Not a mother, but a cuckooyou ask, where are you off to? Im askingwhats gotten into you?
A sudden shout from his brother snaps Eleanor out of her morning doze. She props herself up on her elbows on the narrow bed in the spare room, straining to hear whats beyond the thin wall. For two weeks now shes been staying with her older brother Matthew while she hunts for a job and a flat in Manchester. The move was tough, but there was no other choiceher hometown offers no prospects.
A sharp cry of a baby erupts from the next room. Fourmonthold Oliver has woken up after his parents argument. Eleanor winces and sits on the edge of the bed, pulling her robe tighter.
I have an interview, Lena, Matthews wife, murmurs from the hallway.
An interview? Are you out of your mind? Matthew raises his voice. Youve got a newborn! What work could you possibly do? Your place is here, with the baby!
Eleanor waits for Lenas reply, but the apartment falls silent except for Olivers wails. Then the front door slams shut. Lena has gone.
Eleanor slips out of the room and heads to the kitchen. Matthew stands in the middle of the room, awkwardly rocking the squalling infant in his arms. Anger and helplessness flicker across his face.
Always the same, he mutters, noticing Eleanor. She ditches the child and runs off to her own affairs.
Eleanor quietly takes the nephew from Matthews arms. The baby gradually settles, pressing his cheek against her shoulder. Matthew slumps heavily into a chair, his palms rubbing his face.
Lenas lost her mind, he continues, staring into nothing. How can she leave a little one and think about a job? At least my holiday has started, so I can look after Oliver.
Eleanor rocks the sleepy infant, weighing his words.
Matt, maybe you should talk to Lena? Calmly, without shouting, Eleanor suggests softly. She might have problemspostnatal depression is common. She could need professional help.
Matthew waves her off as if swatting a fly.
No depression! Lenas always been a free spirit, a careerchaser. I hoped shed settle after the baby, become a proper mother. She shows no sign of changing. She doesnt even care about the child!
Eleanor wants to argue, but stays quiet. Oliver finally drifts off, and she gently places him in the cot.
Lena returns only at night. Eleanor is tucking Oliver in when she hears the lock click. The daughterinlaw passes the nursery without looking inside. Eleanor steps into the hallway and sees Lena silently preparing dinner in the kitchen. Matthew sits in the living room before the TV, deliberately not speaking to his wife.
The atmosphere in the flat becomes unbearable. Eleanor rushes to her own room and dials her mother.
Mum, this is happening, she whispers into the phone, recounting the days events.
Her mother sighes heavily on the other end.
Yes, dear, Lena has been like that since the baby was born. Matthew has complained to me many times. It seems her motherly instinct never switched on. Poor boy, how hard it is for him. I cant even imagine how the baby feels with a live motherhe senses everything
Afterwards Eleanor lies in bed for a long time, unable to grasp how it could be so. She remembers Lena before pregnancysweet, kind, helpful. Matthew adored her. Now she is cold toward her own child and husband. Something is terribly wrong.
Lena frequently leaves the house. The daughterinlaw disappears from morning till night, leaving Matthew alone with the infant. Matthew takes Oliver to the shop, on walks, trying to juggle childcare and chores. Eleanor helps as best she can, but she knows this cant go on forever.
A week later Lena comes home with bright eyes. For the first time Eleanor sees a hint of a smile on her face.
Ive got a job, Lena announces at dinner.
Matthew freezes, spoon halfway to his mouth, his face turning a shade of red.
Are you joking? he growls. You have a fourmonthold! You should be looking after him, not running to offices!
Lena answers coldly:
This is my life.
Matthew leaps from his seat.
Youre selfish! You only think of yourself! Thats wrong! Youre a mother; your place is beside the child!
Eleanor watches Lena withdraw into herself. The daughterinlaw stands silently and retreats to the bedroom. They never see her again that evening.
The next day Eleanor and Matthew take Oliver for a walk in the park. Matthew pushes the pram ahead, still complaining.
See how she treats him? Hes her own son and she doesnt care, Matthew says, looking at the sleeping baby. She never picks him up again, never kisses, never hugs. What kind of mother is that? Not a mother, but a cuckoo!
Eleanor stays silent, unsure what to say. She feels sorry for her brother, but something inside tells her the story isnt as simple as it seems.
They return home a few hours later. The flat is oddly quiet. Eleanor flicks on the hallway light.
Lena? You home? she calls.
Silence. She walks through the roomsempty kitchen, empty lounge. Matthew, still holding Oliver, heads toward the bedroom. Eleanor hears him gulp sharply. She hurries to him.
Matthew stands before an opened wardrobe. Half the shelves are bare. Lenas belongings are gone.
Shes gone he exhales hoarsely.
He collapses onto the bed, still cradling the baby, his shoulders trembling.
Ungrateful! After everything Ive done for her! he yells. I gave her everythingflat, love, marriage, a child! And she just walked out!
Eleanor sits beside him, trying to calm him. Inside her, a bad foreboding tightens.
Matt, what could have driven her to that? Tell me honestly what happened between you two.
Matthew lifts his reddened eyes to his sister, pauses, then speaks slowly.
The pregnancy was an accident, he finally admits. Lena didnt want a child. She said she wasnt ready, wanted to focus on her career. I pushed her, said we were both thirty, it was time to settle, have a family. She agreed, but after the birth she never loved him. I hoped motherhood would awaken her feelings, that shed bond with the baby, but she just drifted further away.
Eleanor watches him, eyes wide open. The picture she had built of Lena shatters in an instant. She had thought the daughterinlaw was simply being capricious, but the truth is far darker. Lena was essentially forced into a pregnancy she never wanted.
Matt Eleanor can only manage a whisper.
A few days later Matthews holiday ends. He goes back to work, effectively shifting Olivers care onto Eleanor. She doesnt objecther nephew isnt responsible for his parents fights.
A week passes. One morning Matthew bursts in, waving a stack of papers.
Shes filing for divorce! he shouts. And she wants to renounce her parental rights to Oliver! She said on the phoneIf I wanted the child, Ill look after him myself! I have a job, a flat, I can manage. She doesnt need any of it!
Eleanor rocks the nephew in silence, listening to Matthews tirade. Each day she understands Lena a little more.
The following week Eleanor almost singlehandedly cares for the baby. Matthew comes home from work, has dinner, then collapses onto the bed. On weekends he sleeps or watches TV. All the other chores fall to Eleanor. She starts to see why Lena ran away. Matthew does absolutely nothing at home, never helps, only demands.
Finally Eleanor receives good news. She lands a job. She finds a modest onebedroom flat not far from the office. Shes ready to move out of the house. Matthew doesnt like the news.
Youre abandoning us too! What about Oliver? Who will look after him? How can you just leave?
Eleanor looks at her brother calmly. She knows her words will hurt him, but she repeats Lenas own line:
You wanted the child, Matt. So look after him yourself. Dont shift the responsibility onto others.
Eleanor stands in her new flat, arranging her belongings on the shelves. The silence feels soothing after weeks of infant cries and Matthews shouting. She pulls out a photograph from a boxa childhood picture of her and Matthew, both beaming. She runs a finger over it, thinking about how even the closest people can turn out to be selfish. The brother she once idolised turned out to be an egoist who shattered his wifes life. And Lena, whom everyone condemned, was simply protecting herself.
She places the photograph on the shelf and turns away. A new life lies ahead. Her own life, at last.
