Divorce would mean a new job hunt, a new flat, and financial strain.
James, please dontwhat divorce? Are you ready to lose everything over this?
I grew up in a full familybrothers, sisters. A childless marriage feels empty. I asked you about kids before we married, you said yes. Now you hide behind the fear of gaining a few pounds. Its absurd!
She pleaded, Cant we just enjoy life? A child is a massive expense. Id have to give up my travel, my shopping, my freedom. Id be tied to the house 24/7, sleepless, exhausted. Im not prepared for that.
I shouted, Ill hire a nanny, a housekeeper, ask our parents for help! The problem isnt money; its your attitude. Theres not a single flicker of tenderness in your eyes. Tell me what you truly want, what future you see for us.
Emily could not admit that children never featured in her plans. She wanted a carefree life, splurging on holidays and designer goods, and she expected a husband to foot the bill. Though she still cared for me, finances were high on her list.
Even her aunt chimed in, Emily, youre disgraceful! Remember youre married! Stop slumming in pubs while James works. Stop embarrassing the family!
Im not doing anything wrong, Emily retorted. James knows where I go. When the weekends come Im home. Give me advice instead of scolding. We argue constantly about children. He wants them, I dont. Why now? Could you speak to him?
The aunt snapped, I wont! Hes right. Its time you had a baby, then youll think straight!
Determined to keep control of her body, Emily pretended to agree to my terms. One night she tossed a pack of wipes on the table and declared:
Fine, James, Ill have a babyprovided a nanny does all the raising and I get to continue my life.
I believed her. Meanwhile she secretly took contraceptive pills and visited a dubious doctor who advised patience, saying many couples who wait eventually conceive naturally.
Six months later the test came back positivetwo lines. Emily froze. What now? Give birth and ruin the life shed built?
James barged into the bathroom, spotted the test, and shouted with joy:
Emily! Youre pregnant! Ill be a father! This is the best day of my life! He lifted her into his arms and spun her around, laughing.
We celebrated at a restaurant in Leeds. A new ring glittered on Emilys finger, I sat opposite her in a crisp suit, repeatedly promising, Well be the best parents. Youll never want for anything. Thank you, love.
That night Emily lay awake, the image of my smiling face haunting her. Dark thoughts crept in:
Could a child truly improve our life? Am I just afraid of change? I could lose weight, stay fitwomen manage it. Its my partners child, after all For the first time in years her heart fluttered with a feeling shed never known.
Nine months flew by. I carried Emilys cravings, chose the maternity ward, attended parenttobe classes together. She leaned on me, yet the fear of labour never left her.
When the due date arrived, Emily gave birth to a healthy boy. As the midwife placed him on her chest, she saw his tiny, creased faceso like minethat made her giggle. All her doubts melted away.
My boy, she whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks.
We named him Samuel. From day one Emily immersed herself in motherhoodbreastfeeding, lullabies, park walks. She even grew jealous when I held Sam. Each evening by his crib she asked herself, How was I ever so foolish not to see this happiness earlier?
Looking back, I realise that insisting on a rigid timetable cost us precious time and peace. The lesson Ive learned is that love isnt about forcing a future you both dread; its about listening, compromising, and accepting that lifes most rewarding chapters often begin when you least expect them.
