I still recall the moment I finally said Id had enough of shouldering everyones burdens. Im done carrying all of you on my back! Not a single penny morefeed yourselves however you like! I shouted, freezing the familys bank cards.
I pushed open the flats front door and was immediately met by the low murmur drifting from the kitchen. My husband, James, was there with his mother, Martha, who had arrived that morning and, as always, turned the kitchen into her headquarters.
Whats the story with the telly? James asked.
Its an old clunker, his mother complained. The picture is dreadful, the sound keeps dropping out. It should have been replaced ages ago.
I slipped off my shoes and stepped into the room. Martha sat at the table nursing a mug of tea; James was fiddling with his phone.
Ah, Eleanors here, James said, brightening. We were just talking about Mums TV.
What happened to it? I asked, already weary.
Its practically dead. We need a new one, Martha said.
James set his phone down and fixed his gaze on me. You always sort things like this. Buy Mum a TV. We dont feel like dipping into our own money.
I paused, halfway out of my coat, as if hed asked me to fetch a loaf of bread. I dont feel like it either. Do you? I replied evenly.
Well, you have a good job and earn a decent wage, James said. My salarys modest.
I frowned, studying his face to see if he was serious. He was, his expression radiating the quiet confidence of a man convinced he was right. James, Im not a bank, I said slowly.
Oh, come on, he waved it off. Its just one TV.
I pulled a chair in and sat down. My mind raced through the past few months. Who paid the rent? Me. Who bought the groceries? Me. Who covered the utilities? Me again. Plus the medication for Marthas blood pressure and aching joints, and the renovation loan shed taken outshed stopped paying after three months, and Id taken over the instalments.
Remember something? James prodded.
I remembered whos been paying for everything in this family for the past two years.
Martha sighed and interjected. Eleanor, youre the lady of the house; the responsibility is yours. Is it really so hard to buy Jamess mother a TV? Its a purchase for the family.
For the family? I echoed. Where is this family whenever a bill arrives?
Its not that we do nothing, James objected. I work, and Mum helps around the house.
What help? I blinked. Martha comes over for tea and to list her ailments.
Martha bristled. What do you mean just to talk? I give you advice on how to run a family properly.
Advice on how Im supposed to support everyone?
Well, who else would? James asked, genuinely puzzled. Youve got steady work and a good income.
I studied him. He truly believed it was normal for his wife to bear the whole household on her back. And what do you do with your paycheck? I asked.
I save it, James said. For a rainy day.
For what kind of rainy day?
You never knowcrisis, layoffs. You need a safety cushion.
And wheres my safety cushion?
You have a reliable job; they wont fire you.
Maybe its time you and your mother decide for yourselves what to buyand with what money, I said calmly.
James smirked. Why talk like that? You manage money so well. We already try not to burden you with extras.
Not burden me? Heat rose in my cheeks. James, do you really think youre not a burden?
Its not like we ask for something every day, his mother jumped in. Only when its truly necessary.
Is a TV truly necessary?
Of course! How can you live without one? The news, the programmes.
You can watch everything online.
I dont understand the internet, Martha cut in. I need a proper TV.
The conversation looped. To both James and his mother, it seemed selfevident that I must bankroll everything, while they pinched every last penny for themselves.
Alright, I said. How much is this TV you want?
You can get a decent one for four thousand pounds, James brightened. A big screen with internet.
Four thousand pounds, I repeated.
Yeah. Its not that much.
James, do you know how much I pour into our family each month?
Well a lot, I guess.
About seven thousand pounds. Rent, groceries, utilities, your mothers medication, and her loan.
James shrugged. Its family. Thats normal.
And how much do you contribute?
Well sometimes I buy milk. Bread.
James, you spend at most five hundred pounds a month on the household, I said, doing the math. And not even every month.
But Im saving for a rainy day.
Whose rainy day? Yours?
Ours, of course.
Then why is the money in your personal account and not in a joint one?
James said nothing. Martha fell quiet, too.
Eleanor, youre speaking out of turn, the motherinlaw finally ventured. My son provides for the family.
With what? I asked, genuinely baffled. Martha, the last time James bought groceries was six months agoand only because I was ill and asked him.
But he works!
And I work. Except my salary goes to everyone, while his goes only to himself.
Thats how its done, James said, less sure now. The woman manages the household.
Managing the household doesnt mean carrying everyone, I shot back.
So what do you suggest? Martha asked.
I suggest everyone carry their own weight.
How is that supposed to be family? she cried.
What about family? Family means everyone contributes, not one person dragging the rest.
James stared, bewildered. Eleanor, thats a strange way to think. Were husband and wifewe have a joint budget.
Joint? I laughed once. A joint budget is when both people put money into one pot and spend it together. What do we have? I put money in, and you hoard yours.
Not hoardIm saving.
For yourself. Because when moneys needed, youll spend yours on your own needs, not shared ones.
How do you know?
I just do. Right now your mother wants a TV. Youve got four thousand saved. Will you buy it for her?
James hesitated. Well thats my savings.
Exactly. Yours.
Martha tried to steer the conversation. Eleanor, you shouldnt address your husband like that. A man should feel like the head of the family.
And the head of the family should support the familynot live off his wife.
James does not live off you! she protested.
He does. For two years Ive paid the rent, food, utilities, your medication, and your loan. James has been stockpiling money for his personal needs.
Its only temporary, James said defensively. Theres a crisistimes are tough.
James, weve been in a crisis for three years. And every month you shift more onto me.
Im not shifting; Im asking for help.
Help? I gave a short laugh. Have you paid the rent even once in the last six months?
No, but
Did you buy groceries?
Sometimes.
James, buying milk once a month doesnt count.
Well, all right, I didnt. But I work and bring money into the family.
You bring it inand immediately stash it in your personal account.
Im not hiding it; Im saving it for the future.
For your future.
Martha leapt back in. Eleanor, whats gotten into you? You never used to complain.
I used to think it was temporary. That my husband would soon start carrying his share of the family expenses.
And now?
Now I see Ive been treated like a cash cow.
How can you say that! James burst out.
What else do you call it when one person bankrolls everyone and they still expect gifts?
What gifts? A TV is something Mum needs!
James, if your mother needs a TV, your mother can buy it. Or you can buy itfrom your savings.
But her pension is tiny!
And my salarydoes it stretch like rubber?
Well, you can afford it.
I can. I also dont want to.
Silence fell. James and his mother exchanged a look.
What do you mean, you dont want to? he asked, voice low.
I mean Im done being the only one supporting the entire family.
But were a family; were supposed to help each other.
Exactlyeach other. Not one person propping up everyone else.
I rose from the table, feeling how they saw me: a card that should spit out cash on demand.
Where are you going? James asked.
To take care of things.
Without another word, I pulled out my phone and opened the banking app right there at the table. My fingers moved fast I blocked the joint card James used. Then I switched to transfers and began moving all my savings to a new account Id opened a month earlier, just in case.
What are you doing? James asked, suddenly cautious.
Handling my finances, I said crisply.
He tried to glance at my screen, but I tilted it away. Five minutes later, every pound had been shifted to my personal accountone neither my husband nor his mother could touch.
Eleanor, whats happening? James asked, alarmed.
What should have happened long ago.
I opened the card settings and revoked all access but my own. James stared, stunned, not yet grasping the scale of what Id done.
Sensing danger, Martha leapt up. What have you done? Well be left without money!
Youll be left with the money you earn, I replied evenly.
What do you mean, we earn? What about family? What about a joint budget? she shrieked.
Martha, we never had a joint budget. There was my budgetand everyone fed off it.
Youre out of your mind! the older woman shouted. Were a family!
My voice stayed steady. From today we live separately. Im not obliged to fund your whims.
What whims? James protested. These are necessities!
A fourthousandpound TV is a necessity?
For Mumyes!
Then Mum can buy it with her pension. Or you can use your savings.
Martha rushed to her son. Why are you standing there? Put her in her place! Shes your wife!
James muttered something, eyes fixed on the table, avoiding my gaze. He knew I was right but wouldnt say it.
James, I said quietly, do you honestly think I should support your entire family?
Well were husband and wife.
Husband and wife means partnership. Not one person carrying the rest.
But my salary is smaller!
Your salarys smaller, but your savings are biggerbecause you spend them only on yourself.
James fell silent again. Seeing he wouldnt push, Martha lunged forward herself. Eleanor, return the money at once! Im running out of medicine!
Buy it with your own money.
My pension is small!
Ask your son. He has savings.
James, give me money for medicine! she demanded.
He hesitated. Mum, Im saving that for the family.
I am the family! she snapped.
But those are my savings.
You see? I said. When its time to spend, everyones money magically becomes personal.
Realising the seriousness, Martha changed tack. Eleanor, lets talk calmly. Youre a kind woman; youve always helped.
I helpeduntil I realised I was being used.
Youre not being usedyoure appreciated!
Appreciated for whatpaying every bill?
For supporting the family.
Im not supporting a family. Im supporting two ablebodied adults who can work and earn.
The next morning I went to the bank and opened a separate account in my name. I printed statements for the past two years showing where the money had gone: groceries, rent, utilities, medicine, and my motherinlaws loan. It was all on me.
When I got home, I pulled out a large suitcase and began packing Jamess thingsshirts, trousers, socksfolding everything neatly.
What are you doing? James asked when he came home from work.
Packing your things.
Why?
Because you dont live here any more.
What do you mean I dont? This is my flat too!
The flat is in my name. I decide who lives here.
But were husband and wife!
For now, yes. Not for long.
I rolled the suitcase into the hall and held out my palm. The keys.
What keys?
To the flat. All sets.
Eleanor, are you serious?
Absolutely.
Reluctantly James handed them over. I checkedmain set and spare. Does your mother have a set?
Yes, she drops by sometimes.
Call her. Tell her to return them.
Why?
Because Martha no longer has the right to enter my home.
An hour later Martha arrived. She understood instantly when she saw the suitcase in the hallway.
What does this mean? she demanded.
It means your son is moving out.
Moving where? This is his home!
This is my home. And Im done supporting freeloaders.
How dare you! she exploded.
I dare. Hand over the keys.
What keys?
To the flat. I know you have a duplicate.
I wont give them back!
Then Ill call the police.
She raised a fullblown ruckusscreaming that I was tearing the family apart, that you dont treat relatives like that, that shed always thought her daughterinlaw was a good girl.
The good girl is gone, I said calmly, and dialled.
Hello, we need assistance. Former relatives refuse to return my flat keys and are refusing to leave the premises.
Half an hour later two officers arrived. They reviewed the situation and checked the property documents.
Maam, they said to Martha, return the keys and leave the flat.
But my son lives here!
Your son isnt the owner and has no right to dispose of the property.
With witnesses present, the older woman fished the keys from her purse and flung them onto the floor.
Youll regret this! she shouted as she left. Youll end up alone!
Ill be alonewith my own money, I replied.
James silently picked up the suitcase and followed his mother out. At the door he turned.
Eleanor, maybe youll reconsider?
Theres nothing to reconsider.
A week later I filed for divorce. There was hardly any joint property to dividethe flat had always been mine, and the car had been bought with my own money. There was nothing to split.
James called, asked to meet, begged to talk. He promised everything would change, that hed cover all the expenses himself.
Too late, I said. Trust doesnt return.
But I love you!
Do you love meor my wallet?
You, of course!
Then why did you live off me for three years without a flicker of shame?
James had no answer.
The divorce went through quicklyJames didnt contest it; he knew resistance was pointless. The court dissolved the marriage.
For another month Martha rang my phonecrying, threatening, then asking for money for medicine. I listened in silence and hung up.
My blood pressure is up because of you! she complained.
Ask your son to treat youhe has savings.
He says hes sorry to spend the money!
Wonderful. Now you understand how I felt for three years.
Six months later I ran into James at the grocer. He looked worn; his clothes had lost their crispness.
Hi, he said awkwardly.
Hello.
How are you?
Great. You?
Fine Im living with Mum for now.
I see.
You know, I realised I was wrong. I really did dump too much on you.
You realised?
Yes. Now I pay for all of Mums expenses myself, and I see how hard it is.
But you have savings.
I had. I spent them on her medicine and repairs to her flat.
And? Does it hurt to spend it?
I paused, then admitted, It does. A lot.
Now imagine doing that for three straight years.
It hurts. Forgive me.
I already have. It doesnt change anything.
What if I make it right? Become a different man?
James, you only became different when my money disappeared from your life. That isnt changethats pressure.
But Ive learned my lesson!
You learned it only when you had to pay yourself. If Id kept covering everything, youd never have learned anything.
He nodded. I was right.
I have to go, I said, heading to the checkout.
At home I brewed tea and sat by the window with a book. The flat was quietno one demanding money for TVs, medicine, or anything else. The balance in my account belonged solely to me. No one dictated how to spend it.
When Id closed the door behind my exhusband six months earlier, I felt lighter for the first time in years.Now, each sunrise finds me sipping tea, my own wallet humming softly, and the world finally feeling like a place I truly belong to.
