I never imagined, at twenty, what life would throw at me. I was doing my degree in Manchester, head over heels for James, already dreaming about our wedding because we were already chatting about it.
James was a few years older, hed done his National Service before we met at the schools autumn prom when I was in my final year. Even though we lived in the same town and went to the same school, hed finished a couple of years before me.
Wow, whos that gorgeous bloke? I thought when I first saw James. He walked in, scanned the room, caught my eye and flashed a grin. I fell for him instantly he was just so different from any other guy.
Hey, Im James. Whats your name? he asked, a little shy, cheeks flushing pink. May I have this dance? he said, taking my waist, and we spun around.
Emily I whispered.
I felt like I was floating, my feet barely touching the floor. James held me steady, leading every step, and I could feel every move he made.
Emily, youve got a natural feel for this, he smiled.
He stuck by my side the whole night. We promised hed see me home afterward, and we lingered, not wanting to part, though I knew I should get back Mum would be worrying.
James never let a dull moment slip by. After school I went to university here, while James took a job. He never seemed to know the word boredom; his upbeat vibe lifted everyone around him. He had a big circle of mates, and I often joined them at weddings and parties.
Even in the dead of winter hed bring me roses. Every date felt like a little celebration. Wed hang out in cafés, head out to the countryside, or just chill with friends.
When I was in my third year, James surprised me.
For the Christmas break, Ive booked us two tickets to a ski resort. Well get you on the slopes; the instructors are topnotch and will have you shredding in no time, he said.
Yay, James! Youre the best, I squealed, hugging his neck. Then I laughed and added, Oh, Im a bit of a scaredycat on the ski lift, you didnt know that, did you? He just laughed with me.
The trip was unforgettable. I picked up skiing quickly and loved it, though I wished the magic would never end. A few weeks later, on International Womens Day, James turned up at our flat with two bouquets of roses.
Happy Womens Day, he said, handing one to my mum and the other to me. For my beautiful girl, he whispered, planting a kiss on my cheek. I was over the moon.
My love, why are you spending so much? my mum asked, a little shocked at the cost.
Im heading out with Sam and Victor to pick up a summer job. They need electricians for a highvoltage line good pay, enough to fund our wedding and a car, James replied.
I dont want you to go, I protested. Ill miss you.
Its only three or four months. Well stay in touch, and Im dead set on giving us a proper wedding. You want that too, right?
I do, but a modest ceremony would be fine. Its not the fancy stuff, its just us together, I said, trying not to sound too sad.
James was already set on a big day, so I couldnt dissuade him. He left with his mates, the pay was solid, and we talked on the phone a lot.
One afternoon, during a lecture, a strange unease washed over me, then passed. The night before, wed been on the phone, so I didnt expect a call from him later. My heart felt off, so I dialed him anyway, but his phone just rang silently. My pulse hammered in my temples.
Why isnt James answering? I thought, dialing five times, but only silence.
I grabbed my mate Victors number, called him, and sighed with relief when he answered.
Victor, wheres James? I asked.
A familiar voice crackled, Hes hes not here anymore.
What do you mean? I panicked, hearing only a harsh click.
Mum! I shouted, tears flooding my face.
The next day I learned James had been electrocuted on that highvoltage pole. His mother, Margaret, was devastated, her face ashen, barely speaking. His dad and younger brother, Tom, rushed back from the site. The funeral, the wake a blur of darkness and endless grief.
I was numb, barely getting through each day. I visited Margaret often, usually sitting in silence. Sometimes wed drive to the cemetery together.
Margaret wouldnt let me go. She kept asking me to stay, especially now that summer was here and I had a break. Wed wander through churches, share tea.
One day, why dont we head to the coast? she suggested one morning.
I agreed, even though the thought of going without James felt odd. Still, I needed a change. So we booked a week at a seaside town.
We arrived, soaked up the sun, and rested in our room after lunch. Margaret seemed a little steadier. I lay awake, scrolling on my phone, while she dozed off. Life buzzed around us, but I felt utterly alone.
I walked down to the promenade, the sea meeting the sky in the distance. A tiny boat bobbed far out, gulls shrieked, traffic roared, kids shouted, couples laughed. Everything pulsed with life, yet I felt detached.
Beautiful but sad, a voice said beside me.
I turned to see a young man, his smile familiar. I wanted to snap back sharply, but I didnt. Something about him reminded me of James, though I couldnt pinpoint what.
Luck doesnt always smile on the pretty ones, I replied sadly.
I disagree, he answered. Im Glyn, by the way.
Emily, I said, and after a few more words, I turned and walked away. Glyn watched me go. Hed been spotting me for days, feeling sorry that I spent most of my time with Margaret.
He was determined to learn more about me, drawn to the quiet sorrow in my eyes. Hed been watching from the beach, wondering what kept me so down.
Two days left before I left. Margaret slept after the beach walk. I decided to pop into a shop, and as I stepped out, I bumped into Glyn again. He grabbed the bag of groceries from my hands.
Let me help, if you dont mind, he said, instantly switching to you.
Help if youd like, I replied.
Emily, I need to talk. Ive got a serious thing to ask, if thats okay, he said, pointing to a little café next to the supermarket.
Im leaving in three days, he mentioned, and you?
Im heading back tomorrow night. Weve got our tickets.
Ah, I thought where do you live? I told him the town, and he looked surprised.
No way, I live there too, he grinned. Looks like we wont get lost on each other.
Hed just finished university, worked for a design office in the council, and was single after a rough breakup. Hed come down to the coast to clear his head and, meeting me, felt an instant spark.
I told him about Jamess death and Margarets clinginess. He was taken aback.
Why are you staying with his mum? Usually families step back after a sons passing, he said. Ive never heard of that.
I dont know either. I just dont want to hurt her, I answered.
We swapped numbers and arranged to meet back in Manchester. I was about to leave when Margaret realized Id vanished and looked annoyed.
Emily, where have you been?
Just went shopping, then walked around. Nothing else, I muttered.
Being with Margaret was getting heavy, almost unbearable. My own mum kept urging me to free myself from that weight, saying, Stop visiting his mum all the time. Yet I couldnt just abandon her; Id already gone to the sea with her.
I finally told Margaret I needed a fresh start, that Id be moving back home soon. She gave me a strange look, then said:
So youre starting a new life Of course, you have your whole future ahead. To me, youre like family. I thought maybe you were pregnant, after all those years with James. I have a son too, maybe you could be a mother to him
I snapped, No, I dont need anyone, especially not Jamess brother. She burst into tears the first since the funeral and I felt a strange relief.
I decided then that my new life wouldnt include Margaret. The thought of her lingering presence felt suffocating.
Home, home, echoed in my head. Maybe it was a blessing that Id met Glyn he opened my eyes to what was possible.
A new academic year began. Glyn and I grew closer, and one day I visited Jamess grave alone.
Goodbye, James, I whispered. I was so happy with you. Thank you for everything. You left too soon, but I have to keep living. Im different now, starting a new life without you.
I left the cemetery and saw Glyn waiting in his car. With him, life felt brighter. I saw Margaret only occasionally, if we crossed paths.
Soon enough, I married Glyn and we were expecting our first child. It felt like a brandnew chapter, finally yours.
