Well, love, this is now your room. Make yourself at home, I said, trying to sound reassuring.
Eleanor took a few tentative steps into the space. The bed was draped in a ridiculous, fluffy duvet. A writing desk stood nearby, its surface occupied by a laptop. A wardrobe with mirrored doors loomed in the corner, and beneath it a rectangular rug with a geometric pattern completed the look. Everything was meticulously arranged, stylish and expensivenothing like the cramped bedroom shed grown up in.
I hauled two large suitcases full of Eleanors belongings into the room and set them next to the wardrobe.
Do you think you can sort it out yourself? I asked, halfjoking.
She stared silently, her shoulders slumped. It felt as though she expected someone elseperhaps her motherto do the heavy lifting.
Gwen, my new wife, appeared with a potted plant bearing long, narrow leaves and set it on the windowsill.
Thought it would look nice up there, she said with a warm smile, fixing her gaze on Eleanor, who remained glum and mute.
Come on, Simon, Gwen whispered, laying a hand on my shoulder and guiding me toward the hallway.
Settle in, she murmured as she gently closed the door behind her.
Eleanors thoughts echoed the words, Settle in, but they sounded hollow. She felt forlorn and out of place. She collapsed onto the bed, turned her back to the wall, curled into a ball, hugged her knees, and shut her eyes.
Mother, mother! Why? We were always together, and now youve left me. Why didnt you go straight to the hospital? You never thought of me! How could it come to this? she sobbed internally.
For the past ten years Eleanor had been a true mums girl. Since my departure shed barely seen me, and evenings with Mumcozy evenings in front of the telly, Mums delicious cakes, and steaming teawere now just memories. Now she was forced to live with strangers. I hardly called her by name; daughter felt impersonal, and even the word dad was a struggle for her to utter.
She imagined that wealthy men, after a divorce, would marry glamorous models, the sort of women who would be perfect for a daughter. Instead, Gwen was younger than me, of average height, with a short haircut, and she ran her own legal practice. She was clever, businesslike, and not at all like Mums warm, homely presence. Our house used to smell of fresh pies and roast dinners; now Gwen often ordered takeaway.
Perhaps she arranged this room for me? Most likely. Father wouldnt have bothered. Eleanor thought, running a hand over the soft, long pile of the duvetsomething shed never experienced before.
At her new school Eleanor quickly made friends, largely because of my money and her striking looks. The girls decided it was better to be pals than rivals. Previously, Eleanors closest confidante had been Mum; now she liked the new crowd, felt understood, and enjoyed the attention of boys, a secret thrill shed never felt before.
At first she truly suffered from the circumstances, and the class took her in as a sort of halforphanforced to live with a distant father and a cold stepmother. Eleanor liked that label and deliberately kept up the act.
She didnt hear one classmate whisper to the boys, Whats she saying about her stepmother? My mums friend works for her and says shes a decent lady.
When Eleanor first came home late, I said, Girl, I know you want to spend time with friends, so I didnt call. But Id like you not to stay out so late. Deal?
She gave no answer and retreated to her room.
The next time they planned a night out, she switched off her phone. At home I waited, a grim expression on my face.
If it happens again, Ill have to take action, I warned.
Eleanor shot me a sharp glance and strutted into her room. Gwen was sitting on the bed; she sprang up the instant Eleanor entered.
I wanted to talk to you, Gwen said.
Eleanor stayed silent, her demeanor screaming, What else do you want? Gwen faltered, losing some of her resolve.
The dads worried about you, she said.
Im almost sixteen! Eleanor snapped.
Nevertheless, she began arriving home on time to avoid upsetting me. Shed planned a sweet sixteen party with friends; a friends older brother had offered a flat for the celebration. Shed met a boy she liked and dreamed of a private evening with him.
Later, I told her, Gwen booked a table for tomorrow. Well celebrate your birthday. If you wish, you can invite your friends.
What? A restaurant? With you two? I was planning to party with my mates! she protested.
And when did you intend to tell me? I asked.
I dont knowmaybe tomorrow, she muttered.
So on the day itself? Fine. If you want friends, you can have them over at ours. Gwen will sort the food, I offered.
A chill ran down Eleanors spine. Everything was already arranged: Maxs brothers flat, the drinks, the music. She imagined being mocked for whining in my house. She left for school, determined to think of a solution.
Later, in the hallway, a harsh light glared. I stood before Eleanor, fury in my voice.
What do you think youre doing? I shouted, stepping closer, catching the scent of alcohol and cigarette smoke on her.
You think you can talk to me like that? I demanded, ready to strike.
Sophie! I called, but it was Gwen who appeared behind me. Eleanor looked up, eyes wide with terror, mascara smeared from recent tears.
Gwen gently pushed me aside, took Eleanors shoulders, and led her to the bedroom.
Tell me, did anyone hurt you? Did something happen? she whispered.
Eleanor shook her head. No, Im fine.
Ill speak with your dad. How can I help? Gwen asked.
Bring me something to drink, she said, turning to me with a tense smile.
Shes alright, Gwen told me, still nervous by the door.
When she returned, Eleanor was already asleep, still in her nightdress.
The smell of alcohol lingered, I muttered, Did you notice?
Of course. Imagine being sixteen again, Gwen replied.
Exactly. Think of your peers. Eleanors not stupid, but her friends now mean more to her than we ever did. Give her space. Her life changed in an instant; perhaps this is how shell cope.
Whats she coping with? She has everythingfood, clothes, a roof. Ill grant any whim she has! I retorted.
Simon! Dont play the fool! She lost her mother. All she needs now is love and attention, which shes seeking from her friends. Something happened todaymaybe a fight? Gwen prompted.
I dont know, I said, slumping. I never imagined it would be this hard.
Me? Gwen laughed, hugging me and kissing my forehead. Dont worry. Well manage together.
The next morning I knocked on Eleanors door. She was awake, eyes staring at the ceiling.
How do you feel? Head hurting? Gwen asked, pulling back the curtains.
Here, she said, handing Eleanor a glass of water.
Eleanor sat up on the bed, gulped the water thirstily.
Why did you look after me yesterday? she asked.
Well, I was sixteen once too. Happy birthday, by the way, Gwen replied, shrugging.
Do you hate me? Eleanor whispered.
Because of your dad? she guessed.
No, thats not true. We met a year after everything happened, I interjected.
Exactly! What if he came back? Gwen sighed.
Its never that simple, Eleanor. People often cant reconnect after a split, I said.
Why not? What stands in the way? People like you? My mum was wonderful! she demanded.
Your mum was wonderful, Gwen began, reaching for Eleanors hand, but she pulled away. Adult relationships are messy. Some can be fixed, some not, and sometimes parting is kinder than endless suffering. No single person is entirely at fault.
Then what am I to blame for? He didnt care about me! I snapped.
That isnt true. He tried to make sure you never lacked anything. He kept up with your life, Gwen countered.
He didnt want to see me! I said.
He had, in fact, asked me not to interfere when my exwife remarried, fearing Id take too much of his sons time. Id been selfish, wanting all his love for myself. Hed given up after the first big argument.
He loves you, but youre already grown, Gwen said, placing her palm on Eleanors shoulder. This time she didnt pull back.
If the boy I was seeing turned up at my birthday with another girl and dumped me, is he the only one to blame? Eleanor asked.
Hmm. Lets think. Did he say anything else? she pressed.
He called me overly dramatic, I replied.
See? Gwen said.
In that instant Eleanor longed for an embrace, for someone to make her a little girl again, for the ache in her chest from yesterdays betrayal to dissolve. Gwen seemed to sense it and held the crying girl close.
Eleanor, I cant replace your mum, but Id like to be a friend, she said. I fell in love at sixteen too, with a lad a year older. He turned out to be seeing another girl from a nearby school.
So what did you do? Eleanor asked.
We both broke up with him, Gwen answered.
And what was your fault? Eleanor probed.
I spent too much time on my studies, Gwen admitted.
They both laughed, and the tension lifted.
Listen, Gwen suggested, lets both go out today. You go to school, I go to work, and well spend a bit of your dads money. Sound good?
Eleanor managed a hesitant smile. All right! I chatted with him yesterday. He said I could pick any gift. Shall we go?
The two of them chatted excitedly about shopping and the day ahead, unaware that a sudden jolt rocked the car they were in. The brakes screeched horrifically, then another softer thud sounded, as if something heavy had struck the vehicle from outside, and then everything fell silent.
Dad! Dad, were at the hospital! Eleanor shouted halflost in panic.
Half an hour later she spotted my silhouette at the end of the ward corridor and waved.
Eleanor! I rushed to her side.
Are you alright? Any cuts? I asked, cradling her shoulders, scanning her face and arms for bruises.
It hurts? she whispered. Im fine, Dad, she reassured.
I stared into her eyes, my voice trembling, Wheres Gwen?
Shes in the next bay. The impact came from her side. Some bloke cut in suddenly. Shes alive, Dad. I pulled Eleanor close, feeling my own hands shake. She rested her head on my shoulder.
Im sorry about last night, she murmured.
I stroked her back gently. Dont worry about it. Lets put it behind us, okay?
She nodded.
A doctor entered. Are you his wife? he asked.
Yes, I replied, releasing her. Whats wrong with her?
Severe bruising and shock. The airbag did its job. Shell be fine. Most importantly, the child is unharmed.
The child? I echoed, baffled. Yes, the child is fine.
The doctor offered a faint smile and left.
Seems Im not the only one who cant see that the childs okay, I muttered under my breath.
I wrapped my arms around Eleanor again. Dad, didnt you get the whole picture?
What picture? she asked.
I stared at her, bewildered. The doctor thought you were Gwen. Shes pregnant, Eleanor. We were going to tell you tonight.
